Chuck is Bi???

 Chuck "The Schmuck" Schumer has announced that he is now "bi". Not bisexual, as that announcement would have gay people around the world vomiting uncontrollably, but he is suddenly a champion of, brace yourself, "bipartisanship". Yeah, I can't believe it either. 

Before November 6, Chuck the Schmuck was everywhere telling us how he and his Dimocrat buddies in the Senate were going to remake the nation. He was going to overhaul the US Supreme Court and pass a law legalizing abortion. Chuck and his band of thieves, also known as Senate Dimocrats, were going to remake America in their image. WOW!! Like we don't have enough crooks to deal with in our daily lives anyway.

Sadly enough for Chuck, he woke up on Wednesday, November 7 to the sound of Maureen McGovern singing "There's got to be a morning after". Not only did the Dims lose the Senate, but they also lost the Presidency to some guy named Donald Trump. Chuck should have more attention to Trump when Trump spoke at the Al Smith Dinner in New York.

This week Chuck came out of the liberal closet with his message of bipartisanship. He told Republicans that they needed to work with the Dims in a bi-partisan effort. He warned them of the dangers not working with the other party. Chuck must have seen that vision when the national news showed that Republicans had at least 51 Senate seats in the new Senate. 

Chuck is a pretty high IQ guy. If he weren't a flaming liberal, he might be working for Trump in his new administration. If pigs had wings, they might be able to fly. 

I would like to offer Chuck a few pointers on how to be more bipartisan than where he currently sits. First, get a real pair of glasses. Quit hanging those Dollar Tree reading glasses on the very end of your nose. Whoever told you that was a good look must have been a Harris campaign strategist. Go to an actual ophthalmologist and get a comprehensive eye exam. Then get a real pair of glasses and wear them closer to your eyes than your nostrils. They are glasses, not a snorkel.

Beyond that, get in a twelve-step program for recovering assholes. Yes, you too can learn to get along with people outside of your political stratum. Take a trip to the South. Go to a Waffle House at 3:00 AM on a Saturday night. You will gain more knowledge of actual Americans in an hour than you have in the last few decades that you have spent in DC.

Stick to what you know. Pictures of you at a grill putting cheese on raw burgers don't exactly build your credibility with average Americans. Nobody who walks upright believes that you know your way around a grill. If you need some cooking lessons, feel free to call me. I wouldn't even charge you for the lessons, I would just settle for the fun of sharing the stories. 

Last, but certainly not least, give someone else the chance to lead. You don't have all of the answers, and it is starting to show. We have had enough of you and Mitch McConnell to last a lifetime. I don't believe that the Founding Fathers expected people to spend more than half their lives in the Senate. There is something that you can change, and Americans will support, term limits for Congress. Give it some thought Bi-Boy!