Seven Words??

 Fifty years ago at the Waffle House on Dale Mabry in Tampa, I was talking to one of our early morning breakfast regulars. I think that his name was Jack, but more than 18,000 days after that conversation I am not really sure. But his name doesn't really matter for my purposes. 

"Jack" was in the billboard business or as they preferred to call it, "outdoor advertising". I was talking to Jack and asked him, "You seem to be pretty successful in the billboard business. To what do you attribute your success?" He looked at me and replied, "Seven fucking words." Even I was a little stunned, so I responded, "Excuse me?" He repeated himself, "Seven fucking words". 

I was still a little surprised, so I asked him to explain his statement. He then explained that in his experience, successful outdoor advertising messages were seven words or less. He explained that studies had been done confirming this. He related his personal experience was that seven words was about the maximum that anyone would read and remember as they went by the signs. So, in selling billboards, he tried to make sure that the messages were seven words or less. 

I asked him what kind or research that he had done to gather this information. He laughed and explained that he and his wife were regulars at all kinds of business cocktail gatherings or dinners. He said that at every event he would talk to people and would almost always ask "What was the last billboard that you read and what did it say?" He said that after a few months, people at dinners and parties would either avoid him or come up and tell him about the last billboard that they read before he could even ask. He said that once in a while, someone would stop his wife in the grocery store and tell her about their last billboard. 

What does all of this have to do with the world today? A lot of full-service restaurants used to have chalkboards where they posted their specials. Most places have gone to dry-erase boards for their specials now. I think that the employees probably tried to smoke the chalk, so they switched to dry-erase markers. Now they huff the markers. But back to my story.

The problem now is that no one understands the "seven F***ing words" rule. I have seen boards that looked like a Dostoevsky novel. No one is going to read a novel on the way to a seat for dinner. I just wanted to vent about this after seeing one of these novellas the other day. I stopped counting at twenty words. 

In my years at Tex & Shirley's, I tried to make sure that we changed the board for each meal period. I regularly reminded everyone involved about the "seven words" rule. Some days I would stop in when I was not working and check the sign. One night I stood in front of a novel and snored to get a manager's attention. Then I reminded them of the seven-word rule. 

Last year, my older son called me one afternoon. I asked why he was calling. He told me that on his way home from work, he saw a new billboard near New Bern that read, "Your Seven Words Here. Call 333-333-3333". I laughed and said, "Did you think that I was making that up?" It is always great when your kids call you to tell you that you were right!! Thanks, Jack.

Laugh now, but you will be counting words on billboards pretty soon.