Saturday, July 16, 2011

Why shave??

Yesterday I went to Target to buy shaving supplies. No, not for the top of my head, they were for my face. My first complaint is about the cost of razor blades. I use a Gillette Fusion razor. A four pack of blades is $13.99. That's the cheap ones.Those aren't the Pro Glide or the Power Fusion blades, I use the low budget blades. That is $3.50 per blade. What are they making these things out of, meat?? And before anyone from Gillette writes, they don't last any longer than the old Sensor/Excel blades.

Why bother shaving?? Like most other normal men my age, I'm trying to please a woman. But I'm beating my head against the wall. Women are working on the negative reinforcement concept. You only hear from them when you don't shave. When did your wife last walk up and kiss you on the cheek and say those three words that we all long to hear, "Thanks for shaving!"

 I once dated a woman with skin so tender that I had to shave twice a day to keep from giving her beard burn. When we broke up, I gained three hours a week in free time because I didn't have to shave so much. Do you think that she ever thanked me for all that extra work? Of course not.

I have been shaving at least 6 days a week for the last 42 years. In all that time, no women has ever walked up to me, patted my face, and said "WOW! Great shave." Compare this to the number who walk up and ask, "Did you shave today?" I have had strangers do that.

Let's talk about aftershave. It burns, it stings, it gets in all of my cuts, and if it smells good, it is expensive. Years ago, I gradually reduced my usage of after shave until I had stopped using it. If I'm the only one who notices whether or not I am using it, I'm wasting  both my time and money. I have considered using after shave again, but after the pink shirt debacle, I don't know if after shave is worth the trouble. Besides that, I would probably get the wrong kind. I think that women mark their territory by buying men after shave and cologne.

So why do I keep shaving?? Last year I went FIVE days without shaving. It looked like it had snowed on my face. A fat, old white guy with a beard is in huge demand at Christmas. I don't want to keep getting those offers to play Santa. Thanks anyway!!


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