Sunday Satire, Sarcasm, and Cynicism

 THIS JUST IN!!!!  Bill Cosby has announced that he is returning to television. Fifty years after bringing Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids to television, Bill is teaming up with Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg. The new show is "Fat Alvin and the Cuomo Kids". Brothers Andrew and Chris are expected to provide laughs as they struggle to follow the script rather than just spewing stupid comments. Cosby is currently in talks with Bud Light to be the primary sponsor of "Fat Alvin".

Joe Biden spoke last night at the White House Correspondents Association annual dinner. No word on whether it was the real Joe or his life-like body double who actually attended. It wasn't any real special event; Joe didn't take any questions last night either. It must have been a traumatic night for network news correspondents as not a single one reported on what flavor of ice cream the President had for dessert.

There is a remake of "Smokey and the Bandit" currently in the works. The part of "The Bandit" will be played by Donald Trump. The role of Sheriff Buford T. Justice (Smokey) will be played by the bug-eyed buffoon Adam Schiff. Like Buford T. Justice, Schiff will drive across several states screaming "I have evidence!"  Just as in real life, Sheriff Schiff will never actually produce the "evidence". Sheriff Schiff will also be claiming "I am in hot pursuit!!!" Producers are trying to sign either Stormy Daniels or E. Jean Carroll to play the alleged maiden role that The Flying Nun had filled. The role of the sheriff's idiot son will be played by Hunter Biden if his probation officer will allow it. The original script will be modified to allow Hunter to stop at art shows across the South during the chase to sell some of his paintings.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has announced that he is opposed to biological males participating in women's sports. Kennedy may be the only Democrat willing to define "woman". Of course, after watching Jack, Robert, and Ted in action, Robert understands the differences between men and women. 

The Chicago Cubs are sponsoring a "Jussie Smollett Look-alike Contest" at a game next week. The winner gets to beat himself up and wins two tickets to a Dave Chappelle show.

The NFL draft was sometime in the last few days. I don't know and I don't care who got picked or who picked them.

I subscribe to The American Spectator and read it almost daily. I enjoy most of the content. The founder and editor-in-chief is R. Emmett Tyrell. I actually agree with him on many things. One on which we disagree is his support of Ukraine. He ends all of his posts with "Glory to Ukraine". I sent a note suggesting that he pick another corrupt government to support and waste our money and lives on. No response as of yet.

Free Shot Friday Ver 4.28

 An article in the "news" claims that the accident rate for black pedestrians is twice that of white pedestrians.  They want us to restrict motor vehicles on roads in black neighborhoods. Here's a thought! Let's teach black pedestrians to follow rules about walking in traffic. 

 The first rule is to walk on the sidewalk if available.  The second rule is that if you have to walk in the road, walk facing traffic. The third rule is to wear light colored clothing. Almost every time that I drive down my road at night, there are people (some white, some black) in dark clothes walking in the street. We don't have sidewalks or streetlights. When I was a kid, we learned how to walk on the road in school. Can we suspend the study of the glory of gay sex long enough to teach kids how to walk down a road? I realize that may not be as important as lessons on 56 genders, but let's give it a shot.

We also need to teach drivers how to avoid pedestrians. Given the high percentage of drivers who violate the speed limit habitually, that may be a lost cause. Teaching pedestrians to stay completely off the road may work better.

Some other idiot chimed in on this article claiming that we need to ban vehicle traffic in cities like some city in Finland does. They failed to mention that only one (1) per cent of the Finnish population is of African descent. 

Liberals think that we will all live longer if we just stay home, watch television, chat on Tik Tok and cash those government checks. Of course, they haven't figured out what will happen when the "rich" all move to the tax-free Bahamas.

I wear a reflective vest when I go out to walk while making sure that I walk facing traffic. I also carry a flashlight and a handgun. Plan to live!! 

I don't know if they still do, but the South Carolina Highway Patrol used to give out warning tickets for walking on the wrong side of the road. At one point, they were giving out about 50,000 of them a year. I don't think that it is a racist thing. My brother and I got warning tickets on Liberty Street in York, SC in 1964. I am pretty sure that we were both white at the time. I have walked on the correct side of the road since then.

Karine Jean-Pierre continues to be the most inept White House Press Secretary in history. In a class on effective listening that I attended many years ago I learned that you should ignore the tone and the volume and concentrate on the facts. Karine is simply not putting out any facts. There's no data coming from her that is comprehensible. Can the clown!

About 12 years ago, I listened to Alex McFarland at a Wednesday evening church service talk about the Homosexual Agenda. On my way home, I thought that Alex may have been a little overboard on his comments. Within a year, I realized that he was absolutely right. Every day that I read some news about what is going on in the United States today, I realize that he was right on target. Alex McFarland is an evangelist, has written a bunch of books (some of which I have read), has a website, a radio show, a podcast and lots of other things. You are on the computer now, look him up if you are interested.

This whole "gender identity" thing is overblown by the United States and Western European nations. This song isn't playing in a lot of other countries. This is probably why the US State Department spent $20,000 in US tax dollars putting on a drag queen show in Venezuela. What's the life expectancy of a drag queen in Saudi Arabia or Iraq? 

What happened to Sam Fried and his practice of "effective altruism"? He gave millions of dollars to politicians, primarily Democrats, that he had stolen from greedy investors. It was effective for a little while. At least they caught him before he could fund Biden's 2024 campaign.

His company was a Major League Baseball sponsor. The umpires had his FTX logo on their uniforms. I am still trying to picture some baseball fan watching a game and seeing the logo. Did they look up FTX and think, "I gotta get me some of that crypto currency"?   Heard anything about MLB setting a fund to help FTX investors who lost their shirts?

Evidently, Sam had never read about Ray Kroc and McDonalds. Ray used to say, "This business is for the needy, not the greedy." 

Sam Fried stole billions of dollars, so now he is under house arrest at his parents' home while he waits for a trial. Meanwhile, January 6 suspects are rotting in the DC jail waiting for trial more than two years later. Sam's trial will almost certainly wait until after the 2024 election cycle. We don't want that list of politicians Sam funded in the news at election time.

Sam robbed people with a computer, yet no Democrat wants to limit the sale of computers. Why do you need a high-powered computer anyway? Why does anyone need more than one computer? Doesn't high speed Internet just contribute to crime issues? The Constitution doesn't mention your right to a computer. Maybe we need to raise the age for buying computers. How about a seven-day waiting period on the purchase of a laptop?

I will be at the Liberty Antiques Festival this week selling my incredible assortment of unusual wares. Mention that you read this and get absolutely nothing for your efforts.

That's all!! This is why I call this blog Random Moments of Lunacy. Just in case you were wondering.

It worked for the Colonel

 More than fifty years ago I was cooking the night shift (11:00 PM to 7:00 AM) at the Waffle House on Westshore Boulevard in Tampa. At the time, this was the closest restaurant to the airport that was open all night. It was about 1:30 AM on a Sunday night/ Monday morning and we had three or four customers in the restaurant. 

Monday was Gasparilla Day, a local celebration and parade honoring a mythical (?) pirate legend, Jose Gaspar. The pirate invasion would take place in the morning on the riverfront downtown and then a parade would proceed down Bayshore Boulevard in the afternoon. School was out for the celebration and most people who worked downtown were off that day.

Back at the Waffle House, it was about 1:30 when I saw a car pulling into the parking lot. I saw four men get out of the car, so I walked over and woke the waitress. As I turned to walk back to the grill area the four men came in the door. There were a couple of guys in dark suits, a white-haired guy in a dark suit, and the legend himself, Colonel Harland Sanders. 

They sat down and quickly ordered their meals. It only took a few minutes for me to cook their order and the waitress served them. As they were finishing their meals, the Colonel got up to go to the restroom. With him gone, I went over and asked, "What the hell is going on here? I am sure that is Colonel Sanders, but who are you?" My question was directed at the white-haired guy in the dark suit. 

The guy laughed and said, "We rarely travel together but with the weather problems tonight, we all came in the same plane. Then when we got here it was too late to eat at the hotel, so here we are at the Waffle House eating with you." So, I asked, "Why do you look like the Colonel?"

"We are here for your Gasparilla Festival today. The Colonel is here to appear on a couple of local television shows. I am the Colonel's parade double, so I am here to ride in the parade on our float."

Still a little curious, I asked, "Why doesn't the Colonel ride in the parade?" The double laughed and said, "First, the Colonel is too old to ride on a float in a parade. Second, screaming little children tend to annoy the Colonel. And last but not least, when provoked the Colonel can cuss like a sailor. It's not the look the company wants,"

I laughed and thanked them for the information. About that time, the Colonel returned from the restroom, and they all headed back out into the night. 

I have told this story several times over the years, and it still brings back pleasant memories. The other day, my story took on a whole new meaning during a discussion about politics. One member of our group was claiming that there is a double for Joe Biden. Others said the idea of a double was absurd and could not possibly happen. Finally. they resorted to asking the resident "old guy" for his wisdom. I recounted the story that you just read.

When the laughter faded, I pointed out that if there was a double for Colonel Sanders, why not for Joe Biden? It would certainly explain a lot. If there is not a double for Biden, someone needs to explain the two energy levels and the two different personalities in the President of the United States. Don't waste your time telling me that it can't be done. The FBI and the Secret Service have been involved in much bigger scams than this. The FBI and the Secret Service protected the facts that JFK brought all kinds of women into his quarters at the White House. Do you believe for an instant that the Secret Service didn't know that Monica Lewinsky was blowing Bill Clinton in the Oval/Oral Office?

If there can be two Colonels, why not two Presidents? It's only up a few pay grades and down several IQ points. 

The Weird of the News?

  I didn't write the title wrong.

A headline today proclaimed that 673 faculty members at UNC-Chapel Hill had signed a letter objecting to the state legislature passing a pending law.

That piece of legislation, House Bill 96, would require students to take a 3 credit-hour course covering America's founding and history. Required reading for the course would include the U.S. Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Emancipation Proclamation, at least five essays from the Federalist Papers, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s Letter from Birmingham Jail and the Gettysburg Address. I think that a study of WW2 would be enlightening to the students as well. It's not like they are being required to read the Bible.

It sounds like a much-needed civics class to me. You don't know how little college students actually know until you ask one a question. My favorite sport on MLK Day at work was to ask employees of all races to tell me all that they knew about "Letter from the Birmingham City Jail". Nobody ever knew anything. Most could not even tell me what in state Birmingham is located. You would think that someone would have looked it up before being asked again the next year. You would be wrong.  It's always entertaining when the young black guys don't know as much about MLK as the old white guy with the First National flag on his truck.

The real problem with our university system is that their primary function is no longer education. It is indoctrination into liberal principles taught by a leftist, socialist faculty.

The letter claims that the House Bill will "substitute ideological force feeding for the intellectual expertise of faculty." Given the knowledge level of most graduates, the "intellectual expertise" cited is most certainly bullshit.

As I used to explain to some folks, the problem here is that certain people (in this case the faculty) do not understand the employer-employee relationship. The State of North Carolina funds the University of North Carolina System. After paying my state taxes, I may not have enough money to buy myself a new boat, but the faculty will get paid on schedule. The people who get attacked and ridiculed by leftist professors are the same people who pay the professors. We need to talk.

All businesses are judged by the quality of the product that they produce. The quality of the University of North Carolina system graduates is not exactly the stuff of legends. Just for the record, the people of the state did not establish this huge University of North Carolina system to have a good basketball team. Sorry, it's just not the goal. We won't even bother talking about the football team.

What do I mean "not the stuff of legends"? I have seen college graduates whip out their phones and open the calculator when a customer tries to pay $4.76 by giving them a five-dollar bill and a penny. History is some kind of parallel universe that they are afraid to venture into. They don't know what happened yesterday if it wasn't on Facebook. They know all about 56 genders and transgenderism but don't know the difference between a bull and a cow. They can chant football cheers and protest slogans but can't (or won't) recite the Pledge of Allegiance. They don't even know that the Pledge was written by a socialist. 

At T&S, I wrote the work schedule in a format that was designed to be read at a third-grade level. Still, I had to explain how it worked to some college grads and students. How do they get through college? 

The faculty doesn't want anyone to tell them how to do their job. Memo to faculty: You are going to have to work for yourself for that to be the case. Go look for a better job where no one tells you what to do.  I dare you!!

Seven Words??

 Fifty years ago at the Waffle House on Dale Mabry in Tampa, I was talking to one of our early morning breakfast regulars. I think that his name was Jack, but more than 18,000 days after that conversation I am not really sure. But his name doesn't really matter for my purposes. 

"Jack" was in the billboard business or as they preferred to call it, "outdoor advertising". I was talking to Jack and asked him, "You seem to be pretty successful in the billboard business. To what do you attribute your success?" He looked at me and replied, "Seven fucking words." Even I was a little stunned, so I responded, "Excuse me?" He repeated himself, "Seven fucking words". 

I was still a little surprised, so I asked him to explain his statement. He then explained that in his experience, successful outdoor advertising messages were seven words or less. He explained that studies had been done confirming this. He related his personal experience was that seven words was about the maximum that anyone would read and remember as they went by the signs. So, in selling billboards, he tried to make sure that the messages were seven words or less. 

I asked him what kind or research that he had done to gather this information. He laughed and explained that he and his wife were regulars at all kinds of business cocktail gatherings or dinners. He said that at every event he would talk to people and would almost always ask "What was the last billboard that you read and what did it say?" He said that after a few months, people at dinners and parties would either avoid him or come up and tell him about the last billboard that they read before he could even ask. He said that once in a while, someone would stop his wife in the grocery store and tell her about their last billboard. 

What does all of this have to do with the world today? A lot of full-service restaurants used to have chalkboards where they posted their specials. Most places have gone to dry-erase boards for their specials now. I think that the employees probably tried to smoke the chalk, so they switched to dry-erase markers. Now they huff the markers. But back to my story.

The problem now is that no one understands the "seven F***ing words" rule. I have seen boards that looked like a Dostoevsky novel. No one is going to read a novel on the way to a seat for dinner. I just wanted to vent about this after seeing one of these novellas the other day. I stopped counting at twenty words. 

In my years at Tex & Shirley's, I tried to make sure that we changed the board for each meal period. I regularly reminded everyone involved about the "seven words" rule. Some days I would stop in when I was not working and check the sign. One night I stood in front of a novel and snored to get a manager's attention. Then I reminded them of the seven-word rule. 

Last year, my older son called me one afternoon. I asked why he was calling. He told me that on his way home from work, he saw a new billboard near New Bern that read, "Your Seven Words Here. Call 333-333-3333". I laughed and said, "Did you think that I was making that up?" It is always great when your kids call you to tell you that you were right!! Thanks, Jack.

Laugh now, but you will be counting words on billboards pretty soon.

Wednesday Wit and Worse

 I spent four days last week at the Charlotte Car Show. Pardon me, the Charlotte Autofair. Apparently, everyone but me calls it the AutoFair. It's a car show. I sell "stuff." At Moultrie they are more honest, they call it a "swap meet". I swap "stuff" for cash.

Is there a bigger, more worthless, useless piece of manure than Homeland Security Secretary Mayorkas? This lying piece of crap makes Barney Fife look like Elliot Ness. I am surprised that his clothes don't catch on fire as he tells lie after lie to people who are too loyal to the Uniparty to call him a liar. I did see a report that Marjorie Taylor Greene may have called him a liar today. She was promptly criticized and attacked by Democrats for actually telling the truth. Republicans were also stunned that someone elected to Congress would speak the truth.

Congress exists for the purpose of getting re-elected. If they actually do anything, it will be an accident.

Thanks to the airman who leaked the info that Ukraine is running low on anti-aircraft missiles. They are running low on missiles because we are running low on missiles. If we win the war that we are fighting in the Ukraine, we will have nothing left to defend the United States. But the Bidens will keep getting paid by the Ukraine.

Wikipedia is a joke. This is what liberals think is an encyclopedia. If Wikipedia ever publishes a print version, it will be on rolls of paper and hanging next to your toilet. It's not even worth reading before wiping your ass with it.

Things are so bad in Congress today that I find myself missing Adam Clayton Powell and Tom DeLay. I even miss Sam "Giveaway" Gibbons and I knew him. I miss James Traficant and his one-minute speeches. My favorite was his tribute to Jeffery Dahmer. Traficant was even a Democrat, so this is a bi-partisan post. 

You can't find a Democrat who can define "woman". Women are more than half of the population and the Democrats can't even tell you what they are, but they are sure that they are protecting them. But from what? Democrats want to let biological males play women's sports. You should not need a Supreme Court decision to know that is a stupid idea. Memo to libs: If a human has or ever has had testicles and/or a penis, they aren't a woman. 

In agriculture, we castrate male cattle and male hogs. That doesn't make them sows and cows. It makes them non-performing males or Congressmen, which is pretty much the same thing. They all exist to get fat and slaughtered.

Given the wimp status of most people in Congress, Marjorie Taylor Greene may have the biggest balls in Congress. Let's make her Speaker of the House. At least there would be some entertaining news out of Washington for a change.

Time to go get some oxygen!

Then What?

The federal government led by Brain Dead Biden wants us all to switch to Electric Vehicles. Then what? You know that they haven't even got a plan with what happens when Americans switch to electric vehicles. Here's a list of questions for the brain-dead bureaucrats.

1. Where is all of the electricity coming from to power those cars? The utility companies cannot even keep the lights all on a hot day. Where is the power for EVs coming from?

2. What's the cost of replacing the batteries in an electric car? How long will the batteries last?

3. What's the life expectancy on an electric motor? What's the cost of replacing it when it fails, and it will fail?

4. Without the gasoline tax, how are we going to pay for highway construction and repair projects?

5. Have we trained first responders about how to handle a fire in an electric vehicle? Do we even have guidelines for handling EV fires?  What are the emissions created by burning batteries? Under what conditions will batteries explode?  How many first responders have been trained to handle EV fires and wrecks?

6. Speaking of batteries, where will we get the raw materials needed for batteries? What nation will we be depending on for these materials? Liberals don't want any mining or drilling in this country, so we are at the mercy of other nations. As we ramp up the demand for nickel, the government is forcing the only nickel mine in the country to shut down. Government brains are in shorter demand than raw materials for batteries.

7. How many more whales will wash up on the New Jersey shore before we admit that there is a link to the offshore turbines being built? What happened to "Save the Whales"?

8. Along the same lines, let's talk about the California Condors being slaughtered by wind turbines in that state? The condors were sacred until California needed more power. Now they are just another flying animal dying for California electricity.

9. How will the higher costs of vehicles to produce, haul and deliver food impact food prices? How will it affect all other prices?

10. What caused climate change before man? Did Fred Flintstone cooking Bronto Burgers for Wilma, Barney and Betty cause the Ice Age?

11. Utility companies are building solar panel farms to generate "clean" electricity. Will those panels last as long as an oil-fired power plant? What happens when we need the land that solar farms take up to grow crops or to build homes? 

12. Has anyone thought all of this through, or did they all just jump on the wagon as it passed?

Thoughtful/Thoughtless Thursday

Here in God's Country (North Carolina), liberals are outraged that NC Rep, Tricia Cotham has changed parties from the Democrats to the Republicans. I am fascinated that the same liberals who think that a six-year-old child should be able to have "gender affirming surgery" are opposed to an adult changing their political identity.

Chicago is a city with a death wish. They may actually be going from bad to worse with their newly elected mayor. The incoming progressive thinks that they can "tax the rich" until the city makes a comeback. He is backed by the teacher's union. Chicago has eighteen (18) schools where not a single student can read or do math at their grade level. Yes, not a single student in eighteen schools can perform at grade level. Chicago, the new Detroit?

Alvin Bragg is even dumber than previously believed. He recently charged a man with murder after the man was shot twice by an assailant, then took the gun from his assailant, and shot him to death. Bragg charged the man with murder. A little national news attention persuaded Bragg to drop the charges. In Bragg's world, you are a criminal if you defend yourself. 

Alvin Bragg is demonstrating the faults of the "grand jury system". Grand juries are not given both sides of the story. They exist only to produce indictments. This is not unlike the January 6th Committee in Congress.

Somewhere in cartoon land, Theodore, Simon and Dave are all screaming, "ALVIN!!"

It's time to impeach "Ma" Garland, leader of the FBI crime family. How many FBI informants and ither government agents were at the Jan. 6 debacle at the Capitol? The Department of Injustice is too busy blaming Donald Trump, who was not at the Capitol, to release any information about their own involvement. Which federal agency was paying Ray Epps?

From retrieving Ashley Biden's diary to protecting Hunter Biden from investigations, The Federal Bureau of Investigation has become a secret police force for the Democrats. Shut it down!! 

Lesley Stahl continues to be the worst person on 60 Minutes, which is quite the accomplishment. Conservatives should refuse to appear on 60 Minutes unless it is broadcast live. 

Hats off to the notorious MTG for barking back at the semi-comatose Ms. Stahl!! Not on the television broadcast, but available only on the digital edition of 60 Minutes was a clip where Greene told Stahl that "Ukraine is not the 51st State!" Stahl lamented that if Ukraine falls, the Russians will be at the border of Poland. Memo to eye-rolling Lesly Stahl: The "domino theory" was discredited in Vietnam and has not been advocated by anyone other than Democrats since that time.

Robert Kennedy Jr. has announced his candidacy for the Presidency. He was described by a leading Democrat opposing his candidacy as a "former heroin addict".  I would think that "former heroin addict" would be a plus as a Democrat.

Finally, in the news this morning, the president of Mexico has come out in support of Donald Trump by criticizing the charges against Trump. "Supposedly legal issues should not be used for electoral, political purposes," Lopez Obrador told a regular news conference. "That's why I don't agree with what they are doing to ex-President Trump."  Even the slow among liberals should be able to understand this.

 

Easter Week in America?

 I am not a terribly religious man; I am a Methodist. I tried being a Presbyterian a few years ago, but that didn't work out for me. I guess that was pre-destined.

I spent the last six days in South Georgia at the Spring Moultrie Auto Swap Meet. It's only a two-day show but it takes a day to set up and a day to take down and then a couple of travel days.

I had a great time in Moultrie. My wife went with me and actually had a good time. We talked with hundreds of people from several different states. It was an enlightening experience for my beloved. She was delighted to find out that our political beliefs are held by many other folks. America is not the land you see on the network news.

Today in the news, there are the usual cries for more control in the wake of the Nashville school shooting. Guns don't fire themselves. Why don't we take steps to control transexuals, who until recently were defined as mentally ill? If you are willing to mutilate yourself, you probably will have no issues with killing others. The trans folks and their leftist supporters are trying to portray the shooter as a "victim". I don't think that you can sell that absurd idea to anyone with over a room temperature IQ. 

Just a quick "Thank You" to the police officers who did not hesitate to enter that school building and shoot the psycho killer.

If we could just ban guns, people would only be killed by being run over with cars, beaten with bricks and stones, stabbed with knives, hammered with hammers, batted with bats, poisoned and/or held under water to drown. Memo to morons favoring gum bans: People have been killing each other since the beginning of time, they didn't wait for guns. Even the slow among you have heard about David slaying Goliath with a stone. Goliath, first guy to be stoned?

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post called "Prophet or Profit" about Donald Trump. The irony is that on Tuesday, Donald Trump will appear in a Manhattan court to be charged with violating something that is not an actual law. The DA is working on a "novel theory" of an interpretation of the law to charge Trump. It would be easier if Trump had led a failed bank, but they aren't rushing to charge anyone for bilking us out of billions of dollars. Trump hasn't committed a gun crime like Hunter Biden. They have no evidence that the Trump family has taken money from foreign governments. There aren't any email messages telling Trump family members to save 10% for the "Big Guy". Nobody in the Ukraine sent payments to the Trumps. The Uniparty is threatened by Trump's existence.  He must be silenced.

One of my favorite expressions is "We have traveled this road before." More than two thousand years ago, a government charged a man with made up crimes to keep him from leading the masses in a different direction. It is Easter Week, and we are doing the same thing again. History does repeat itself.

I am most certainly not comparing Donald Trump to Jesus Christ, but I am comparing the government of Israel at that time to the government of the United States today. They are threatened by a force that they cannot control. After more than 2000 years we still haven't learned. In the end, the common people will pay the price, and the Pharisees/Uniparty will just suck up to another foreign government. 

Cordless drill?