Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Halloween? Bah, humbug!!

Halloween was Saturday and we survived another stupid holiday.

What is it we celebrate on Halloween anyway? Is it the end of the pumpkin harvest season?? Is it the revenge of the Salem witch trials crowd?? Is it Linus waiting in the field for the Great Pumpkin?? Is the chance to set a bag of dog shit on fire at some one's door?

How has Halloween become such a big deal? I don't know. If you have thoughts on this, don't bother contacting me, I'm not really that interested.

Years ago in Florida, I worked for a company run by a group of gay guys. Halloween was like a national holiday for those guys. They spent weeks before Halloween planning for the big day and then weeks afterwards discussing it. I don't know what they did and I'm pretty sure that I don't want to know. Suffice it to say, they didn't bring bags of candy to work.

I think that we may be able to trace the beginnings of the welfare system to Halloween. We send our kids out begging for candy door-to-door. Why work? Let's just ask the neighbors to feed the little bastards for us.

I guess that the scariest thing is that Halloween has become more of an adult holiday and has left the kids behind. There was a "Halloween and More" store near the restaurant that was open for several weeks before the big day. I didn't see many kids going in there. Yes, in the midst of a recession, folks are squandering money on Halloween costumes.

Rather than have you think that I am a complete Scrooge, let's look at the bright side of Halloween. Gays can dress up as whatever they desire, kids are on a sugar high and filled with energy, costume shops benefit financially, some schmuck who has based his entire business on Halloween can make a living, candy sales boost the economy, and pumpkin farmers can plant again for next year.

There are a couple of positives for Halloween. First, candy is really cheap the day after Halloween. Second, I saw a couple of women in sexy witch costumes that didn't look anything like the girls who dressed up as witches years ago. WOW!!

I will close with a totally tasteless Halloween joke. Why do witches shave their pubic hair? To get a better grip on their brooms.


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