Friday Short Shots

 Let's stop calling Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski, Republicans.

Jamie Raskin is some kind of jack-in-the-box spokesman for the lunatic, leftist wing that has control of the Democratic Party.

If Lyndon B. Johnson gets a weekend pass from Hell and comes back to Washington, there's going to be some ass-kicking in the Democratic Party. The only question will be whose ass he is going to kick first. I have narrowed the winners down to either Adam Schiff or Jamie Raskin. 

I last heard from LBJ after the Democratic convention when he e-mailed me and said, "Hubert Humphrey looks like Rambo next to Tim Walz." After I pointed out that Tim Walz was the nominee for Vice -President, LBJ wrote, "Are you telling me that they are running that dim-witted, fake black broad for President?" I replied in the affirmative, but didn't hear from LBJ again until today. I guess that he just couldn't find the words.

Stacey Abrams is obviously channeling the spirit of some kind of political Porky Pig. Pardon me, Petunia Pig.

I am not a betting man, but if I were, I would bet that Trump aide Stephen Miller has never taken a Xanax.

Some male moron on MSNBC described the IRS as "hyper efficient". Someone needs to get word to this idiot to call me immediately. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't catch his name. I can't believe that anyone that stupid doesn't work for the government. Of course, he is at MSNBC, they all did work parttime for the Biden administration

I think that the idea of giving taxpayers a DOGE dividend of $5,000 is insane. Yes, I am an equal opportunity complainer. We need to use any DOGE found money on reducing our national debt. Biden sent out those checks in 2021 that sent inflation through the roof. Inflation happens when we have too much money chasing too few products. Give Americans $5,000 each and eggs will be $50 a dozen before the weekend.

As long as I am pissing off some Republicans, how about those people screaming about how bad Putin is and why we should not do anything with him. I heard Trey Gowdy describe Putin as a "war criminal". The good news is that Putin doesn't use the same barber that Trey does. Trey's hairstyle is straight out of the "Little Rascals". I didn't even know anybody in high school with that bad a haircut.

While political leaders of both political parties rant about Putin, they ignore our own history. Eighty years ago, we were allies with Joseph Stalin. I have often heard people talk about what a fun-loving party animal that Stalin was in his day. Meanwhile, Zelensky banned elections until the war is over. Both countries are operating under martial law. What makes Putin worse than Zelensky?

New York Governor Kathy "They stretched my face too far" Hochul claims that New York hasn't had a king in 250 years. As many drag queens as they have, there's no room for kings. Hochul can't smile without splitting a seam. It's about time for Pam Bondi to launch an investigation of the New York judicial system. Maybe Pam can help Hochul with a suit against her plastic surgeon.

If Letitia James gets sued by Pam Bondi, you can bet Letitia won't be sitting in the courtroom with her shoes off like she was in the Trump trial. 

Liberal federal judges are busy making the case to end that lifetime employment bullshit. I no longer support the idea of ten-year terms for federal judges. I think that we need to go to five-year terms with a limit of one. 

The talk of an Obama divorce keeps growing. My only question is: Does anyone really care? Will Big Mike be the first transexual to run for President? Or is he/she/they/we going back to the NFL as a linebacker?

Jasmine Crockett, because shit really is everywhere. The only current coherent Democrat is more of a Communist than Kameltoe. If this is the best the Democrats have, JD Vance might want to go ahead and measure the drapes at the White House.

Kamala Harris signed a deal with CAA, the same talent agency as Joe Biden. They also represent the Obama's film and television production company. I didn't realize that the market for circus clowns was so lucrative.

It's going to be a hot spring in Washington, DC with Kash Patel kicking asses at the FBI headquarters. (Author's note: The computer flagged "asses" and suggested that I change it to "assess". So much for AI!)  Maybe they will even go back to fighting crime instead of conservatives. I still think that they need to burn the headquarters building to the ground and start all over. I hate to admit it, but I periodically miss J. Edgar Hoover or Mary Hoover, whichever name he uses now. I can't remember which name to use. Who knew that Hoover was on the cutting edge of the pronoun thing?

I am seventy-one years old, and I have never heard anyone say, "I wish my staff was as efficient as those government workers."

Leading Democrats are making speeches and saying things far worse than what Donald Trump said on January 6. They are threatening Trump and other government officials. They had Jack Shit investigate Trump and search his home. Let's give Schumer, Raskin and Schiff that same treatment. I wouldn't want to be the FBI agent searching Mrs. Schiff's underwear drawer.  Are we going to prosecute them and jail them for their words?

While we are at it, it's time to call Dr. "Toupee Tony" Fauci in for some questions now that he has been pardoned and can't plead the Fifth. Are you reading this, Rand Paul??

Finally, on a pound-by-pound basis, JB Pritzker may be the dumbest Democrat in the country. He's such a mental midget that I would rather hear from AOC. As far as I can tell, Pritzker is the Democrat's Chris Christie. Hey! Hey! Hey! When he leaves the government, he can do Dunkin commercials.

Americans went to a fight last night in Boston and a hockey game broke out. The Governor of our 51st state is celebrating today. What does Little Fidel Trudeau know about sports? He thought the Green Bay Packers were a group of gay guys.

Mercifully, here comes the Dawn. Yeah, there's some dishes to wash.

There's No Business Like Snow Business?

 It's snowing in Piedmont North Carolina today. It snowed yesterday afternoon as well. We got about a whopping one inch of snow at my house. It didn't even completely cover the grass in the front yard. While we got snow, those to the east of us received the dreaded ice storm.

Civilization shuts down when it snows in North Carolina. The weather idiots on local television are breathlessly telling you not to go outside less you get stricken down by the snow gods. The only acceptable activity is to sit in front of the television while the "meteorologists" practice some kind of Vulcan mind melds on viewers. If they can keep you in front of the television set, you won't get hurt in some kind of snow related activity. Of course, the real risk is that your brain will turn to mush in front of the television set.

I ran Tex & Shirley's Family Restaurant in Greensboro for twenty-one years. The number of days that we closed for snow can be counted on one hand. On most snow days, we would open at 6:00 AM and then close in the early afternoon. There was no need to be open in the evening, the Carolina natives were hunkered down at home. 

Most of the employees could find a way to work in the morning. If not, a couple of us would go out and pick up employees and bring them to work. They stopped making them, but the Dodge Caravan was the best vehicle for hauling employees on snow days. The Caravan handled well in the snow, and you could carry several employees. I was always amazed that most of the people who I picked up in the morning found another way home when they got off from work in the afternoon. 

Today in America, most cars are front wheel drive. Half of the vehicles sold are SUVs with 4-wheel drive. Yet on snow days, people claim that they can't get to work. Conditioned by a public education system that doesn't educate kids in cold, hot, or wet weather, they believe that the world stops revolving at the first sighting of a snowflake. 

The waitstaff liked snow days. It was usually pretty busy, and people tipped better to show their appreciation for us being open for business. Other employees were just happy that they wouldn't miss a day's pay.

 My kids went to a private school. Apparently, there is some kind of magic in private schools that enables them to open when snow is in the air. The boys knew that they were either going to school or going to work at the restaurant. Yesterday might have been the first snow day that I didn't work in years.

So, where is all of this going? Yesterday, the replacement Tex & Shirley's announced that they would be closed because of the snow forecast. I had one phone call and four e-mails telling me about this event. No one thought that it was a good idea. The owner said that the staff was scattered over the Triad area, and they couldn't get to work and back home safely. I can only surmise that none of them drive front wheel drive or four-wheel drive cars.  My best guess is that nobody really wanted to work. 

Whether it snows or not, the rent must be paid. The electric bill, the insurance, the maintenance and repair bills and other costs march on whether it snows or not. The work ethic that made this the greatest country on earth is in peril. It wasn't a good day for the future of America. Just for the record, the Russians are famous for fighting wars in the snow.

What's the moral of the story? Be nice to people working when you aren't, especially if you are taking a snow day and they aren't. Be thankful that someone was ambitious enough to find their way to work regardless of what the weather idiots were saying. My alma mater, the Waffle House, is always open! If the Waffle House closes, you better be hunkered down somewhere safe. 

Budget Cutting for Beginners

 It's obvious to anyone without a (D) behind their name that we have to cut the federal budget. Most of those folks are more worried about having to cut the spending for their favorite program spending than they are worried about paying our bills. They are more worried that we won't be able to furnish drag queen shows for other countries than they are about loading up the taxpayers with debt.

Balancing your budget as a nation really isn't much different than balancing your budget at home. Democrats in Congress keep telling us that they can do this but can't explain why they haven't done it yet. Hell, they can't even explain how a bill they called the Inflation Reduction Act increased spending, drove up the deficit and didn't reduce inflation. 

Here's a simple idea to understand. If a guy drives his car through a garage door, destroys the cars inside and ends up with his car in the laundry room, he is not the guy who gets to drive the car out of the garage. To get the car out, you have to understand how the car got in there in the first place.

I think that we need to put some bankruptcy attorneys and bankruptcy judges in the Office of Management and Budget to oversee what is happening there. Have them look at every expense of the federal government.

Do you ever go through your credit card bill or your bank statement at home and wonder, "What the hell was that for?" Multiply that times about 200 million and you have the situation that we are facing today. Just like your kid doesn't need a $300 baseball bat and a $200 glove, we don't need to export expensive demonstrations of depraved behavior to foreign countries. Let's not let the world know that we are both financially and morally bankrupt!

At some point in life parents have to cut the apron strings to their kids. It's okay to help them out if times are tough, but we don't need to send them on a Caribbean cruise when they lose their job. There is probably not enough magic at Disney's Magic Kingdom to get the kids back to work.

How can we get the public involved? First, write every Congressional bill in SIMPLE English. We need to tell Americans what we are spending their tax money on. The whole "black budget" bullshit is history. If Congress can't tell us what they are spending it on, they shouldn't spend it. Our enemies know more about what we are spending our money on than our own citizens know. It is time to end this practice. If you don't think that the Chinese know more about what our government spends than the American public does, remember that they make most of our computers and smart phones. No chance of anything there being compromised, is there? We aren't keeping secrets from other countries. Our politicians are keeping secrets from the American people.

If you think that the black hole of secret spending on the "black budget" is a good idea, try it with your wife and family.  Tell the little woman that you are going to spend about 25% of your income on stuff that you aren't going to tell her about. Before doing this, take out enough cash to retain that divorce attorney that you will need. You probably want to buy a cot to sleep on as well.

Finally, quit telling us that we can't afford to cut the budget. What we need to do is simple. We need to invoke Jones' Rule of Circumcision. Jones' Rule of Circumcision says that you can cut 10% off of anything and it will still work. A few years of that kind of budgeting and we will be on the road to economic security.

Fraud, Waste and Greed, Oh My!!

 Why do we have 60 million more Social Security accounts than we have living residents? 

North Carolina Attorney General Jeff Jackson has cooperated with other states in suing the Trump Administration about several things. Memo to Jerk Off Jeff Jackson: Trump carried North Carolina in the presidential election. Despite there being several Presidential candidates on the North Carolina ballot, he received more votes than you did. How much North Carolina tax money have you spent on these lawsuits? Either stop suing Trump or pay for it out of your own pocket!!

Democrats claim that Congress can find and fix all of the fraud, waste and corruption in the federal government. If this is true, why haven't they done that already? What are they waiting for? Did they know about all of this fraud and do nothing about it? We need to sue Congress for malpractice. The group of Democrats in the House is the biggest circle jerk in history.

In my lifetime, the Republicans have controlled the House of Representatives for 26 years and the Dims controlled it for 46 years. The story over in the Senate is similar with Republicans controlling for 28 years and the Dims for 44 years. The Dims have controlled the Congress for more than 60% of the last seventy-two years but now claim that they are not responsible for anything that happened. How does that work? Is anybody in government responsible for anything??

The same people who claim that there is no waste in government also told us that "Joe Biden is as sharp as a tack". I won't bother mentioning those who raved about Kameltoe Harris. 

Are all politicians hiding a "Born to Bullshit" tattoo somewhere?

There's an alleged news website called "Raw Story". I can only surmise that "Outrageous Lies" was already taken as a name.

How long before Joe Biden resurfaces in the news? In Las Vegas they are taking bets on which network will run his obituary first. The smart money is betting that CNN or MSNBC will be declared dead before Biden is.

I gave up flying on commercial flights about twenty-three years ago. I am unwilling to be denuded of my dignity to get packed into a human sardine can and shot into the air. Yesterday, a Delta Regional Jet flipped over upon landing at Toronto airport. Winds were high, the runway was icy. There were eight people injured. I am guessing that most of those were among the people who unbuckle their seatbelts and stand the instant the plane touches down. Hopefully, everything will be okay with them. Just another reason for me not to fly. The good news is that Dims can't blame Trump for this accident. But the Democratic operatives in the news media will try anyway.

Sunday's NBA All-Star game was just another reason to eliminate "All-Star" games in professional sports. The only thing driving All-Star games in sports is greed. Give it up! Pack it in! Put that dog down! Use any phrase that you want, just end it! They won't just give up on the game. They keep adding other events in an effort to justify the expensive tickets for a lackluster show. 

In three weeks, we have seen the NFL Pro Bowl, the Stupor Bowl and the NBA All-Star Game. Can we at least take this crap off of television? Before you waste your breath telling me what a great game the Super Bowl was, I will remind you that the Eagles were up 34-0 before they pulled the starters and let the bench boys play a quarter. The Chiefs still lost!!

Monday Morning Musings

 On the news this morning, I learned that Saturday Night Live celebrated their fiftieth anniversary with a special episode last night. So, Saturday Night Live celebrated their anniversary with a Sunday night episode?  I have never watched an episode of SNL and last night didn't change my record. If I want to get my intelligence insulted, CNN is on 24/7. That would be easier than staying up late on Saturday night.

When I was growing up long ago and far away in a place called Tampa, Shock Theater with Dr. Paul Beare was on at 11:30 PM on Friday nights. I tried several times to stay up late and watch it. I never saw an episode of that, either. By the way, it was Tampa, not Tampa Bay. Tampa Bay is a body of water. Tampa is the largest city in the Bay area.

Democrats are continuing their "We don't know whether to shit or go blind." campaign. It's quite a treat to watch Democrats advocating for governmental waste and corruption. They want to keep government workers who aren't actually working on the payroll. Trump needs to put RFK Jr. on the drive to develop a Trump Derangement Syndrome vaccine to help the Democrats regain some show of sanity. RFK could help save the lives of those former friends and relatives of his with this vaccine.

Democrats are also complaining that Trump is moving too fast to stop the war in the Ukraine. The loony libs are all into process, not results.

What liberals fail to acknowledge is that Biden couldn't do anything because he was brain dead. Heard from him lately? Hell, he went into hiding the day after Election Day. He didn't even turn up on Groundhog Day.

The House Republicans need to start impeachment proceedings against these federal district judges who are issuing these injunctions against Trump's actions to reduce the size of government. It's time to end stupid decisions, lifetime employment and pensions for federal judges. It's time to go to a ten-year term, no pension plan for federal judges. They aren't getting wiser with age.

Liberals are claiming that the Trump Administration is giving NYC Mayor Eric Adams a deal to drop the charges against him. We can resolve this issue with Pam Bondi leading an investigation of the New York governor, Attorney General and Justice Department. Let's find out if they worked with the Biden Administration to charge Trump and later Adams. Inquiring minds (there are none on television) want to know.

Trump showed up at the Daytona 500 yesterday just to piss off Democrats, if you believe the news media morons. I heard some schmuck on the news complaining about how much it cost to have Air Force One fly over the racetrack. I guess that if Trump had packed about a hundred illegals into the cargo compartment of Air Force One, it would have shut the liberals up.

Trump can end these complaints about Air Force One by having Greyhound build a fleet of gold-plated busses to transport the President for these shorter trips. Reporters will have to ride in the back of these busses.

NASCAR needs to go back to racing actual cars. All of the cars are identical with labels that claim Camaro, Mustang or Camry. Other than the name, these cars have exactly nothing in common with the actual cars bearing those names. There are no parts on a "stock car" that are actually on a production automobile.

Back in the Stone Age or the 1960's, you pick, manufacturers had to sell a certain number (500?) of a car model before they could race them. Look up "Plymouth Superbird" for more info. The Superbirds were banned by NACAR for being too fast. They were the first NASCAR racers to do 200 MPH. In the interest of "Full Disclosure", I have a MOPAR bias. You can also look up "Ford Talladega" to see a comparable Ford. 

Stupor Sunday + 7

 Kid Rock announced that he is going to do a gospel album. I'm not waiting by the phone for him to call and offer me a spot in it.

Were all of the people who have access to the Treasury Department payments system required to get Senate approval? Asking for a friend.

How do Representatives and Senators become millionaires making $174,000 a year in a place as expensive to live as Washington, DC? They must have one hell of a bonus plan. Elon needs to ask for details.

Let's have the IRS audit every Senator and Representative in the Congress. We have the staff since Biden hired 80,000 new agents. I want to know how Bernie Sanders can afford three homes. How can Elizabeth Warren be worth $20 million?  Let's take a look at Maxine Waters' $6 million home in Los Angeles. Of course, in Los Angeles that could be a three-bedroom doublewide. How about an audit of AOC? I have never known a bartender who reported all of their income. I am only 71, so there's still a chance left that I could meet one who did.

Before you think that I am not being fair criticizing Congress, I offer two words, Robert Menendez. If you think that he was the only one taking bribes, there's still time for you to buy that oceanfront home that I am selling in Nebraska. Call me!!

Mitch McConnell isn't falling because he is old. He falls because Menendez shoved some payoff-sized gold bars into Mitch's pockets, and now he can't maintain his balance with all that swinging weight. Now of course, all of that weight is killing the guy pushing McConnell in his getaway wheelchair.

Mitch McConnell said that he didn't vote for RFK Jr. because of things that RFK had said about vaccines. He can't actually remember what RFK said, but he's pretty sure that he didn't like it. 

Before the Stupor Bowl last Sunday, I had never heard of Drake or Kendrick Lamar. I have never listened to any of their alleged "music" and can assure you that I never will. The "news reports" of the last few days make it sound like there is about to be some kind of gang warfare between the two clowns and their fans/followers/disciples/morons. I can't believe that anyone even cares. Is there really this big of a news shortage after the Stupor Bowl? 

I really don't understand "rap" music. If you are willing to pay big money to have someone cuss loudly at you, call me. Word to your mother. The New Vanilla Ice?

Last year, the budget for the Department of Agriculture was $213.2 billion. Trying to stop a bird flu, they killed about one hundred million hens. Billions of dollars later, the bird flu is still here, we are short 100 million hens and eggs are around $8 a dozen. Who the hell is running the USDA, Dr. Fauci? Is there any intelligent life in Washington? When the bulldozers finish over at the FBI headquarters, send them over to the USDA buildings. 

It's hard to believe that TikTok could be a bigger threat to the nation than Facebook, but I don't really know or care. I heard that Trump told Putin that if he didn't work out a peace deal with Ukraine, he was going to talk trash about him on TikTok. I can't wait to see the video of Trump trashing Putin. Then he can reuse that video for Chuck Schumer. Schumer's more of a Communist than Putin.

Earlier in our country's history, one of the major political parties was the Whigs. They were founded in 1833 by Henry Clay. They disbanded in 1856. Truth in Advertising laws are causing the Democratic Party to rename itself. Rename is too simple for Dems, they are "rebranding". They are the new "Whig" Party. That's Waste, Hate, Incompetence, Greed. Sorry, that's the best that I can do on a Sunday.

In my search for intelligent life in Washington, I have taken Democratic rallies off the list of places to check. The worst effort at an insult at one rally the other day came when some alleged female said, "You can't spell 'felon' without 'Elon". Just for the record, all of those folks have a (D) behind their names. You can't spell Dickhead, Douche bag, Derelict or Dumbass without a "D"!

The Age of Rage for Dims

 You can't look at the news without hearing from some half-wit Democrat about what Trump has destroyed today. Let's review some of these rants.

Liberals scream that illegal immigrants "are not criminals".  Au contraire, mon ami! It is a violation of United States law to enter the nation illegally. People who violate laws are criminals. So, if you violate the law by entering illegally, you are a criminal. Buy a dictionary! Then study that same book.

State and local governments CANNOT decide that federal laws do not apply in their states or cities. If any of you leftist schmucks would take up the time to pick up a history book, you would find that we settled this issue of the supremacy of federal laws by fighting the War Between States.

The federal government cannot require that you help them enforce immigration laws. But neither can you obstruct them from enforcing federal laws. Sanctuary cities and states are a myth. The federal government can go where the criminals are. States and cities cannot demand that the federal government fund them as they shelter illegals (aka criminals). Yeah, it works both ways!

Donald Trump won the election for President in 2024. If you live in the United States, he's your President. If you don't agree with this, shut up or pack up and move. 

Peter, Paul and Mary are no longer able to sing at protests. Only Paul is still alive. Find yourselves another folk group to use at protests or pack it in. Those clowns who think that can are tugging the nation's heartstrings by singing at your protests are actually building the barf-bag business.

I keep hearing a bunch of leftists tell the world that they are ready "to fight". Just a gentle reminder that the folks who you want to fight are the ones with the guns. You might want to give this one a little more thought.

You need to take another look at the positions that you are taking on Donald Trump. More people supported Trump than supported your candidate. So, quit ridiculing 78 million Americans who voted for Trump. Does "majority rule" only apply when your side wins?

Let me break it to you gently, you are in the minority. It's not your Presidency to run! Federal spending, waste and fraud are the stuff of legends. There is no one with more than a room temperature IQ who doesn't know that the government wastes billions of dollars a day. Stop trying to justify fraud, waste, corruption and incompetence. This is not the image that will win the hearts and minds of taxpaying Americans. Many of those same Americans think that "federal employee" is an alternative spelling of "incompetent".  

You sat quietly while the country was run by a group of anonymous liberals who had a senile old fart that they used as a hand puppet. Joe Biden pretending to be the President was the biggest fraud in our nation's history. Are you sure that you want to complain about Trump??

Hitching your star to illegal immigrants and transgenderism is not a winning strategy. Read the frigging room!! I'm sorry, but your world died on November 5. Find some new causes.

Here's a quick thought for leftists to consider: Your actions are proving that Donald Trump is right.