Sunday, January 31, 2010

Stupid People- PETA special

The people at PETA, which does not stand for People Eating Tasty Animals, have suggested that Punxsutawney Phil should be replaced by a robotic groundhog.

According to the AP, Phil's people have responded negatively to the alleged animal lovers. "William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, says the animal is "being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania." The groundhog is kept in a climate-controlled environment and is inspected annually by the state Department of Agriculture."

Deeley says PETA isn't interested in Phil from Feb. 2 on, and is looking for publicity. PETA looking for publicity?? I am taken aback.

Do you know why PETA attacks people about fur but doesn't get as excited about leather jackets? They would rather harass rich old women than screw with bikers.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Climate Change Update

Sitting here looking out over the foot of snow that has fallen in the last 24 hours my thoughts turned to global warming or the new phrase " climate change". Mr. Gore, it's going to be 10 degrees here tonight, global warming my ass!!

Based on the global warming theory thought process, this must mean that we are facing a new Ice Age. Let's face it, weather is cyclical. The snow doesn't mean that a new Ice Age is coming, any more than a hot day in August means that we should all walk to work.

If there is a new Ice Age coming, we're going to have to teach some people to drive. On the ride to work this morning, some moron had stopped in the right lane to clean his windshield. As there was only one lane cleared this was more than a minor complication. Of course, it is always good to get my blood flowing in the morning with a burst of high grade profanity.

Groundhog Day is just around the corner and the world awaits the judgement from Punxsutawney Phil on how long winter will last. Phil is at least as accurate as the average weather forecaster.

Too late for the State of the Union

Just in from our Scoutmaster, who is always prepared.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I love stupid people- 2010

The Big O ripped the Supreme Court in his State of the Union speech last night. I can't wait for the next case they hear involving Obama.

In St. Petersburg, Florida a 52 year old woman tried to kill her boyfriend after an argument over American Idol. After he went to bed, she poured hot chocolate on him and stabbed him with a steak knife. In American Idol judge lingo, "She was a little pitchy, but she took it and made it her own."

The Greensboro News and Record ran a story about the Greensboro Four of Sit-in fame the other day. They wrote this about Joseph McNeil, "In 1967, he married the former Ina Brown, an ancestor of Sioux warrior Sitting Bull." She must have been really old, Sitting Bull was born in 1831.

Also from the News and Record, "A Greensboro teen has been charged with stealing money or other property from nine local businesses, including Joseph’s House, a transitional home for troubled young men." Malek Moore, 17, is apparently not the brightest star in the sky.

Martha Coakley let Obama campaign for her the Sunday before her loss to Scott Brown. She should have gone on television and begged him to stay away. That might have made it a closer race.

The Prince of Stupid is Pat Robertson. Robertson claims that the Haiti earthquake is the result of a pact the Haitians made with the Devil to gain their freedom from the French. Pat, God told me that it is time for you to retire.

The KING of Stupid is Danny Glover. During an interview, Glover claimed that the Haiti earthquake was a result of us failing to act at the recent climate change summit in Copenhagen. Danny, thanks for getting Pat off the hook.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

That moment just before the pain begins

This from an e-mail:

Does Barry know business?

A Bloomberg survey shows that 77% of investors think that Barack Obama is anti-business. Frankly, I thought that the number would be higher.

There have been absolutely no indications that Barry understands even the most basic concepts of capitalism. Here's a guy who never even ran a lemonade stand. He doesn't understand how jobs are created or profits made. He confirmed this when he went on a rant about fat cat bankers and how he will tax them.

The big banks that Obama hates have actually repaid the TARP bailouts that they received. So naturally Barry wants to pass a special tax on banks. What about AIG, GM, Chrysler, etc?? Barry bailed out the auto manufacturers to save the UAW jobs and their straight party Democrat votes. Bankers don't vote a straight party ticket. I still don't understand the AIG thing.

I doubt that any liberals read this, but just in case they do, I am offering a solution for this problem. Barry needs to get out into the real world and get some experience. To that end, I am offering to host Barry's first day in the restaurant business. He can show up at 5:00 A.M. and hang out with me for eleven or twelve hours. He has to spend the day and not just make a token appearance. He can find out what talking to the public without a teleprompter is like. He can learn what it is like figure out how to make your income match your expenses. A little face time with a different class of folks than he normally meets will do him a world of good.

What's in it for me to help Barry with his working education? I am going to let him fill out all of those government forms that he thinks are a good idea.

You know where to find me Barry. Give me a call! Breakfast is on me!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Dear Barry

Dear Barry,

Just in case your friends and staff members haven't explained the situational change to you, I thought that I would drop you a quick note. Barry, the Reader's Digest version is that you got your ass handed to you yesterday in Massachusetts. A Republican beat your candidate by five points to win the Senate seat of the late Fat Teddy. Just for a little perspective, I will point out that there has not been a Republican in that seat in my lifetime. I'm older than you, Barry.

How now, brown cow? Here's my suggestions for you to regain some credibility. I think the slang term is "street cred", but as a Harvard grad I am sure that you understand the idea.

1. Remember all those promises of "transparency"?? It's time to make good on them. I'll be watching C-Span!!

2. Bi-Partisanship? You will need to involve those folks on the other side. If you want public support, give this a shot.

3. Change? Gingrich says it best, "Real change requires real change". You won the election, stop running!! It's time to deliver on all those promises.

4. Let me blunt Barry, this isn't Chicago. That style of politics won't play to a national audience. We just don't appreciate graft and corruption.

5. How to put it all together?? Go on television tomorrow. Tell us what we all already know. You screwed up!! The only way out of this for you is to admit the whole health care reform bill is fatally flawed and tell us that you are going to start all over. That way after you take another ass kicking in November, you won't have to watch the new Congress repeal your current health care bill.

As Kay Hagan says,
Your Friend

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Happy New Year!! Yeah, right.

Since I'm posting this on January 2, you can pretty well guess that I'm not a big fan of New Year's celebrations.

I have never understood the whole New Year's celebration thing. Do we celebrate the start of a new day? How about the start of a new week? Maybe the start of a new month? No, but every December 31, the world (or that part of it that we see on the news) goes a little crazy.

In Britain, there is apparently more than a little problem with alcohol abuse. There was a great picture of a girl with a short skirt and long legs face down in the snow. So maybe it is not all bad.

In France, the local vandals in large cities burn cars to celebrate the New Year. The French increased the number of police on duty but still had 1137 cars set afire. Of these are the same folks who sat and watched the Germans march into Paris.

In the United States we welcome the new year by watching an apple drop in New York, a peach drop in Atlanta, an acorn drop in Raleigh, and a possum drop in Casville. We also do more than our share for the alcohol business. As a non-drinker, I am fascinated by the whole concept of getting shit-faced drunk, throwing up, passing out, getting up the next day sick as a dog, and then telling everyone what a great time you had.

Gotta go!!! The Random Moments of Lunacy Bowl is coming on in a few minutes. I have already missed the pre-game parade.