Monday, April 24, 2006

Reade Seligmann- Twins? Or the longest schlong in Durham??

Unless you have been in Aruba the last month, you should know who Reade Seligmann is. Reade is one of the two Duke lacrosse players indicted for the rape of a stripper. However, now some new facts have come to light in the case.

It seems that at the same time the stripper charges that Seligmann was raping and abusing her, he was on the cell phone, in a taxi, withdrawing money at an ATM, buying some fast food, and going to his dorm room. How could all of this be true??

The easy, yet outrageous explanation is that the stripper and Reade Seligmann are in a parallel universe not subject to the laws of physics that we deal with here . Then again, maybe Seligmann has an evil twin brother who does all the bad stuff in his life.

Let's consider some other possibilities. Maybe the lineup that the police put together is flawed. Maybe the stripper is just wrong. Maybe, she's just a liar. Any of these are possible, but I have a few other theories.

Seligmann is alleged to have made a couple of cell phone calls during the time that the girl was being kidnapped, abused, and raped in a bathroom barely big enough to sit in. Even for a Duke student with their reputation for arrogance, what kind of sociopath stops during a rape to make a phone call?? I can hear it now, "Bet y'all can't guess what I'm doing now!" or if he had a camera phone, the famous "Watch this!!". Wait a minute! Seligmann is from New York. It would have to be "I'll bet that youse guys can't guess what I'm doing!"

But from the Big John Holmes, Johnny Wadd, Long Dong Silver School of Thought comes the winning theory. It's simple, Seligmann has the longest schlong in all of Durham. Forget what you've heard about men of color. Seligmann is long enough to rape a girl from a cab going away from the scene, long enough to reach 610 Buchanan from the ATM machine. Hey Reade!! Give up lacrosse!! Get into porno movies now!! At least you won't have to spend $800 to see a couple of girls take off their clothes.

Coming Soon!!
Calling Barney Fife!!! The Durham Police put out a call for professional law enforcement help. Also, Is Mike Nifong the biggest prostitute in Durham?? Does the DA even know a good lawyer??

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter!!- Four Facts about Religion

Four Facts about Religion (Author Unknown)

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the head of the Christian Church.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Who knew lacrosse could be so interesting??

The scandal surrounding the Duke (or Dook, if you are a UNC fan) lacrosse team grows daily in the news. This story has everything that Trash TV needs to make a hit show. Let's run down the list.

1. We have the Duke lacrosse team itself. They have been described as a bunch of rich, white kids who went to expensive prep schools before going to Duke. Wow! That must have taken a lot of research. How many lacrosse fields have you seen in the projects? It costs more than $40,000 a year to go to Duke, that pretty well eliminates a lot of middle income folks.

2. We are now treated to stories about how the residents of Durham dislike Duke and the students. News Flash for Durham residents!! If Duke shuts down and pulls out of Durham, your town will look like Beirut or Baghdad in about a week. Between the Duke Medical Center and the school, they keep a lot of you working. Learn to love it!

3. We have a District Attorney who faces an election in about three weeks. Is there a slight possibility that Mr. Nifong is trying find a case to satisfy black voters? Is there a slight possibility that the sun rises in the east?

4. Just for laughs, we throw in the class struggle story. It's a poor, black, single mother trying to work her way through college at an historically black university versus the rich, white kids from the formerly all white university. To top it off, the rich kids play a sport that most people have never watched or even heard of before.

5. Racial Profiling, yes, that is correct, we have racial profiling. There are 47 players on the Duke team. Only 46 had their DNA tested. One player was not tested because he was black. The other 46 players were all tested on the basis of race. That meets all of the criteria for racial profiling, yet I have not heard it mentioned. If it were 46 blacks being tested and one white guy left out, the NAACP would be marching to protest. Why not now??

Here's a few points to ponder and some more questions that I would like to have someone in the cast answer.

1. Duke players- If you guys are so smart, why did you pay two girls from an escort service $800 to strip? Seems a little pricey to me. I guess that falls into the "more money than sense" category.

2. News Media- This girl worked for an ESCORT Service. Is there anyone over 12 who doesn't realize that escort services are just fronts for prostitution? Do you think that they charge $100 just to have someone go to a movie with you? Maybe I missed it, but which network has investigated the service that employed the victim?

3. District Attorney Nifong- Do you remember that part about innocent until proven guilty? Are you just pandering to black voters? If you really believe that you have a case, why haven't you charged someone?

4. To the victim- You went to a house to take off your clothes and dance naked for 50 strangers. What the hell were you thinking?? The police station is 9/10 of a mile from the house, the Kroger store is almost 2 miles in the other direction. Why did you go to the Kroger store to "report the incident"?

5. To everyone shocked by the whole situation- Who ever heard of college students partying and drinking? Who is shocked to find that athletes get preferential treatment? Can you believe that someone from an escort service took off their clothes? Would an elected official do something just for votes? Would anyone tell a lie? Would a college fire a coach to preserve their reputation?

I don't really care what happens in this case. The Duke guys may be guilty as sin. The DA may be a vote whore. The victim may or may not be a victim. Duke may be the real victim.

Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it. Does anyone remember Tawanna Brawley?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Dress for success??????

I am rarely out at 8:00 AM, I am either at work or at home. This morning I had a few errands to run in Greensboro, so I was out on the road between 8 and 9. As I drove through Greensboro, I passed several groups of high school students waiting for the bus. What an eye opening experience!

I dress better to paint the house or mow the grass than these kids do to go to school. I guess all those guys are wearing those t-shirts that go to their knees to cover up their pants hanging down below their butts. If you have to stoop to put your hands in your pants pockets, they are hanging way too low. I asked an employee one day why he and his friends let their pants sag. His response " 'cause that's how convicts wear them." So now we have a generation with criminals as their role models. Anyone care to speculate on the future of society?

But the boys were well dressed compared to the girls. It was a little cold this morning, yet many of the girls looked like they were going to the beach or a tanning bed (more on the insanity of cooking yourself another day). It is no wonder that young men can't concentrate at school or that teenage pregnancy rates are so high. I couldn't believe that parents let girls leave the house dressed like these girls. When I was in high school, if you wanted to see a girl dressed like that, it involved a fake ID, a $5 cover charge, and a 2 drink minimum. Girls pants are cut so low that they are walking ads for laser hair removal. Most of them wear their pants so tight that you can read their lips. Sixteen year old girls walking around with their asses out of their pants and their breasts pushed up out of their shirts is a recipe for trouble.

Dudley High School in Greensboro decided to go to uniforms next year. The liberals in the school administration can't bring themselves to say uniforms, so they call it Standard Mode of Dress or something similar. It is time to bring back dress codes at schools. If you have teenagers and think that I am crazy, it's OK. Ask yourself if you could go to work dressed like your child is going to school.