Saturday, June 27, 2009

Big head vs small head, The Mark Sanford story

I was torn on the title of this. I originally wanted to call it "Don't cry for me Argentina". By now, even the slow witted among you have heard about the problems of Mr. Sanford, the governor of South Carolina. Allow me to share a few thoughts about the governor's problems.

Sanford apparently thought that he could leave the state for seven days to visit his mistress in Argentina and no one would notice. Sorry Mark, but that was your little head doing the thinking. Even the Kennedys know that you can't pull that one off. Admittedly, there's not a whole lot going on in South Carolina in June except at Myrtle Beach. But being out of town on Father's Day, when you are the governor and have four children will almost certainly be noticed.

I must be honest here, I have read the alleged e-mails the Gov and Maria exchanged. Here's a sample:
“I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of night’s light — but hey, that would be going into the sexual
details ...”
After reading that, I was about ready to start checking airfares to Argentina. (Just kidding, Darling!)

After that in the same e-mail, he quoted 1 Corinthians 13. Apparently the little head is in firm control of the governor. Let's face it, who quotes THE BIBLE in an e-mail to his mistress?? OK, maybe something from the Song of Solomon would have be appropriate.

A last note about emails. For a guy with an MBA, his spelling is bad. Before you send Maria any more e-mails, learn where the spell check button is.

Sanford should have just told people that he was checking into a rehab center for the week. It would have created less of a fuss. What kind of cover story is "hiking the Appalachian trail"? I should have asked Walter and Daniel that question.

Sanford's biggest mistake was his failure to realize that his wife, the millionaire, is in charge at home. You would think that a guy with an MBA, a colonel in the Army Reserve, a three term Congressman, and a two term governor (even of South Carolina) would understand this. She had already thrown him out of their home and told him not to see his mistress again. He headed to Argentina anyway. Once again, Sanford was getting his data from his little head.

If I were Sanford and been greeted by a reporter at the Atlanta airport, I would have just turned around and gotten back on the plane. It just isn't going to get any worse. He's a lame duck governor and the only way to get back in at home will be to have his balls placed in a jar on his wife's desk. His little head is going to be lonely.


Michael Jackson, the alleged "Queen of Pop", assumed room temperature on Thursday. Apparently the moonwalking pedophile suffered a massive heart attack. Mr. Jackson, who gave up being a young black man to become an ugly white woman, had reportedly made a career of singing "Beat It" to 12 year old boys. He was aided in this effort by parents who allowed their children to sleep at Jackson's home and took cash settlements in exchange. We used to call that "pimping", I'm not sure what it is called now. Millions of mindless fans are left to mourn the passing of the famed pervert.

Farrah Fawcett, owner of the nipples that stimulated a generation of young men, also passed away on Thursday. At one point, it was difficult to find the bedroom of a young man that did not have a Fawcett poster in it. Famous for her hair and body, there are reports that Farrah was also an actress.

Ed McMahon also died this week. Mom told me that if I couldn't say something nice, don't say anything. This is Ed's day, I'm taking that advice.

America is the land of relentless attempts at humor. Less than 24 hours after Ms. Fawcett died, I heard this one:
Farrah dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, they tell her that they will give her one wish. She says, " I just want all of the children in the world to be safe."
Twenty minutes later, Michael Jackson dies.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Assorted gripes and moans

The News & Record of Greensboro has reduced the size of the newspaper recently. They changed from four sections to two sections on some days. On Mondays and Tuesdays, national and local news sections have been combined into one section. On the same days Sports and Life have been combined into one section. On Mondays, Sports is the front of the second section and Life is the back part. On Tuesdays, the Life section is in the front and the Sports is in the back part of the second section. The explanation by the N&R is that there is more sports to report on Monday. The unofficial explanation, as offered by a customer, is that the News & Record thinks that their readers are too stupid to find Sports if they don't put it first on Monday. Why not just leave it in the same place everyday and let people get used to it?

After altering the size of the paper a few weeks ago, this week they raised the price. They took a 50% price increase from 50 cents to 75 cents for the daily paper. I am not sure how the newspaper business works, but in the restaurant business if you cut your portion size and then hike the price 50%, you are about to lose a bunch of customers.

I was talking about the newspaper price the other day at the restaurant with a couple of employees. I told them that the News & Record wouldn't be worth 75 cents if they had a dollar billed taped inside every copy.

The federal government will soon be the majority owner of General Motors. Ford, Toyota, and other manufacturers should immediately file suit to stop this. One does not need to be a Harvard trained lawyer to realize that the government that regulates your business being the owner of your competition is wrong.

If they can hold out without any government help, Ford is my new car company. The chances that I want to buy a car from a company owned by the federal government and a labor union are zero.

Chrysler is merging with Fiat. The company that brought us the 426 Hemi engine and the Barracuda will soon be producing cars with all the appeal of a sardine can.

The federal government will soon be the largest stockholder in Citibank. The government cannot maintain roads and bridges, guard the borders, educate children, or deliver the mail, yet they think that they can run a business. Those who disagreed with my assessment of Obama as a socialist should now remove their heads from their asses and take a look around.