Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A backlog of stuff

I didn't know what else to call this but it's late and I'm tired, it is time to spit it out.

Will Barry Bonds break the home run record BEFORE his personal trainer gets out of jail on contempt charges?? Life was easier when you went to a baseball game and the players didn't look like wrestlers. Did Bonds use steroids? To paraphrase the esteemed philosopher, Slick Willie, it depends on what the meaning of use is. According to Slick, Bonds didn't use steroids and Clinton didn't have sex with Monica Lewinsky.

One of Mike Vick's homeys has turned on him and copped a plea. Nothing like friends! I got your back, bro! Mike should save the legal fees, plead guilty, and get it finished.

The NAACP is urging everyone to be patient and allow the legal system to work in the VIck case. These guys should watch the videotapes of their comments on the Duke lacrosse players. Ooops, I forgot, those guys were white.

I actually saw several articles in the news about Hillary and "cleavage". There are two words that I never thought that I would see in print together. All I can think about in this discussion is the old joke about the "Hillary Special" at KFC. The "Hillary Special" is a bucket of chicken with two small breasts, two enormous thighs, and a pair of big left wings. Yeah, I know it's an old joke!

The NFL training camps have opened and the exhibition season will be starting soon. Greed is the primary reason for the exhibition season. Fans have to pay full price to watch a bunch of guys play football who will be selling cars in a few weeks.

The FCC issued a new set of call letters to a low wattage, digital station in Hawaii. In keeping with their rulings on decency, the FCC issued the call letters KUNT to the station. The marketing possibilities are endless. "It's not your father's TV station." As a child in Tampa, I watched "Big 13". Picture some Hawaiian kid at school. "I watched Harry Potter on The Big KUNT last night!". Does "Can't miss TV" become "KUNT miss TV"? Your warped mind is free to roam.

In other broadcasting news, the FCC also issued the call letters KWTF to another station. KWTF? What The F*** does that mean? No wonder they wanted Imus off the air, he was competing with them.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

I love stupid people- pro sports version

Have you heard that Pete Rose was banned from Major League Baseball for betting on games that his team was playing? It's been several years since that happened but apparently Tim Donaghy, NBA referee, had not heard about it. The FBI is investigating Tim's gambling habits. It appears that he may have bet on games that he was officiating. This brings fixing games to a new high or low, depending upon your point of view. Why should criminals bribe an athlete to throw a game when they can get a single official to fix it for them? Let's face it, it's probably cheaper and more effective to buy a ref than a player. Stay tuned to see if Tim makes the top ten on the Stupid Person list this year!

A shoo-in for Stupid Person of the year is Michael Vick, at this moment still the quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons. Mr. Vick has ben indicted on federal charges connected with dog fighting. Here's a guy making millions a year and he risks it all to breed dogs and watch them try to kill each other.

How stupid is Mike Vick?? The rumor is that originally he was interested in getting involved with cockfighting but changed his mind when he found out that cockfighting actually involves roosters. There's still time Mike!! Louisiana finally outlawed cockfighting a couple of weeks ago, the last state in the country to do so. The ban does not take effect until 2008. So if the Falcons will trade him to the New Orleans Saints, he can play football and watch animals kill each other. He could be a real hero in Louisiana. I think dogfighting is good for a seat in Congress from Louisiana.

Mike's real problem may be neither the NFL nor the federal indictment. His problem is Arthur Blank, the owner of the Falcons. That is Arthur Blank of Home Depot fame and fortune, heavy on the fortune. I figure that about the time the first spoofs of Home Depot commercials hit the Internet showing Vick giving how-to classes on building dogfighting pits, Vick will be history. If not, I would hate to guess what the dog lovers in the stands will be throwing Mike's way this season. The NFL will need to post guys on the sideline with Pooper Scoopers.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

TV and me

WUNC Public Television has a show called Black Issues Forum. Is there a show called White Issues Forum?

I saw Bill Maher on Tavis Smiley on PBS last night, I am pretty sure it was a rerun. Smiley asked Maher to explain why he attacks Bush but defends Joe Biden for his remarks. Maher responded by stating, "Bush can't talk." He followed with a dissertation on how stupid he believes that Bush is. I'm guessing that the senators who are worried about the right wingers on talk radio don't watch the lefties on television.

I am thinking of trying to get a gardening show on PBS. They need a fat, bald, straight guy to balance all of the other hosts.

OK, forget the gardening show. I like to watch The Woodright's Shop with Roy Underhill and New Yankee Worshop with Norm Abrams. Roy can take a knife and a tree and make a chair while Norm has every tool known to man. How about a show that real people can relate to? I am thinking of hosting a show where household problems are solved using hammers, screwdrivers, WD-40, duct tape, JB weld, and brute force. I believe in the old adage, Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.

Yes, I watched more television than usual today. Mercifully, Hell's Kitchen wasn't on today. I watched an episode of that a couple of weeks ago and was stunned by stupid stuff that the alleged "chefs" were doing. One female chef pulled some spaghetti out a trash can and washed it off to use. Another was doing a good job portioning food with tongs. At least it looked good until she licked the tongs to see how the food tasted.

I was going to watch the NASCAR race from Daytona tonight but NASCAR's sellout to television continues. The race is on cable and I'm too cheap for cable. I'm not really a big race fan but the roar of engines and the sight of forty three cars making endless left turns lulls me to sleep. I tend to wake up a couple of minutes after a big wreck and just before the race ends. I guess I will just turn to COPS and watch endless violations of the Constitution. More on that another day.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Child Support Blues- Updated

A few weeks ago I wrote about a receiving an income verification form from Child Support Enforcement in the mail fifteen minutes after I had interviewed a guy.

The next day I received an order to withhold child support from his paycheck. It was dated the same date as the request for earnings information. Why send out a request for information and an order to withhold on the same day? Don't bother with asking what he earns if you have already decided what he has to pay. Is this just mental masturbation by the folks at Child Support Enforcement? Is it just a waste of time, material, and postage? Is it just doing things so that they can claim they followed the rules?

Shouldn't they at least make sure that the person is employed before wasting all of this time and resources confirming that people in vast government bureaucracies are mindless idiots?

I love stupid people- The Holiday version

Last night at work, I was helping the cashier and rang up a sale. The total was $17.03. The customer, a woman in her late twenties, began looking through her purse. Another woman with her asked, "What do you need?" She responded, "I need 3 pennies." In a short time they had produced the 3 pennies. She handed them to me along with her debit card. I looked down at it and she said, " Oh! I guess that doesn't really make sense." I responded simply, "Don't worry, I can make it work. I just don't understand the thinking." They both giggled and waited while the card was processed. Too much sun? Too much holiday celebrating? Or just too much stupid?

Starting the Independence Day celebration early on July 1 was one of our busboys. He was walking around complaining about the station that he had been assigned for that day. I was sitting at a table talking to the person who claims to be my only friend, when the busboy and a waitress walked by. As they passed, he said loudly, "I may have to quit today!" He then continued on to the front of the restaurant. I excused myself from the table, walked to the front and told him, "I have heard all of your crap that I can take. Get out!" He started stammering something and I cut him off. "I don't want to hear anymore. Go clock out! Get Out!" He headed out. A few minutes later, I went to my car to get something. Someone had thrown a drink against the side, the drink had splattered over the windows and the cup was on the ground. My son and another employee came outside while I was there and looked at the mess. My son pointed out that the liquid was red and he had seen the busser get a cup of cranberry juice a little earlier. Employees are supposed to pay for juice and I knew that he had not. I told my son "So this guy steals a cup of juice and then throws it on my car when I fire him. He's too stupid to work here." This was confirmed about an hour later when the busser called to ask my son if I had actually fired him.

We require all employees to wear slip resistant, skid resistant shoes. Yesterday a cook slipped on a wet floor and landed on his back right beside me. I looked down and asked "Are you OK?" He responded that he was and I told him "You are supposed to wear slip resistant shoes and I don't believe that those loafers you have on are slip resistant." He told me that they were. Let's review this, you slip on a wet floor, you are on your back on the floor, your boss tells you that you are not wearing the correct shoes, and you try to deny it. I think that the denial would be more credible from an upright position.

Sometimes the frustration of dealing with difficult (stupid) people becomes too heavy a load for waiters and waitresses. As I reviewed guest checks yesterday, I found a voided check. Waiters and waitresses void checks when something is screwed up and they need to write another. They normally write a reason for the void. This check read "VOID- retards". Hey! I guess that I am not the only one with a story to tell.