Monday Memos

To the FCC:
KUNT-TV in Hawaii is starting a consumer advocate segment on the KUNT Action News at 6:00. It is tentatively called KUNT on your side. It DOES NOT involve Janet Jackson's breasts. Check it out anyway.

To "Rock" on Hell's Kitchen:
The finale is here, you're screwed. You either gain fame as the chef who beat the nanny, or the chef who lost to the nanny. Pack it in!

To FOX and the producers of Hell's Kitchen:
Sorry, boys. Chef Ramsay needs work on his profanity. Take it from an expert, he lacks creativity. Anyone can drop the F-bomb 60 times in 50 minutes, how about a little variety? As badly as that group of alleged chefs have screwed up, the profanity potential is almost unlimited.

To American Voters:
Twenty years of Bush or Clinton, let's give another family a chance. 300 million people and this is all we have to pick from for leaders?

To Major League Baseball:
It's amazing, you can't drug a racehorse in the Kentucky Derby, but outfielders in the World Series are OK. You guys are on the same credibility level as pro wrestling.

To the NFL (National Felons League):
The exhibition season is in full swing. The bail bondsmen are on standby, attorneys are on retainer, and spokesmen are ready to deny all. The only big question left is, does Vick get convicted before or after the playoffs?

To NASA:
I don't even know where to start. Love triangles, drunk shuttle driving, love triangles and diapers, sabotage, and tiles. How long before you guys figure out this whole shuttle tile story? Would you get on a passenger jet with the safety record of the space shuttle? You guys have blown the greatest heritage in aviation.