Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Morons on Mopeds

On the way to work on Tuesday morning, I saw an incredible sight on US 29. At 5:00 in the morning there was some idiot riding a moped in the right lane doing about 35 miles per hour. It's 55 MPH zone out there and most people are doing more than 65 MPH.

This is a guy with a death wish. The taillight on his moped was not working and neither were the streetlights in that area. The only reason that I saw him was that something on his helmet reflected a little light from my headlights. I quickly changed lanes to avoid turning this guy into a human pancake.

Why do we allow idiots to ride these things on busy streets?Why do we let them ride them on streets at all? Are there any adult males riding these things who have not had a DUI? Is that a requirement to buy one? How long before Mel Gibson is spotted on a moped? Mel would probably buy one as long as it wasn't made in Israel.

Maybe it is some type of perverse punishment. First, you get a DUI. Then you get a moped to drive. Rather than worry about you getting drunk and killing someone with your car, we now just have to worry about who is going to kill you on your moped. Frankly, I'm not interested in scraping some alcoholic or wino off the front of my van. In addition, if I had hit that guy, I would almost certainly have been late for work.

What next, riding mowers on the interstate? At least they are big enough to see. They could also cut down on highway maintenance costs by doing some of the mowing. I think that there is a country music song about this.

A kid who worked for me a few years ago got a DUI and then a moped. I guess that was his planned career path. A couple of weeks after he got his moped, he hit a pile of leaves on the side of the road. Fell and broke his leg. Yes, he was drunk when it happened. Frankly, I think that riding a moped is probable cause for the police to stop you and administer a field sobriety test.

There's some old guy in my area who rides a moped with squirrel pelts hanging from a whip antenna. Bikers, what are you going to do?


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