Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The High Cost of Sex

It's time to discuss the high cost of anything other than gasoline. Let's try the unbelievably high cost of sex. The escapades of former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer brought this to every one's attention. Elliot was reported to have engaged the services of a young prostitute at the rate of $1000 an hour. A thousand dollars an hour?? What an outrage! Who does this girl think she is, an attorney? Is she a doctor? Is she a politician giving a speech? No, she's just a hooker or "sex therapist".

What can a prostitute do that is worth $1000 an hour plus whatever she gets from the minibar in the room? Frankly, for that kind of money she should be on CNN the next morning, telling the world, "That was the biggest one that I have ever seen". She should fake an orgasm that would be nominated for an Oscar. She should be hanging out the hotel window screaming, "Girls, get up here and get you some of this!" There are no reports that Mr. Spitzer's "sex therapist" did any of these things. News reports did include descriptions of the "sex therapist's" tattoos. The tattoos neither mentioned Mr' Spitzer's sexual prowess nor the size of his schlong, so they were of no benefit to him.

Mr. Spitzer's spending for sex pales in comparison to the amount paid by Sir Paul McCartney. Paul recently divorced his wife of some four years with a settlement of a little more than 48 million dollars. Rounding everything off to make it easy, Sir Paul paid approximately one million dollars a month for companionship. Remember, this is only the divorce settlement cost. It does not include the money actually spent during the marriage. One million dollars a month is $1389 an hour, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The meter never stops running. What about just the high cost of sex? Let's suppose that Sir Paul and Ms. Mills had sex EVERYDAY and let's further suppose that they spent three hours a day doing it. Three hours? Yes, sometimes the Viagra takes longer to wear off. At that rate, sex costs $10,959 per hour. That makes Mr. Spitzer's young lady look like she came from the Dollar Tree.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

High Gas Prices got you stumped???

High gas prices are like the weather, everybody talks about it but nobody does anything about it. Here are a few suggestions for you and the government to try.

Hillary Clinton says that if elected, she will immediately begin an investigation to see if the market has been manipulated. She will also start a study to see if the sun rises in the east. Let's try something that will take less than a hundred years to find a solution.

What if we all reduce our gasoline usage by 5%? The gasoline distribution system is set up for deliveries, not long term storage. When gasoline, which does have a shelf life, starts backing up in the pipelines, the price will drop. Those unable to believe this are directed to any text explaining supply and demand.

What if we turn it over to the Congress and let them come up with an answer? First. get your horse and buggy ready to go. Congress will move at a pace that will make Hillary's solution look like a blitzkrieg.

Here's the Jones RMOL short term solution. The country is at war. Ask around if you don't know this. We are fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the "war on terror" that is happening at airports and government buildings near you. As in World War Two, the government needs to nationalize some businesses to make sure that we are successful. Time for the feds to take over the oil companies. This will send prices down as if on a slide. This will help us in our war efforts. The side effect is that the economy will survive. At this point, you are probably thinking, "Is he crazy?" More than likely, but I digress. The government can quite easily deal with those record profits at Exxon and other oil companies. What business is the government in that makes a profit? The President can do this by Executive Order, no need for Congress to come to life. This has been done before, check a history book.

The RMOL long term solution is simple. Let's drill for oil where we fly the red, white, and blue. Give oil companies tax breaks for drilling on US soil only.
What about the environmentalists, caribou, and spotted owls? Ship them all to Saudi Arabia to fight the Arabs for their oil.

Friday, April 25, 2008

What's important??

The price of gasoline goes up on a daily basis. Food prices are soaring in grocery stores. Drugs, crime, droughts, and a host of other things plague the state of Florida. So last Thursday, as the price of gas went up ten cents a gallon, the Florida Senate dealt with a pressing issue. Yeah, right! The Senate debated a bill outlawing the plastic testicles that you see hanging from trailer hitches on trucks and SUVs. Apparently, the sight of a pair of plastic balls is causing more concern than the price of gasoline. I wish that they would have tackled the really tough issue of those big crown shaped air fresheners in cars. How about those fuzzy dice hanging from rear view mirrors?? What about all those bogus "Honor Roll Student" bumper stickers? How about those big "MEXICO" decals on pickup rear windows?

John "Insane" McCain said that the North Carolina Republican Party is out of touch with reality. Has John been to Florida? We may be out of touch, but at least we didn't waste a day discussing plastic testicles!! I guess we just didn't have the balls for it.

Out of touch???

John McCain has blasted the North Carolina Republican Party for "being out of touch with reality". This after the NC GOP refused to pull an ad criticizing Barack Obama as being "just too extreme". The ad features a clip of Obama's pastor of twenty years, Jeremiah Wright. Apparently, we are to accept the idea that Obama sat in church every Sunday, but disagreed with all the whacko statements made by his pastor. He just forgot to mention it until now. When his pastor made his now famous statement, "It's not God bless America, it's God damn America", Obama should have stood up and walked out of the church. That's what anyone with principles would have done. Did Obama tell his pastor that he disagreed with him (before starting his campaign)? Who is really out of touch with reality??

McCain's comments caused me to have two reactions;
1. I made a donation to the NC GOP, which I have never done before.
2. I am going to the polls on May 6 to vote for ANY other Republican than McCain. I'm so pissed off at McCain that Huckabee is starting to look good.

Time to get to work and see what those in touch with reality are doing today.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Election Summary

This is from an e-mail circulating now:

From a Danish Friend :

"We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.

On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.

Is there a contest here?"

There's nothing I can add to this.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Catching up

I would have written sooner, but I have been under sniper fire with Hillary and Chelsea in Bosnia.

Yes, I'm one of those of those "bitter" people with guns that Obama has spoke so eloquently about lately.

Yes, I'm still sticking to my prediction of Gore as the Democratic candidate for President. Neither of the clowns presently in the race can win on the first ballot. Delegates are only committed on the first ballot. After that, they will turn to Gore to unite the party, reinvent the Internet, save the world from Gorebal warming, and turn the nation around. Rumor is that some Democrats believe that on the seventh day, Al will rest.

Is John Edwards, the Breck girl, still alive?

I was pulling for Gingrich as the GOP nominee, but unless McCain buys the farm before the convention, that isn't going to happen. Anyway, Newt's on my shit list for agreeing to appear in some ads with Gore the Bore about Gorebal warming. Newt had such promise at one time.

How about Condi Rice as McCain's vice president? If the Republicans run a black woman, the Democrats won't know whether to shit or go blind.

Bill Clinton called Elliot Spitzer a few weeks ago and said, "Boy, you paid for what???" Coming soon, a post on the high cost of sex.

I saw a sign at a car wash in Reidsville recently, "Now excepting debit and credit cards". Does this mean that they will take anything EXCEPT debit and credit cards? Or is it just another tribute to the failure of publik edukashon?

Several politicians are suggesting that we temporarily suspend the gas tax to cut fuel prices. Here's a thought, let's drill for our own oil. Heard of Alaska? Frankly, I care more about getting to work in the morning than about some frigging caribou. If the environmentalists had been around, there would still be dinosaurs. The only species that I worry about becoming extinct is man. The rest can fend for themselves.

An excellent letter in the local paper recently brought out a great point, do we have a withdrawal plan in the war on poverty?

Some moron on TV was griping that we can't garrison Iraq for the next ten years. We have been in Germany since 1945. I guess that doesn't count since the Germans have beer.

The oil company executives testifying before Congress about their profits was good entertainment. Their claims about small profits were almost as believable as the tobacco company executives who testified years ago that they didn't know that cigarettes were addictive.