Friday Free Shots 4.19

 After dismissing the impeachment trial of Alejandro Mayorkas as unconstitutional, Chuck Schumer should stay away from tall trees and long ropes. Not all of the voters are as understanding as your Senate friends.

Biden spent three days campaigning in Pennsylvania. They sent him back to D.C. after running out of chocolate chip ice cream. Either that or he couldn't find his way off the stage and back to Air Force One. When they finally found him, they tied him to his chair.

I keep seeing poll results that have a strong aroma of bullshit about them. Are pollsters reflecting the opinions of the electorate or trying to shape the opinions of the electorate?

Her name is Joy Reid because there is more than one way to spell "liar".

Some schmuck online the other day claimed that Trump had told more than 40,00 documented lies. I asked him to send me his data. That was Monday. Still no reply, the email must be running late. Maybe the schmuck is looking for a stamp for his email.

Speaking of lies, has anyone other than me heard from Corn Pop lately? I met him last week and he told me that he had gone to the Naval Academy with that appointment that Biden claims that he received but never used. He made admiral just before Joe did.

Trump is a native of New York City. All of those guys are famous for exaggerating and embellishing. Everything in New York is better than anywhere else in the world. If you don't believe me, ask a New Yorker. They are only abandoning "The City" now to go south to brag about New York. Yeah, right!!

Just to be fair, people from Texas are also loud and blowhards, but not quite as obnoxious as New Yorkers. Everything is bigger in Texas. If you don't believe me, ask a Texan. That reminds me of what someone wrote on the men's room wall at the Waffle House in Lakeland, Florida in 1975. Above the toilet tissue dispenser was written, "Here I sit, cheeks a flexin, giving birth, to another Texan." You have to admire a poet who takes a permanent marker to the restroom with him.

In his great (and shortest) book, The Bridges of Toko-Ri, author James Michener wrote of a US Navy LSO who was known as Beer Barrel. He wrote of Beer Barrel that when he got drunk, he didn't know whether to claim that Texas had the biggest midgets or the smallest midgets. He's probably still on the horns of that dilemma, While I didn't find the movie as good as the book, the movie did have Grace Kelly in it. She didn't have the role of Beer Barrel.

When I worked for the Waffle House in Tampa, I dreaded the tourist season as it brought a flood of loud, rude blowhards from New York. Maybe Trump was in one night and I have forgotten. Grace, a waitress, told a guy one night "You don't have to be rude." He responded, "I'm not rude, I am from New York." There's everything that you need to know. Maybe it was Trump?

In 1971 we had a waitress who had moved to Tampa from New York City a few months earlier. One Sunday morning Fran and her family came into the Waffle House for breakfast. They lived a couple of blocks away from the restaurant. They appeared to all be dressed up, so I asked, "Are you on the way to church?" She said, "No, we are going into the city." I just looked at her and said, "Bad news, you are in the city." I had to break it to her that there was nothing going on in downtown Tampa on a Sunday in 1971 other than a few churches. They went anyway and I spent the next week listening to her complain about the size of the city. One day I just told her, "Honey, this ain't New York!" I guessed that she finally adapted!

If Trump wins in November, there will be a rash of resignations in the New York judicial system. I would expect Trump to appoint an Attorney General who would take a strong interest in how New York dispenses justice.

I am trying to get a permit to sell ammo at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago in August. I have already lined up a fleet of semis to haul it all out there. I am looking forward to hearing Neil Diamond sing "Hot August Night" as the fires burn in downtown Chi-Town. A friend has the bulletproof vest concession. The city kept the gas mask concession for themselves. I wonder what they know?

How many highways will protesters be blocking in Chicago in August? Will protesters sky dive from the old Sears tower in protest? Will they use the illegals living at O'Hare as a welcoming committee for those delegates arriving by air?  Or are they going to send all of the illegals out to the suburbs for the week? Will there be a remake of the old Chicago Seven trial? Will the Democratic National Committee award an honorary "Commissar" commission to Mayor Brain Dead Brandon Johnson? After the whole thing is over, will they hire Lori Lightfoot to investigate how it all happened?

The Republicans are meeting in Milwaukee this year. Milwaukee is the city with the most frozen custard places. That's the only thing worth going for as far as I am concerned. If you are in Milwaukee during the Democrat convention in Chicago, you may be able to see the flames in downtown Chicago. But I am not a delegate at the RNC. Yes, I realize that you are surprised. I was disqualified after someone in the party read this blog. Sorry, Jr.