Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Thank you, Mr. Young

Andrew Young, former Mayor of Atlanta, former US ambassador to the United Nations, and golden boy of the Carter Administration, has confirmed what I have known for years. The news is out, blacks are racists also. Once thought to be the exclusive province of middle-aged, white, southern males, racism is everywhere.

In case you missed it, Andrew Young was interviewed by a Los Angeles paper in conjunction with his job shilling for Wal-Mart as head of "Working Families for Wal-Mart". In the interview he attacked Mom and Pop local stores whom he claimed had sold "bad meat..stale bread and wilted produce...." Then in describing the owners of those stores, "First it was the Jews, then the Koreans, and now the Arabs." Hey, I guess that as a former UN ambassador he had the obligation to smear people worldwide. Mr. Young no longer works for Wal-Mart.

Mr. Young did not explore the robbery rates at those local places. How many of those shopkeepers have been killed in robbery attempts? Nor did he explore the shoplifting rates at those local stores. Possibly he could explain why his constituents were stealing what he has described as inferior products. Next time Mr. Young should explore both sides of the story before putting his foot into his mouth.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Thursday Thoughts

I read an interview with Jimmy Carter where he criticized Israel for an "unjustified" attack on Lebanon. Mr. Carter feels that it is OK for Hezbollah to grab a few Israelis and shoot a few rockets into Israel. Apparently dementia is starting to set in on the old peanut farmer. Reports from Hollywood that Mel Gibson was seen having a few drinks with Jimmy before this interview are unconfirmed.

Hey, you have to love those bureaucrats at the TSA with their latest security steps in airline travel. Eliminating any carry-on liquids, who would have guessed that one? The next step is to install urinals at security checkpoints to make sure that no one is smuggling liquids on board.

Speaking of airline security, wouldn't it be easier to look for bombers than bombs? It seems that almost all terrorists are young Muslim males. Why are security people feeling up forty year old women wearing underwire bras to see if they are carrying bombs in their breasts? Simple, the point for the federal government is NOT to prevent attacks. The goal of the federal government is to gain complete control over EVERY aspect of your life. From seat belts to fat in foods, nothing is too minor for the government to want to control. But I digress. If young male Muslims are carrying out all these attacks, why not focus on them? Don't waste your breath with the profiling argument crap. Checking the bra of a fifty year old Southern Baptist woman for a bomb is like clocking pedestrians walking down the sidewalk looking for speeders. It just ain't happening! There is profiling going on everyday. When a woman gets raped, are any of the suspects ever women? Of course not, they are looking for a male suspect. Isn't that profiling? If you are looking for someone writing bad checks, would you search a three year old? Of course not, but isn't that profiling? So if young Muslim males are blowing up planes, why does a fat, bald, pale as a sheet Caucasian, 53 year old Methodist have to take off his shoes and unhook his belt to get on a plane??

Shampoos, gels' and all kinds of personal care products have been banned from carry-on luggage. When did you ever see a terrorist described as a metrosexual?

THIS JUST IN!! TSA (Transportation Safety Administration) officials deny reports that KY jelly is being confiscated at security checkpoints and then sold to oil company for use at gas stations.(I just can't get away from the gas price thing.)

Interesting sideline on airport security and our government. You can stand at the end of the runway and lob ducks and geese into the air and eventually bring down a plane. A big bird getting sucked into a jet engine can cause serious problems. Wait!! We can't do anything about this. Several types of birds are protected species. I am fascinated by the fact that I can be removed forcibly from an airport but a Canada goose can't .

I have a concealed carry permit. This means I can walk down a busy street with a gun. I can't get on an airplane with nail clippers or shampoo. Does any of this make sense??

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Morons on Mopeds

On the way to work on Tuesday morning, I saw an incredible sight on US 29. At 5:00 in the morning there was some idiot riding a moped in the right lane doing about 35 miles per hour. It's 55 MPH zone out there and most people are doing more than 65 MPH.

This is a guy with a death wish. The taillight on his moped was not working and neither were the streetlights in that area. The only reason that I saw him was that something on his helmet reflected a little light from my headlights. I quickly changed lanes to avoid turning this guy into a human pancake.

Why do we allow idiots to ride these things on busy streets?Why do we let them ride them on streets at all? Are there any adult males riding these things who have not had a DUI? Is that a requirement to buy one? How long before Mel Gibson is spotted on a moped? Mel would probably buy one as long as it wasn't made in Israel.

Maybe it is some type of perverse punishment. First, you get a DUI. Then you get a moped to drive. Rather than worry about you getting drunk and killing someone with your car, we now just have to worry about who is going to kill you on your moped. Frankly, I'm not interested in scraping some alcoholic or wino off the front of my van. In addition, if I had hit that guy, I would almost certainly have been late for work.

What next, riding mowers on the interstate? At least they are big enough to see. They could also cut down on highway maintenance costs by doing some of the mowing. I think that there is a country music song about this.

A kid who worked for me a few years ago got a DUI and then a moped. I guess that was his planned career path. A couple of weeks after he got his moped, he hit a pile of leaves on the side of the road. Fell and broke his leg. Yes, he was drunk when it happened. Frankly, I think that riding a moped is probable cause for the police to stop you and administer a field sobriety test.

There's some old guy in my area who rides a moped with squirrel pelts hanging from a whip antenna. Bikers, what are you going to do?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Random Thoughts

1. July turned out to be LESS than the hottest July on record. It turns out that July 1936 was hotter. Was anyone talking about global warming then? Of course not. Roosevelt would have started some government program if that had been the case.

2. Dateline on NBC did a story the other night about Terrell Owens. Just when you think that they can't go any lower. I guess that the sausage eating champion wasn't available for interviews so they subbed an egomaniac who doesn't understand the word "team".

3. Hezbollah. Is that Lebanese for "religious idiot"?

4. In related news, I keep seeing news stories about Lebanese being killed in Israeli air attacks. Aren't there any Israelis being killed in Hezbollah rocket attacks? This is kind of like Hurricane Katrina, it only flooded black and poor neighborhoods. Turn off the television!!!

5. Tourists are being robbed and killed in increasing numbers in Washington, DC. Tourists may be safer in Baghdad. So naturally, every network newscast starts with a report on how many people died in Iraq today. Add the numbers of those murdered in New York, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Detroit, and Washington every day. Compare it to the number of soldiers killed in Iraq every day. You do the math.

6. I heard today that tryouts have started for the new season of American Idol. WOW!!
Don't worry, I'm too old to compete. They don't have a sarcasm category anyway.

Gas, Grass, or Ass? Part 2

While on vacation a couple of weeks ago, we went to a flea market in Sweetwater, Tennessee. As I was wandering around looking for some other piece of junk to haul 400 miles home, my older son came up to me waving a bumper sticker. A Blast from the past!! I didn't know that they were still making these stickers. He bought it and put it on his car when we got back home.

BP = Broken Pipeline

After my recent "Are You being screwed?" post, an acquaintance asked if I ever got tired about bitching about the price of gas. You must be kidding!! I drive between 80 and 100 miles a day, the price of gasoline is important. Actually the price doesn't inflame me nearly as much as the reasons behind the high prices. Among other things, the federal government has allowed the market to be controlled by a handful of companies through acquisitions and mergers. Gasoline prices go up, so they allow mergers. Computer prices go down, so they sue Microsoft, go figure! But I digress.

BP's announcement about shutting down their Alaskan pipeline makes complete sense. Here's a company posting record profits, but they don't maintain their equipment. Someone wakes up one day and realizes that they haven't inspected their pipeline in sixteen years. In the real world, those boys would be filing for unemployment. In the oil business they will probably be promoted. " Hey Biff!! I know a great way to raise gas prices ten per cent!" The pipeline maintenance chief was probably promoted to vice president today. He's looking for another pipeline to shut down tonight.

On the news tonight, some bureaucrat was claiming that government pipeline inspectors will decide when the pipeline will reopen. Hey! Where were these inspectors the last sixteen years?

In other oil news, Shell has started a new advertising campaign. " Shell takes the pain out of filling up! Free Astroglide with 8 gallon purchase!" (Google Astroglide if you didn't get this one)

Monday, August 07, 2006

Here's your sign!!!!!!!! Part TWO

Here's your sign!!!!!!!! Part One

We recently returned from vacation. We spent a few days in Chattanooga, Tennessee at a Hampton Inn in Lookout Valley, near the base of Lookout Mountain.

One evening, my older son came to the room to tell us that there was a bus stuck in the driveway. The Hampton was positioned on a rather steep hill. There were three driveways into the hotel. Two were posted with a sign prohibiting vehicles over 24 feet. At the third driveway, the sign was much clearer as you can see in the photo. We walked down to assess the situation. When we got there a wrecker driver was attempting to tear up the asphalt so that he could get a cable under the rear bumper and hook up to the base. With the angle of the bus, the rear bumper was wedged against the road. Ever helpful (right!), I walked down to talk to the Tennessee state trooper and two Chattanooga policeman.

I spoke to the trooper first and told him, " Look, I'm not a cop, a bus driver, or even a wrecker driver, BUT if I wanted to cut up all that asphalt, I would get my ass over to that Ace Hardware right over there and buy a chisel to work with on the aspahalt" The trooper told me that the wrecker driver had two men on the way to help him. We stood and watched a few more minutes as the driver and then his two helpers continued to hack away at the asphalt using a pry bar and a hammer.

We left to go to dinner. A couple of hours as we pulled back into the lot, they started pulling the bus out. They pulled the bus out only to find out that it would not go into gear. I tried to tell the trooper that the loud hissing sound was not normal. He wasn't remotely interested. When we left the next morning, the bus was sitting across the street waiting for a mechanic.

So, if you're a driver for "Calco Tours", I hope you didn't lose your job. It doesn't matter, Here's your sign!!!!!!

Are You Being Screwed??

No, this isn't a spoof about the PBS British "comedy" show, "Are you being served?" . This is my regularly scheduled bitch about the price of gas.

Friday, my son and I drove to Norfolk, Virginia to pick up a load of surplus that I had purchased. A few minutes after leaving home, we stopped for gas at a Valero station just inside the Virginia border. Gas there was $2.86 a gallon, the cheapest gas that I would see all day. Gas at the corner store near home in North Carolina was selling for $2.95. The gas tax in North Carolina is 12 cents higher in North Carolina than Virginia. I thought that gas would be cheaper in Virginia. Short answer, I was wrong.

Worst example was in Emporia where US 58 intersects with I-95. Travelers are getting screwed so badly here that there is KY jelly at the gas pumps. Gas in Emporia ranged from $3.03 to $3.10 a gallon. Wait! Before we all leap to conclusions and decide that travelers are being raped by oil companies in Emporia, let's look around. I drove two miles further down US 58 and found a station selling gas for $2.89. Is it a coincidence that Exxon reports record profits every quarter??

By the time we got to South Hill where 58 meets I-85, I was primed for a rant on more traveler screwing. Wrong again. At the South Hill intersection, gas ranged from $2.86 to $3.01. Not as high as Emporia, but in the same range as at home. What's going on here?? Don't bother asking anyone in the gas business!

So if anyone from Exxon, BP, Shell or any of the other multinational rapists reads this, here's a simple question. With a gas tax that is 12 cents lower, why is gas selling for 15 cents a gallon more in Emporia, Virginia than Caswell County, North Carolina???

I realize that this is only a dream, but possibly someone in government might consider taking some kind of action on this situation. Memo, don't hold your breath!