Saturday, March 08, 2008

Fat Carving for Dummies

There's a large billboard on Wendover Avenue in Greensboro hawking "Lipo Sculpture". For the slower among you, this is a marketing term for a process where plastic surgeons slice you open and vacuum the fat out for a more shapely YOU.

While there are some cases that may warrant plastic surgery, the whole thing has gone way too far. If guys were getting their penises enlarged at the rate that women are getting breast implants, Oprah would be too busy talking about it to campaign for Obama. I realize that some people want to maintain their youthful appearance with a little face lift, but look at the risks. Wayne Newton looks like he is Chinese, now that he's had his face done. God only knows what happened to Kenny Rogers! He looks like he had his face done by students at the Acme School of Plastic Surgery. Kenny, that wasn't the time to save a few bucks.

In this country, we wouldn't let someone cut open a hog and suck the fat out, but we pay to have it done to ourselves. Go figure!

It's the same old story in hospital nurseries across the land. A husband gets his chin fixed and his ears tucked back. His wife gets her nose done, her breast implants, and gets her butt done. They have a baby and look at it with the same reaction, "It doesn't look like us!" No kidding! Sorry, but the DNA doesn't pick up on the surgical changes. Read the disclaimers.

Got to go! I am getting out the Shop Vac and a utility knife to help the dog lose some weight.

Going camping?

You simply cannot make up anything as strange as real life. On the news last night, there was a story about two lesbians and their attempt to start a campground catering to gays, lesbians, and transgenders. In the mountains of western North Carolina, they had worked out a deal with the Happy Valley Campground to use part of their property for their new venture. Now the folks at Happy Valley have backed out of the deal and the girls are unhappy.

The prevailing belief is that the locals were not ready to welcome Camp Lickalotta to their area. Yes, Camp Lickalotta! I'm guessing that the names Camp Muffdiver and Camp Carpetmuncher were already taken. For those of you who still think that I am making this up, go to .

I am fascinated by the way that some radical gay people approach things. In the restaurant business, I have worked with a lot of gays. Years ago, a gay waiter was telling me that his sexual preference was his private business. Then why, I asked, do you keep telling us all about it?? I don't care what you do, but I don't want to hear all about it either.

The girls are claiming that the Camp Lickalotta has been misunderstood. Yeah, I believe that! I also believe that Camp 69, Camp DoggyStyle, Camp Kama Sutra, Camp Cunnilingus, and Fort Fellatio have no sexual connotations.

Enough of this, I am going back to their website to check on those Camp Lickalotta t-shirts.