Friday, October 19, 2007

BS Backlog

Hillary Clinton wants to give every child born in the United States a $5000 bond that they can later use for college or a down payment on a home. Evidently, Hillary is not familiar with the idea that any activity you reward, you reinforce. Hillary's program will spark an economic boom unseen in recent years as hospitals strain to build delivery rooms. We won't be able to train doctors fast enough to cope with the demand for obstetricians. It will by accompanied by a wave of absenteeism as employees stay home to try and make five grand. The only way to pay for this program will be to bring back the bastardy tax.

With North Carolina in the throes of the worst drought in more than 50 years, it was revealed today that both Duke University and UNC-Chapel Hill are watering their field hockey fields. They both report that the International Hockey Federation requires this before practices and games. I guess that the fact that it is artificial turf has no bearing on the matter.

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light when some guy on the corner started pretending that he was throwing a football. I considered pulling out my gun and pretending that I was shooting but I didn't have time for all the fuss sure to result. I have seen lots of guys jogging or walking who are pretending to box or shoot basketballs, but I have never seen a guy pretending to write or read or even work.

I have a guy at work who must have the worst case of ED known to man. This guy can't even stand up straight. He's always leaning on something or flopping on a counter or sitting down. He can't get up, much less get it up.

If cell phones really cause brain cancer, we will soon be missing a generation. It doesn't matter, they weren't doing anything but talking on the phone anyway. If you believe in evolution, people will soon be born with phones hanging from their ears. Have you ever heard a cell phone conversation with any real meaning? They have dropped below the level of banality. A typical cell conversation goes like this-
"What up? Yeh. That's what I'm talking about. I feel you. I can smell you. Yo. Later."
Billions a year for this??

There is a Cricket phone store near the restaurant that I walk by on the way to the Post Office. They employee off-duty police officers to work there at a cost of $25-$30 an hour. I can't decide if that is a reflection on their customers or on what they charge.

Al Gore, Nobel Peace Prize. I guess that Saddam Hussein was ineligible.


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