Thursday, June 30, 2011

Plumbing & Panties

Early in the afternoon on Saturday a very large woman went into the ladies restroom at the restaurant. According to several employees she "blew up" the restroom, which resulted in some extra cleaning being needed. The odor lingered long enough to prompt a discussion about toxic fumes

Around 5:30, my son the night manager, called me to inform me that the toilets in both restrooms were clogged. I told him to call Able Sewer and Drain Cleaning and have them come out. Able arrived shortly and unstopped the drains. I called William later to check on the problem. He told me that Able had just finished and read the bill to me. "I ran a cable back from cleanout outside to clear line. Pulled out a very large pair of women's underwear."

You just can't make this stuff up!! So on Monday morning, I was sharing this story with several regular customers. Several women customers suggested that I should have placed the underwear somewhere with a sign, "Are these yours?" or something similar. Winner of the free breakfast for the best comment was Charlie with "If you had a flagpole.." It was entertaining enough that I gave our Marketing Advisor a copy of the bill. I think that she's in charge of entertainment at her family gatherings.

Here's a chance for you to see for yourself.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Jane Austen?

Jane Austen? Yes, I am blogging about Jane Austen. How did this happen? Excellent question, I'm thinking about answering it.

A few days ago, I sent an e-mail to a friend mentioning that I was watching NASCAR Race Hub on the living room television set because Susan was in our bedroom watching a Harry Potter movie. I wrote something to the effect that I would rather be tied down and forced to watch a "chick flick"  than watch a Harry Potter movie. To my surprise, the reply e-mail suggested that if I found myself in that position, I should watch a Jane Austen movie. My friend also mentioned that there was a new book out by a guy writing about what he learned about life from Jane Austen.

What did I know about Jane Austen? Mercifully, in the advanced English classes that I took in high school, we didn't read Austen. We read some other crap, little of which I recall today. In the last 40 years I have read enough to know who Austen was and a little about her work.

I went to Amazon to find the book about Austen. I read a Q & A with the author, William Deresiewicz (You are right, I can't pronounce it). It was pretty interesting, so I bought the book.

The book's title is A Jane Austen Education; How six novels taught me about love, friendship, and the things that really matter.  That's a mouthful!! The author is a former associate professor at Yale.

So what can I learn from a Jewish guy from Brooklyn about a 19th Century British writer? It was a lot more than I had ever thought possible. The author's attitudes are way too close to mine. Many of his stories and the lessons learned from them hit close to home for me.  In my recent post, "If the World Ends Today", I wrote, "To almost all of the women I dated, I'm sorry!" This book may be an expanded version of that thought.

Deresiewicz wrote about a seminar where the professor asked a class of mostly guys about Daphne du Maurier's book Rebecca. The professor asked "Didn't you like it?" The Jewish guy from Brooklyn sounded like the Presbyterian from Ruffin in his response. He wrote: "I don't know " I said, always the first to volunteer my opinion. "I can't really relate to it. It's kind of- -girlie." Sound like me??

He wrote about a woman on whom he had a huge crush. "Because reliably, pretty much every time we got together, I would manage to say something idiotic and hurtful: pretentious or sexist or condescending."
Been there, done that.

“Our egos, Austen was telling me, prevent us from owning up to our errors and our flaws, and so our egos must be broken down—exactly what humiliation does, and why it makes us feel so worthless.” There’s a shot to the head!

As I read about the author's relationships with several different women, and read what he learned from Austen,  I realized that there are some lessons to be learned from Jane Austen. I  just can't believe that I had to read a book from another guy to discover that. Maybe we should have read Austen in high school.

Maybe it all makes sense. If you want to understand about love, friendship and things like that, you will need to read a book by an author who wrote about that. The scary part is that I'm not sure how much more about myself I want to know.

So what now?? I guess that I will have to read an Austen book and decide for myself.  Maybe I'll just watch a movie made from one of her books. Sense and Sensibility seems to be highly recommended. I'll try it without being tied down first.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Why are we importing this??

On Wednesday I responded to an e-mail from a friend with a phone call. I told them that I was too tired to type another message. In a demonstration of what it takes to anger me, I sent my friend this e-mail about thirty minutes later.

"I was wrong about being too tired to type. The idiot sister of the Afghan who works here has reinvigorated me with a ridiculous request. At 8:25 PM she brought in a 3 page form from Social Services concerning some handout for which they have applied. She wanted me to fill it out tonight because she has to return it to Social Services tomorrow. I looked at it and saw a June 6 date. I asked her how long she had been holding the form. She responded that she had received it a couple of weeks ago. I explained that the time to bring it in was two weeks ago.

I told her that I did not have the payroll information required and that I could not get it before tomorrow afternoon. I told her that I would try to have the form done by 4:00 PM.

It's bad enough that I spend several hours a month filling out these forms for the native born deadbeats, do I have to fill them out for people that have come here from other countries? Do they have programs like this in Mexico or Afghanistan??  Do we not have enough people on the dole here?? Are we so short on deadbeats that we are forced to import them? Isn't spending hours a month filling out forms for our native losers enough? All of these forms just add to my already lengthy work day. Can't we charge a fee for filling these things out??
We have soldiers dying in Afghanistan so some deadbeats can come here and collect welfare. We need to pack these clowns up and ship them back. It's time to bring our guys home. Let those other people make it on their own.

Pissed off at the Pancake House,

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Wednesday Words

The arrest of the Pakistanis who helped the  United States find and kill Osama bin Laden should end any idea that Pakistan is our ally. It is time to pack up and come home. Why waste another life in that part of the world?

I saw that Hugh Hefner was dumped by his bride-to-be just a few days before their wedding. Maybe the sixty year age difference was a little too much. While I don't have a problem with age differences in marriage, I think that sixty years might be too big a difference to handle. He might have a few good days left in him.

Father's Day is this Sunday, so if you are Walter or William, here are a couple of tips. Try Lowe's or Barnes & Noble. Don't pick out a book at B&N, I'll choose my own. Anything from Lowe's is okay. The sale tools are in the aisle near the entrance.

I read a great book last week and when I work up the nerve, I'll post the blog post that I wrote about it.

For those asking about "the dog", the puppy weighs about fifty pounds now. In the evenings when I take her outside she chases fireflies. That's on the nights that she doesn't just race back and forth doing wind sprints. I tried to take her with me on a walk a couple of weeks ago. After dragging her 200 feet to the end of the drive, I realized that she wasn't interested. I walked alone!!

Yesterday was Flag Day. I posted a Flag Day special at the restaurant and was amazed at the number of people who did NOT know that it was Flag Day.  Just for the record, Independence Day is coming up soon.

For those wondering about the famous "pink shirts", I have branched out. Today is yellow shirt day. I have more experience with yellow shirts. At Taco Bell in the late 1970's, managers wore yellow shirts and brown vests. I wish  that that vests would come back into style. There's a couple of extra pockets to put stuff into and the vest makes it easier to conceal a gun.

In more brightly colored shirt news, I have a new shirt that is a light aqua color from the Anna Mitchell Colllection at Belk.

For those in fear of kilts, I still haven't worked up the nerve to wear my kilt to work. Maybe on July 4th, but don't bank on it. Judging by the number of people telling me that they want to be there with their cameras for that event, it could boost business.

I appeared on WFMY-TV last week. I was interviewed about debit card fees. My only problem was when I watched it, I saw some old guy who sounded like me. *##*, should have worn the pink shirt.

Jamacus, if you are reading this, what happened to the Heat? Wait, basketball is a team sport. I have a friend who is always a little surprised when I mention sports. This one's for you!! I'm waiting for one of your football parties to speak at length on sports.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

What were they thinking??

I was hoping that the story would just fade away, but it hasn't. What was Rep. Anthony Weiner thinking when he sent a picture of his crotch to everyone on his Twitter list? He lied about the entire thing from the beginning. He didn't know if the picture was him, his account had been hacked, it was a bunch of right-wing extremists, and on and on. he finally owned up to it a few days ago. Now, like in the Tiger Woods story, there are women coming out of the woodwork, who claim to have had some kind of relationship with him.

What kind of moron engages in this type of conduct and expects to remain in Congress? Okay, let me rephrase that. What kind of moron other than Barney Frank or a Kennedy expects to be able to remain in Congress after the crotch shot heard 'round the world? What kind of moron would vote for this guy? Plenty. A poll on Friday showed that 56% of voters would vote for him again. Noooooo!!!!

I'm pretty sure that I don't understand the Twitter thing. After this, I'm sure that I don't want to use Twitter. The chance that some guy's crotch picture will show up on my phone is a risk that I'm not willing to take.

What's the best thing about the whole Weiner incident or as one paper called it, the battle of the bulge? Thank God, he's a Democrat!

Republicans had their own problems this week as Newt Gingrich's campaign staff bailed out on him. This happened as Newt returned from a two week cruise in the Greek Islands. His staff apparently felt that despite his massive intellect, Mr. Gingrich was unable to grasp the meaning of "commitment". Who can be puzzled by that? He's been married three times!

I had hoped that Newt would make a good run in 2012. It's not going to happen. There are talkers and doers in life. Mr. Gingrich makes his living as a talker.

It wasn't just politicians this week, there was room left for others to be stupid.

In Brandon, Florida a man was charged with putting a camera in a unisex bathroom at a Starbucks. When employees found the camera and called the Sheriff's Department, deputies found that the pervert had filmed himself and his license plate. There's an easy case to solve.

In Greensboro, a former Guilford College professor was charging with taking pictures under some girl's skirt with a camera built into a pen. When police searched his home they found some child porn on his computer. This guy was a professor at a college started by and owned by Quakers. Here's a great picture of a guy who you don't want teaching your children! Mercifully, I had no pictures of Mr. Weiner.

Monday, June 06, 2011

My New Hero!!

Regular readers know that I am not much of a sports fan. So it will surprise many among you to learn that "my new hero" is Richard Childress from the NASCAR world.

For those who have been in a cave for the last three days, here's the story. After the Camping World Truck Series race on Saturday, Richard Childress had an "altercation" with Kyle Busch. Reports are that after taking off his watch and handing it to his grandson, he put Busch into a headlock and administered a few punches to Busch's head.

Childress was a man striking a few blows for old guys everywhere. While Busch is a talented driver, it is widely agreed that he talks too much. Ed Wolfe was fond of telling young people, including me, "Don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash." Apparently the young Mr. Busch was overdrawn.

When Busch gave one of Richard's trucks a "love tap" in the door during the cool down lap after the race ended, Childress had reached his limit. You have to admire Childress for showing that his attack on Busch wasn't an accident. He calmly removed his watch before putting Busch in that headlock. Why risk getting any Busch on your watch?

Today NASCAR announced that they have fined Childress $150,000 for the incident. They also stated that Busch had done nothing to cause the attack. I guess that they didn't see the video of the race. NASCAR should have given Childress $150,000. This is the best publicity that they have had in months. NASCAR has become so dull that you can barely tell the drivers apart. They all say and do everything as if they are following a script. Some kid getting his butt kicked by a guy more than twice is age is refreshing, at least for an old guy.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Is it the Heat??

Thursday night, one of my employees suggested that the reason business was slow was the NBA finals were on television. I suggested that he stop and consider what our average customer looks like and then reconsider his theory. Our average evening customer is closer to my age than his and I didn't even know they were playing. So is it the Heat? No, last night it was the Mavs.

Thursday afternoon I had a milkshake from Chic-Fil-A. Before you ask, we don't have ice cream at Tex & Shirley's. It was really good. I enjoyed it to the last cold, creamy, sweet drop. Before all of you dieters ask, it wasn't a LoCal milkshake or was it?

From last week's post, "Does God Exist?", come a couple of updates. First, on Sunday my chest finally stopped hurting from that "love tap" that I took on Wednesday. Second, when the young man at the center of that discussion left Wednesday night to go home, I told him; "When you tell your mama about what happened tonight, tell her that I did everything that I could do to keep your ass in one piece. I don't know how many more days like this I have left in me."

I have had several comments about the "If the world ends today" post. Several questioned if anyone knows all of the people mentioned, other than me. My wife read it before I posted it and she knew a lot of the names, but not all. There are three names that fall into the "inside joke" category and only that person and I would understand. So if some of it didn't make sense, blame it on the heat.

I must be losing my touch. I had to fire someone twice the other day. First, I took the young man outside and explained that I was terminating him. After I finished, I started back inside. To my surprise, he followed me back inside. I turned around and asked where he was going. He said, "I'm going to work." My response, "Let's talk again!" I explained termination to him one more time. I think that the explanation worked that time. Is it the heat??

There has been much discussion at work about whether or not I have mellowed. Two people have been fired in six days, the discussion has been shelved.

On Wednesday, a customer and fellow Buffalo Church member shared a story with me. As close as I can determine, she saw a couple in church on Sunday. The woman didn't look like my wife, she was older, and the man didn't look like me. That's when she realized that I wasn't in church on Sunday. I'm sorry, but I don't think that it was the heat on this one.

Time to get to work. I am putting together a display for Father's Day at the restaurant. My marketing consultant is coming by on Sunday to grade it. I'm hoping to pass!!