Monday, March 23, 2009

March Madness!!!!

I'm not writing about basketball!! (Maybe once!)

Little Girl: "Momma, do it hurt?"
Mother: "Child, it's been over a month. He ain't wrote, he ain't called, he ain't come by to see me."

That's the either the punch line to an old joke or the story of this blog.

My only friend, Ken, sent me this jewel.
Monica Lewinsky goes into a dry cleaner and tells the old man behind the counter, "I've got a stain on this shirt that I need you to get out." The old man has trouble hearing her and says, "Come again." Monica responds, " No, this time it's just ice cream."

How about that compassionate new President of the United States? He goes on Leno's show and ridicules people in the Special Olympics. That's what happens when the teleprompter goes blank. If a Republican had said that, the Kennedys would be screaming for his removal.

I am thinking of investing my stimulus windfall in lottery tickets.

Rumor is that UNC won a basketball game the other night. If I actually gave a rat's ass about it, I would know who they played.

Congress and the new Savior want to regulate ammunition. They are willing to let us own guns, just nothing to put in them. They want to be able to track every round of ammo sold. This from a government that can't find illegal aliens, track sex offenders, or keep tabs on all those on probation or parole. Hell, they can't even keep track of all the money that they spend or items that they purchase.

Last month at work, a woman was trying to enter through the emergency exit. When she finally found her way inside, she told the hostess, "That door is locked." The hostess explained that it was an emergency exit. That prompted the dumbass woman to say "You should have a sign on the outside telling people." I joined the conversation and asked, "Why would I have an emergency exit from the outside?" I haven't seen her again.

The phone rang the other night at 10:45 P.M. The moron on the other end asked, "What time do you close?" I responded, "We close at 9:00 P.M." Moron, "So you are closed now?" Me, "Correct" CLICK. There needs to be some kind of idiot interlock fitted on telephones that requires the user's IQ to be a positive number.

How can you tell that an employee is completely useless? I had a busboy who was scheduled yesterday, but failed to report for work or to call in. No one noticed. I didn't realize it until my son called me last night and told me that the idiot in question was at the restaurant to check his schedule. His future is dim.

I am among those who wish our new President good health. I don't even want to learn to say "President Biden". In a Biden Administration , the new Presidential seal would feature a foot in a mouth.

I am vomit level with all the stories about Michelle Obama and her "toned" arms. Michelle, if you are reading this, take a memo, Honey. This isn't Hollywood or Muscle Beach, get something with some friggin' sleeves. The phrase that you don't understand is "proper business attire". We don't let employees work in sleeveless shirts. I expect the First Lady to dress at least as professionally as a hostess at a pancake house. If your arms are big enough to toss Barack's ass around, I congratulate you. Keep 'em under wraps.


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