Monday, November 23, 2009

Kay Hagan vs. "The fetching Mrs. Loman"

I walked into the dining room at the restaurant this morning and damn near died. There was a group of eight seated and in the group was U.S. Senator Kay Hagan. In a rare show of control, I walked back to the office to decide what to do. I had already been advised by one customer to treat her just like I would treat the President if he walked into the restaurant. Frankly, I didn't think that telling her to go to the back door to pick up a bag of sandwiches was a good idea. So I ignored that suggestion.

I called my wife, my Scoutmaster Rick Loman, and my only friend Ken Blitchington, for their advice on this problem. I knew what I wanted to ask her, but I wasn't quite sure how to address her. Do I say Mrs. Hagan, Madame Senator, Senator Mrs. Hagan, or the old standby, Bitch. I'm only kidding, Kay.

I wanted to say something like, "Pardon me, but I thought that I might query you as to why you voted to support a bill that will destroy our economy, raise our taxes, lower the quality of medical care, and send unemployment skyrocketing?" If that wasn't good for her, I had my fallback question concerning her husband's activities that I discussed here last week. "Excuse me Senator, but what is your position on your husband suing the Water Authority because of alleged problems he is having with his decrepit hydroelectric power plant that I could piss a strong enough stream to operate? Also, how about that favorable ruling that he received from a state judge whom you had recommended for a federal judgeship a mere nine days earlier?"

In the end, I took my mother's advice,"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." It's only the second time in my life that I have taken that advice. I stayed in the back of the restaurant until the senator's party departed.

When I checked my e-mail this evening, there was a message from Scoutmaster Rick. He had emailed his wife about my dilemma concerning which question to ask Senator Hagan. If the situation occurs again, I'm taking the advice of "the fetching Mrs. Loman." Here's their emails.

Following is the text of what "The Fetching Mrs. Loman" had to say about possible responses when Sen. Hagan chooses to dine at your fine establishment in the future. Obviously she's better at these things than I am.

Personally, I would have liked to see the look on Kay Hagan's face when Gil walked up and asked her that question. But I think I would have lined up my staff in front of her and asked which of the employees should he fire since he's not going to be able to keep them all if health care gets passed. Or he could have doubled her bill and told her that's what her breakfast special is going to cost in the future when he has to increase cost to cover additional personnel expenses.

Thanks, Vickie. Next time, I will call you to start with.


At 8:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

After you call Vickie, PLEASE call "the Andrews sisters" because we want to watch!

btw, e-mails to Hagan are useless. No matter what the e-mail topic is, all you'll get is the SAME form e-mail that never addresses your question.


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