Friday, September 18, 2009


Yes, I know that I rarely write about sports but I thought that I would surprise a few people.

NASCAR has started "The Chase". This means that it will take 12 laps instead of 10 laps to put me to sleep. I can't wait.

The NFL has started their regular season. If you follow the Bucs or the Panthers, the good news is that there are only 15 games left.

Jerry Richardson's two sons resigned from their positions with the Carolina Panthers a couple of weeks ago. Reportedly, Jerry woke up after his heart transplant and said, "You paid Julius Peppers what??????"

After completing several passes to the wrong team, Panthers QB Jake Delhomme is having his eyes examined for possible color-blindness as the Panthers struggle to keep the ball while on offense. Jake, fresh from signing his 5 year, $42 million deal, appears unconcerned about his ability to throw to his own team.

Serena Williams lost a match after threatening to "shove this fucking ball down your fucking throat" in an exchange of ideas with an official. Tennis, the ladies game! You can dress them up, you can't take them out!

Jeremy Mayfield's lawsuits with NASCAR are motoring through the legal system. At this pace, if he wins, he will be able to drive in the Senior Cup events. You're right, they don't have a Senior Cup. They will by the time all of the legal fighting is over.

What would this blog be like if I were a NASCAR driver??
1. Ads EVERYWHERE!!!!!!
2. I would start every paragraph with a picture of me drinking whatever bottled water I am endorsing.
3. "AWESOME"...............
4. Every post would start with "The Tex & Shirley's breakfast was really good today. The crew put together a breakfast that I could win with today. It handled well in the curves of the spoon......"
5. I would lead NASCAR in the cussing points category.
6. IF I answered questions, the top question would probably be, "How's a fat guy like you get into one of those cars?" The answers would help me with # 5 above.

If you have been able to either stay awake or wake up in time for the last few laps of a race, I am sure that you have heard some idiot reporter ask the same stupid questions every race. They will go to the crew chief of the car in second place and ask, "Do you think that you can catch the leader? Do you have anything for the #9(or whoever the leader is) car?" Just once, I want to see a crew chief grab his crotch, and tell the reporter, "I got your #9 car hanging right here, pal! Does that answer your question?"

Time to climb into the Jones Surplus Dodge Caravan and head off to work. It's going to be an awesome day!!

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Obama talked to school children the other day. Brings back memories of how they started the Hitler Youth.

Nancy Pelosi. Mom always told me that if I couldn't say something nice, don't say anything. For the second time in my life, I am taking her advice.

I saw a new America Samoa quarter the other day. These quarters are part of the "Statehood Series Quarters". Either I don't understand "quarters" or the folks at the U.S. Mint don't understand "Statehood". They have also produced quarters honoring Guam, Puerto Rico, and the District of Columbia. Avoid the DC quarters. Put one into your pocket and it steals the other quarters. Since the Mint is honoring all of the US possessions, I can't wait for the Guantanamo Bay quarters. Will their be an Iraq quarter?

Somebody call Jimmy Carter's doctor and tell him to up the dosage. According to the peanut man, if you accuse Obama of lying, you are a racist.

Just for the record, I am not related to Joe Wilson, Congressman from South Carolina. Unlike Joe, I would have never apologized. Did Obama apologize for lying to the nation?

I am applying for the position of Honesty Czar in the Obama administration. At my first interview, I was asked what "honesty" meant. I responded with the classic D.C. answer, "What do you want it to mean?" No word from the White House yet on my job.

Remember, Obama only promised to pull our troops out of Iraq. He forgot to mention that they would be leaving Iraq for Afghanistan. We are giving up protecting our oil supply to protect our drug supply.

I watched about 15 minutes of Nacy Grace on CNN last night. I assume that this explains the nausea and diarrhea today. I am not sure that the "C" word is adequate for Nancy.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Lyin' Of the Senate??

Fat Teddy assumed room temperature a couple of weeks ago. This was only a few weeks after the fortieth anniversary of the death of Mary Jo Kopechne. As I watched both Democrats and Republicans gush about all of the wonderful things that Fat Teddy had done, I wondered why no one mentioned Mary Jo.

Kennedy had spent 47 years in the Senate. We would all be better off if he had been forced to get a job instead. He's a case for term limits.

Kennedy was described as being the best of the Senate. That's kind of like being the smartest kid in the Special Ed class.

If I had to watch one more Republican say nice things about Kennedy, I would have lost my lunch. Their statements confirm that there is no difference between the two parties. I may have to become a Liberterian. Don't get excited, Walter.

The Democrats are going to use Kennedy as a martyr to help pass their "healthcare" bill. Is there an alcohol treatment benefit in that bill? How about a drowning benefit? Kennedy Care, the health care reform we can all live without.

Kennedy was unique in one aspect. No one else has ever driven on that bridge in Chappaquidick.

Talking to my mother the other night, we were discussing the death of Fat Teddy. In what will be my final remark on this, I told her, "If there were any real justice in this world, they would have buried that son of a bitch at sea. Just taken him out and tossed his ass overboard." Mom suggested that I switch to decaf.