Friday, September 18, 2009


Yes, I know that I rarely write about sports but I thought that I would surprise a few people.

NASCAR has started "The Chase". This means that it will take 12 laps instead of 10 laps to put me to sleep. I can't wait.

The NFL has started their regular season. If you follow the Bucs or the Panthers, the good news is that there are only 15 games left.

Jerry Richardson's two sons resigned from their positions with the Carolina Panthers a couple of weeks ago. Reportedly, Jerry woke up after his heart transplant and said, "You paid Julius Peppers what??????"

After completing several passes to the wrong team, Panthers QB Jake Delhomme is having his eyes examined for possible color-blindness as the Panthers struggle to keep the ball while on offense. Jake, fresh from signing his 5 year, $42 million deal, appears unconcerned about his ability to throw to his own team.

Serena Williams lost a match after threatening to "shove this fucking ball down your fucking throat" in an exchange of ideas with an official. Tennis, the ladies game! You can dress them up, you can't take them out!

Jeremy Mayfield's lawsuits with NASCAR are motoring through the legal system. At this pace, if he wins, he will be able to drive in the Senior Cup events. You're right, they don't have a Senior Cup. They will by the time all of the legal fighting is over.

What would this blog be like if I were a NASCAR driver??
1. Ads EVERYWHERE!!!!!!
2. I would start every paragraph with a picture of me drinking whatever bottled water I am endorsing.
3. "AWESOME"...............
4. Every post would start with "The Tex & Shirley's breakfast was really good today. The crew put together a breakfast that I could win with today. It handled well in the curves of the spoon......"
5. I would lead NASCAR in the cussing points category.
6. IF I answered questions, the top question would probably be, "How's a fat guy like you get into one of those cars?" The answers would help me with # 5 above.

If you have been able to either stay awake or wake up in time for the last few laps of a race, I am sure that you have heard some idiot reporter ask the same stupid questions every race. They will go to the crew chief of the car in second place and ask, "Do you think that you can catch the leader? Do you have anything for the #9(or whoever the leader is) car?" Just once, I want to see a crew chief grab his crotch, and tell the reporter, "I got your #9 car hanging right here, pal! Does that answer your question?"

Time to climb into the Jones Surplus Dodge Caravan and head off to work. It's going to be an awesome day!!


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