Thursday, September 20, 2007

Ponderable but probably pointless

Is O.J. Simpson really this frigging stupid?
Survey says.....................YES.
The Juice must want to play on the prison football team because he keeps trying to get there.

I keep seeing "Mean people suck" bumper stickers. Isn't it mean to tell people that they suck?

How about those "War is not the answer" bumper stickers? I guess that we could all have our dogs teach us to roll over and play dead. Sorry, I forgot the question.

Last of the bumper sticker shots. How about those "Visualize World Peace" stickers. Sorry folks, but if I'm taking a mental field trip to visualize anything, I'm trying to visualize a beach filled with naked women. Maybe THAT is World Peace.

Why don't psychics play and win lotteries? If I wake up tomorrow and find out that I can see the future, my ass is on the next plane to Vegas. This from a guy who hates to go to airports. And that started BEFORE Larry Craig made us aware of an airport's entertainment value.

Why don't we put a bunch of psychics on the federal payroll and see if things get better? Think about it. If they can really see the future, look at all the time and money we can save. I guess that they can't see anything of value or they would all be stockbrokers. All they can tell you is that your Aunt Ethel, who died 30 years ago, has finally made it to the other side and is calling you with the cookie recipe.

As you ride through the countryside, sometimes you will look up and on the side of a mountain or a water tower will be written "Christ is the answer". This is probably true, but how many of us know what the question is? More accurately, what the questions are.

A Jewish acquaintance always reminds me, "Jesus saves, Moses invests".

In Orem, Utah a seventy year old women was arrested and charged with failing to water her lawn and resisting arrest. I guess that there are no airport restrooms in Orem for the police to patrol. She has entered a plea of innocent to the July incident. She was "apprehended" by Officer Flygare of the police department's Neighborhood Preservation Unit. Barney Fife is alive and well in Utah!

The CIA has contracted with the head coach of the New England Patriots to help find Osama bin Laden. An unnamed CIA spokesman said, "He appears to know more about surveillance and winning than we do." The coach will receive no payment for his services, but will be allowed to get pictures from a spy satellite positioned over the Patriots home field.

Hillary Clinton continued to amaze me with her intellect and political savvy as she proposed a health plan to bankrupt the nation.

Thanks to Sally Field for completely destroying her Gidget, Flying Nun, even her Smokey and the Bandit image as she was bleeped off the Emmy Awards show with her anti-war tirade. Since I wasn't watching, I settled for the highlights on the news. I have hated her since Norma Rae. Under the old Fairness Doctrine, normal people would get equal time to respond to the Emmy Awards.


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