Larry Craig, Loser

Larry Craig, to resign or not to resign? It didn't take Larry this long to decide whether or not to plead guilty to disorderly conduct. Why take time now to decide?

That Minneapolis airport must be a pretty dull place. Let's face it, when you assign cops to watch for guys tapping their toes in the men's room, life's pretty dull. I keep wondering about all those guys who don't realize that this is supposed to be some kind of gay mating call. What about some poor old fart listening to Mel Torme on his Walkman? A disorderly conduct charge for tapping your shoe and touching a partition is pretty Stalinistic. If you tap both shoes, are you deported or executed??

The most ridiculous accusation is that placing your luggage by the stall door is another sign that you are looking for a little gay action. Where else are you going to put a suitcase? In your lap? How about on the side of the toilet where everyone with bad aim leaves urine samples? How about hoisting it up and placing it on the coat hook? People bring their luggage into the stall so it won't be stolen. Of course, they don't realize that the cops consider them to be potential criminals for doing this. In addition, the luggage inspection Nazis always ask if your luggage has been out of your sight at any time. You guys in law enforcement are going to have to decide, "Do we bust them for leaving luggage unattended or for taking it into the stall with them?" Give us something to work with on this.

Back to Larry the Loser. Larry may be gay, he may have been looking for something in the airport restroom, I don't know and I don't really care. He does need a better defense than "I've got a wide stance." Where are all the civil liberties advocates today? A guy gets busted for tapping his toes in the restroom and nobody thinks that it is a little extreme. Is there a provision in the Patriot Act about toe-tapping? I mean, it pretty well outlawed everything else. Things are so bad, a public fart is a national security issue.

Why are other senators calling on Craig to resign? Isn't anyone a bit curious about why with crime as it is, our biggest threat in Minneapolis is bathroom blowjobs between consenting perverts? If he's gay, do you think that he's the only one in the Senate? If he were a Democrat, they would give him a chairmanship of something. He would be considered an elder statesman. Look around!! Ted Kennedy, drunk driver and perjurer, who left Mary Jo Kopechne to die to save his career, is still in the Senate, but toe-tapping, stall-wall-rubbing, luggage-placing Larry Craig has to resign? Are they insane? YES!