Thursday, May 14, 2015

Happy Birthday Irv Cohen!!!

Out for lunch today, I ran into my long time friend Irv Cohen of Greensboro. Irv was the long time owner of Allstate Restaurant Equipment in Greensboro. He sold the business and retired a few years ago. Irv is celebrating his eightieth birthday this week. It might actually be today, but I had a little trouble hearing him.

Irv is a legend in the restaurant supply business. In December of 2008, I wrote a post on his pending retiring from the business. I used to run into Irv occasionally at auctions. If you wanted to know what the retail value was on an item, Irv would stop bidding at about 50% of that value. Caution, that was not a hard and fast rule for Irv. So if you run into him at an auction, you have been warned.

I bought from Irv for more than twenty years. Irv was a great guy with whom to do business. If he gave you a price for something, that's what you paid. He was an honest man in a business filled with people who are not. I always enjoyed buying from Irv. You always knew that he valued and appreciated your business. He's a great guy!!

I doubt that Irv will ever read this, but if you read it and know him, wish him a happy birthday.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Gay marriage??

As the runaway train that is gay marriage runs rampant through the federal court system, I feel like all is lost. Why do all these gay people want to get married? Do they long to pay child support and alimony? Do they lust to share their property and possessions with someone when it doesn't work out??

Have we lost our sense of right and wrong?? Does a vocal minority make it right?? How many of you want your child to come home and say, "Hey, did I mention that I was gay?"

I am sorry, but I come from a world where homosexuality is wrong. Don't waste your time telling me that it is natural. It will be natural as soon as a man gives birth by popping a baby out his ass.

I have worked with thousands of homosexuals over the many years in the food service business. I like and/or dislike them at about the same rate that I detest the general population.

If you ask gay men what causes homosexuality, most tell you that they were born that way. If you ask lesbians the same question, they tell you that women are more nurturing and they have better relationships with them. Apparently, I am in the rapidly diminishing number of men who just want to be men.

If pedophilia grows in popularity as quickly as homosexuality, Jerry Sandusky will be out of prison and operating a chain of daycare centers before I retire.

I am going to go vomit, I will finish this rant another day.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Am I a Christian?

At Buffalo Presbyterian Church in Greensboro, they are joining the Evangelical Presbyterian Church today. There is a "Welcome" service handled by the new Presbytery of the Mid-Atlantic and they will be ordaining the church elders in the new denomination. I am sitting at home writing this. Why, you might ask?

At Buffalo, almost  two years ago we began the process of disaffiliation from the Presbyterian Church USA.. The PC/USA will not just release a church, they will only dismiss you to join another Reformed denomination. After much discussion, we chose to join the EPC. It is much smaller than the PC/USA, but much more conservative. As the end drew near with the PC/USA, the EPC scheduled Leadership Training for the church elders.

The training program was a twelve week experience. We met at Memorial Presbyterian, a nearby offspring of our church, who were also going through the process. I had received a copy of the training manual a couple of months earlier and looked through it. I was excited about the chance to improve my religious knowledge.

After the first Sunday, I knew that I was in trouble. My problem was simple. The more that I learned, the more questions that I had. My friends tell me that I over-analyze everything. The more that I tried to understand, the less that I understood.

It soon became obvious to me that I was in the midst of a spiritual crisis. Things that I thought that I understood, I didn't. Everything that I believed was suddenly in doubt. I spoke to a couple of pastor friends about this, but that didn't help. Other friends have tried to help, but nothing has worked.

As the church struggled through the disaffiliation process, I struggled with my own spiritual issues. It was a great day for the church when we were finally released in February. For me, the joy of being released from the PC/USA was offset by the feeling of impending doom about joining the EPC.

A few weeks ago, the date was set for the "Welcome to the EPC" weekend. Yesterday we had orientation and examination of elders. I have been almost spastic the last three weeks worrying about this. A few days before, I finally realized that all I could do was go in and answer the questions honestly. On Friday night, I read the words from a hymn that calmed me a little. "Grant us wisdom, grant us courage, for the facing of this hour."

I arrived at the church yesterday about ten minutes before the program was scheduled to start. I was feeling bad, suffering from a cold. I had worn a coat and tie since I assumed others would dress like they were joining a church. Some of the women were dressed pretty well, but the vast majority of people were very casually dressed. I immediately felt out of place. I took a seat at a table by myself so that I could see the door (phobia) and not spread my cold to others. I felt so out of place and uncomfortable that I started to just get up and leave. I already knew what would happen at the end of the day.

The point came in the program where they started discussing the ordination vows for elders. They passed out copies for us to review. Instantly, I realized that it was all over. There was not just one, but several vows that I could not respond to positively. I should have just got up and left at that point.

We broke into four small groups for the examination process. Our group was led by Howard Shockley, the Presbytery Administrator. He was very nice. The first topic of discussion was "tell us how you came to know Christ." I was the second person in the rotation to answer the question. As I listened to the first person to answer, my mind raced as I searched for something to say that would be acceptable. I could think of nothing.to say. I think that the current slang is "I got nothing!"

I started by saying, "I don't think that I belong in this group." and it went downhill from there. Howard tried to help and offered me several chances to give the needed answer, but I just could not do it. The woman assisting him tried to explain it. I told her that I understood the line of questioning, but that I could not honestly answer in the affirmative. Mercifully, they moved on to the other people, all of whom had a better response than mine. I know that it didn't last forever, but it seemed to last that long. When it ended, I grabbed my coat and left.

When I got home, I sent an e-mail to all of the other Session members resigning. I didn't need to wait and be humiliated today.

I believe that if we could all live by the principles of Christ, the world would be a better place. I have tried to help lots of people. At work, I have hired people that no one else would. I have helped people with problems far outside my responsibility as their employer. At church, I do as much as I can. I have spent more than three years at Buffalo cooking dinner on Wednesday nights. I do almost anything that is asked of me. I go visit people who are sick. I did a website for the church when no one else would.

Despite all of this, I don't have that relationship with Christ that everyone talks about. I don't have the faith of those people that I heard speak in yesterday's group. I don't hear God talk to me. All I have is what I do. My grandfather N.S. Hardin, was a Baptist minister. He told me once," I would rather see a sermon than hear one." I have lived my life like that, only to find out that Christians think that I am wrong. Yes, I don't understand.

Will I go back to church? Yes, I will be there on Wednesday night to cook dinner. I made a commitment and I will honor that. Maybe I can resolve my spiritual issues now that the pressure has been relieved. I just don't know. I will have to wait and see.

Saturday, March 07, 2015

Does Church help??

I was trying to put together some thoughts for an orientation and examination next Saturday at church. At Buffalo Church, we have left the PC/USA and are joining the EPC. Next Saturday they will be "examining" all of the elders to determine if we meet their standards. If you know me, you understand that I am concerned about this process. I was trying to write a few things down  tonight and had some thoughts that I sent to a friend. I will go ahead and share them with you.

I was writing a few thoughts about church and got to the range and Mary R. incident. First, I am still angry about the whole thing. But beyond that, I realized that I have mellowed some and can deal a little better with this kind of thing. Here’s a story to prove my point.

In the late 1990’s, I was active in the Triad Mensa group. The editor of the monthly newsletter “retired”. So I volunteered to take his place. At first, it wasn’t very hard. It was a matter of assembling Mensa news items and events and contributions from members into a newsletter. After someone else took care of getting it printed, several of us would meet one night to fold, staple and mutilate(prepare for mailing) the newsletter. Someone else would haul it to the Post Office the next day for Second Class Mailing.

You can guess what happened. Over the next couple of years, the volunteers all dropped by the wayside. By the end of the second year, I was doing it all myself. For the next three years, I did everything connected with the newsletter including listening to an occasional complaint about it. Then, we elected a new local chapter leader. He sent me a message telling me that he expected a draft of the newsletter by the 15th of each month so that he could approve it and that it was to be printed, assembled and  mailed by the 25th. I read his message and thought about it overnight. The next morning I got up and put all of their supplies and materials into a box. I took a 5X8 index card and a black marker. I wrote “F**** You!” on the card and dropped it into the box. A quick trip to the Post Office and my days in Mensa were over. I never went to another function or contacted anyone in the group.

So you can see from this story that going to church has obviously been good for me. The good news for you is that I probably won’t include this story in recounting my “walk with Christ” at next Saturday’s meeting. HA!!

Monday, March 02, 2015

Church Life Lite

I used to be a Methodist. I would tell people, "I am not a terribly religious man, I am a Methodist." Changed to the Presbyterian team a few years ago. Now I tell people, "I am not a terribly religious man, I am a Presbyterian."

Now,  I am an elder at church. They elected me to represent the "younger" members. I am also on the Session, the ruling body of the church. What's that like, you ask??

 I am working on a new book, "Random Moments of Lunacy, The Session Years."

Friday, February 27, 2015

Fantasy From Facebook??

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."
The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she replied.
"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"

What's wrong with this story?? Obviously written by a woman. No man passes up a naked woman on his couch waiting for him to get home.
Reminds me of an old guy who used to frequent the Waffle House. He was in one morning and it was his seventieth birthday. Someone asked if he was so old that he ever passed up a chance for sex. His response was simple, "The next time will be the first time".

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I love stupid people- The Sledding Version

Stupid Parents??
I was driving to work today going about 30 MPH on a road covered with snow and a layer of sleet. I rounded a curve and less than 100 feet in front of me was some moron posing as an adult and five kids. Stopped the car as quickly as possible. The kids were sledding in the road. This was out in the country. There was open land and hills and slopes to sled on. Why use the road?? Write this down if you are a moron. The street is for cars!!! Kids, listen to Uncle Gilbert. If you won't sled in the street, I won't drive my van on that hill in your backyard!!