Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Weird Wednesday

The headline in today's Greensboro News & Record was "Surprise Earthquake." Really? When was an earthquake last accurately predicted?

Pat Summitt, the University of Tennessee women's basketball coach, has announced that she will continue to coach despite the onset of dementia. In similar news, Joe Biden will be the Democrat's Vice Presidential candidate in 2012.

In personal news, I have some kind of growth on my left arm that's bothering me. I am going to the dermatologist next Thursday about it. I know what you are thinking, will this impact his blog? Not a chance, my typing finger is on my right hand.

Tiny Tim, my dishwasher, has added another child support withholding order to his resume. This means that seven children and "Baby Mamas" are depending on him for support. Let's start mandatory vasectomies!

My wife is in Louisiana this week with her mother. I have full custody of Dolly, our somewhat retarded dog. I tried to use a rolled up newspaper to discipline her last night. I think that I will need to roll a gun up in the newspaper for it to be effective. Thanks anyway for the tip, LoCal.

There's a story in the news today about Old Navy producing thousands of T-shirts with a typographical error. Lets, let's (pick one) face it, what are the odds that any of there, their, they're (pick one)customers will even notice?

Congress is in the middle of a six week summer recess. Raise your hand if your job gives you a six week paid summer vacation.

Two girls with green hair were in this afternoon. That's a sure sign that school starts tomorrow. The home burglary rate will plummet as the little  ##@@** return to vandalizing school buildings and assaulting teachers.

I had a couple of wait staff meetings this week. In a dress code discussion today, I pointed out that they were not to wear black or dark colored bras under white shirts. After the meeting, one waitress told me that I should be checking to make sure that they were all wearing bras. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, August 22, 2011

E.T. , phone Penn State!!

From Fox News:
"A team of American researchers have produced a range of scenarios in which aliens could attack the earth, and curiously, one revolves around climate change.
They speculate that extraterrestrial environmentalists could be so appalled by our planet-polluting ways that they view us as a threat to the intergalactic ecosystem and decide to destroy us.
The thought-provoking scenario is one of many envisaged in a joint study by Penn State and the NASA Planetary Science Division, entitled "Would Contact with Extraterrestrials Benefit or Harm Humanity? A Scenario Analysis."

Can you believe this crap?

This group of alleged scientists have wasted our tax dollars on this study. They suggest that aliens might attack us, enslave us, kill us or even eat us. One aspect of their theory suggests that the aliens might be angry about "global warming."

I would have failed junior high school science for writing that paper. After years of telling us that there are no aliens, now they are telling us that we might be lunch for aliens. Are you serious? Did adults actually write this?  Let's start drug testing scientists.

I think these guys from Penn State must have spent too much time playing football without helmets. Did someone from NASA actually participate in this? These guys must be desperate for more federal funding.

Do you think that Al Gore had anything to do with this report? Aliens, global warming, government funding, it has Al's name all over it.

This morning at the restaurant, we were discussing this report when one customer mentioned the part about how  the aliens might eat us. While she thought that it was laughable, she thought that the whole report and the idea behind it was just stupid. This is an obvious case of the customer always being right.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

More Dolly Video

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Baby Mama Blues and more

I'm sitting at Gil's Military & More in downtown Reidsville looking out the front window at the future of our country. There's a young man looking at a rack of books out on the sidewalk. He (?) is carrying a hand bag and a pair of flip flops. He's wearing a pair of shorts, that are actually knicker length, and what appear to be purple boxer shorts. He's not wearing a shirt, though I wish that he were. His nipples are pierced and he has a necklace with a medallion that appears to be hood ornament size. I think that I am going to throw up!! Wait, he has turned around. The back is no better! He has two huge tattoos, one on his upper back and one at his lower back at waist level. I'm going to the back of the store for a few minutes until he's gone.

My shopper is gone. I was afraid that he would come into the store. What are the odds I could wait quietly while he shopped? Where's that "No Brains, No shirt, No service" sign when I need it??

From the good news department, the price of gas is dropping. At a station near home, it is $3.49. Who would have ever thought that we would be excited by $3.49 gas? Only an Obama supporter.

Tiny Tim, one of my dishwashers, has a fetish for women in XL and XXL sizes.Timmy may weigh 120 pounds, soaking wet.  He has 6 children by 5 different women. One of his women has taken to hanging out at the restaurant. She comes in and sits for two or three hours at a time. When I arrived yesterday, she was waiting in the lobby for him, an hour before he was scheduled to leave. She had already been in for a few hours that morning. I tried to explain to her that she was a distraction factor for him and was interfering with his job performance. I told her that she should limit the time that she is there waiting for him. She told me that she was "his baby mama" and she would come in whenever she wanted. WRONG ANSWER!! I sent for Tim and a manager and when they arrived, I explained our new policy. Tim needs to convince her not to come to the restaurant and if she does the manager needs to call the police and have her removed. It's bad enough that my tax dollars are spend supporting a whale whose only work seems to be birthing babies, I don't have to put up with her causing problems at work.

In a related note, it should be against the law for obese people to receive food stamps. There's  a great scene in "The Crossing" where Col. Glover tells Gen. Knox, "In an army that hasn't eaten in three months, its damn near treason to be fat."

Congress says that they are going to tackle the job crisis just as soon as they get back from the Labor Day recess. If you are unemployed, hang on for just another month or so. Then you will still be unemployed, but at least they will be thinking about you. Remember that in 2012!

Saturday, August 06, 2011

Afghanistan, Why??

In the news today, thirty U.S. servicemen died when their helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan. Let me get this out to start, there isn't anything in Afghanistan worth thirty American lives.

Why are we wasting lives and money in Afghanistan?  Has anyone heard the old saying that "Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it" ? The Russians, a group of folks famous for brutality, could not win a war in Afghanistan. The Russians were also there for about ten years. What chance do we have? Even if we win what do we accomplish?

Are we there to protect the opium trade? Opium production has been on the rise since the United States invaded Afghanistan in 2001. Incredibly enough, the Taliban had an anti-opium program.  Approximately 90% of the world's opium originates in Afghanistan. Afghanistan is also the world's largest producer of hashish. So are we there to make the world safe for poppy farmers? Let me see if I understand this. We are spending billions building prisons to house drug users here at home, while in Afghanistan we are spending billions so drug producers can live freely. Are you ##**##@@ me? What sense does this make? We can't afford either choice.

In case you haven't noticed, we are in a financial bind. It makes absolutely no sense to waste another dime in that region of the world. Don't waste your time telling me about that "nation building" crap. Here's a simple fact. Not every country is ready for democracy. That's right, it doesn't work for everyone! Let's not spend another penny forcing democracy on a society too corrupt to understand or appreciate it.

I have an employee from Afghanistan who works part time. While Americans are dying in Afghanistan to "help" his country, he is here receiving food stamps and other government benefits. Why do we allow this? Isn't this just a little stupid?

What will happen in the area if we leave? Who gives a rat's behind? I won't even pretend to care about Pakistan. We gave them billions of dollars in aid and then found that they were sheltering Osama bin Laden. As far as I'm concerned, we should have ended any aid at that time. This area isn't like Europe after World War 2. We don't understand their culture and they don't understand ours. If I were in charge of this ball game, I would pack my ball, bat and glove and go home.

This area has a long history of instability. Are we so vain that we believe that we can change this? Go back to my second  paragraph, "Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it."

It's time to cut our losses and bring our troops and our money home. Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, it's time to learn from our mistakes.

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Thoughtless Thursday

 I read a story yesterday about the trial of Warren Jeffs, the polygamist and pedophile, on trial in Texas. The prosecution played an audiotape of Jeffs allegedly having sex with a 12 year old, while other church members watched. I don't care what your religion teaches, that is is depraved behavior. Where is Jim Jones with that Kool-Aid when you really need it??

If the 12 year old had been my daughter, the only trial would have been mine for killing the pervert Jeffs. It would be no problem for me to convince a jury that scumbag should die.

Jon Stewart is ripping both Obama and the Tea Party for the debt ceiling deal. Another case of a liberal who doesn't know whether to #**# or go blind! Can anyone who knows anything about politics have thought they wouldn't make a deal??

A friend of a friend watches "Morning Joe" on MSNBC. She is the only person I know who watches MSNBC. She actually believes what she hears on the show. WOW!! I realize that Joe Scarborough was a Republican at one time, but I assume that was before his decision to forsake everything that he believed. If he is MSNBC's idea of a token conservative, they need to reconsider it.

Sitting at my military surplus store today, I have had my Nazi customer for the day. Rarely does a day pass that I do not have someone come in looking for Nazi gear. Two questions come to mind with this. What's going on in Reidsville? Am I buying surplus from the wrong army?

It is still hotter than (insert profanity here) in North Carolina. Last night, I listened to a rant from a customer about global warming. He was spouting about a story that the temperature yesterday was going to break a 123 year old record. This, he asserts, is proof of Global Warming. I responded with a simple, "What the ##@@ was going on a 123 years ago to cause that temperature?" Silence. Thanks.

Rainier cherries are in season right now. Yes, they are expensive, but I like them. I just finished a bag and will probably visit Harris Teeter this evening for more. If you try them and don't like them, don't waste your time telling me.

Tonight in Greensboro there is a Mayoral candidates forum. It is at the Republican party headquarters on Market St. If you can attend, I can't, ask Robbie Perkins a few tough questions for me. The good news for Robbie and other candidates is that I have no plans of moving to Greensboro. If I were a resident, I would have already led a march to burn City Hall.

In completely unrelated news, The Queen's birthday is but a few days away. To avoid being the target of The Queen's ire, I won't give the date. Happy Birthday, Queenie!!!!