8/8/08

Yesterday was August 8. Apparently the Chinese had the Olympics start later than usual because they believe that 8 is a lucky number. It's not a lucky enough number to get me to watch that crap. I considered watching the women's beach volleyball competition but I got my fill of tattooed women at the Waffle House in the 1970's. That was before our current Age of Enlightenment and the only women with tattoos were freaks and/or lesbians.

Two developments yesterday must be linked to the number 8 or some phase of the moon. First, John "The Breck Girl" Edwards admitted that he had an affair with a WOMAN (I too, was taken aback) but did not father her child. Frankly, if I were a millionaire lawyer and former Senator and Vice-Presidential candidate, I would find a much prettier woman with whom to have an affair. I'm guessing that Edwards knew that Camilla Parker-Bowles was taken. Then, Clay Aiken announced that he had not had an affair with a woman but had fathered her child. Yes, I am also confused. The current story is that Mr. Aiken had supplied the sperm to have Ms. Jaymes Foster artificially inseminated. Yes, I have always longed to have a woman tell me that she wanted to have my child, but only if we didn't have sex to accomplish it. Frankly, I don't equate masturbating into a specimen cup with fathering a child. Hey! I am twentieth century kind of guy, what can I say?

After watching the Edwards and Aiken stories on television, I am reluctant to tell people that I am also fron North Carolina. Maybe, they will move to South Carolina. South Carolina, too small to be a country, too big to be an asylum.

The North Carolina Highway Patrol ran a bunch of DWI checkpoints last night. The idea was that since the legal limit for blood alcohol level is .08%, the 8/8/08 was a natural tie-in. I am organizing a group of disgruntled taxpayers to stake out donut shops on the 12th to see how many troopers stop in for a dozen donuts. The 12th, a "dozen" donuts, do you get the connection? I hate having to explain them.

In today's news, Bernie Mac, the alleged comedian, died of pneumonia complications. Conspiracy theorists are already in action as Mr. Mac's last public performance was opening for the Messiah, Barack Obama.