If the World ends today

According to Harold Camping, the Rapture will occur today. Do I have a bucket list?? No, but I do have a few loose ends to tie up. So here are a few random thoughts about the last 57 years.

Maybe I should have taken that last job offer.

To Jim, Harry, Robert, Darrell, Charlie, and Chuck at Bay Mexican Foods, everyone knew you guys were all gay. I was the only one with the nerve to talk to you about it.

If you are someone whom I have fired in the last 35 years, stop being angry, I have.

Grace, I should have fired you sooner.

Ed W., thanks for all of the advice. Some of it is starting to come in handy.

Jim L., I still wake up some nights with the urge to find you and kick your butt.

Anna, You were right. I should have given up plaid shirts years ago.

Several waitresses, Hey Girls! Maybe Mom never told you, but stop wearing black bras under white shirts.

Lots of women, Your breasts aren't that attractive. Try leaving a little to the imagination.

Duncan G., Did you ever sleep with Jeanette?

Erdy, You were a great girl. It's a shame that you were 4" taller than me.

P.A. Russo, You were the BEST teacher in my educational experience.

To the guys at Sysco Charlotte, Thanks for all those stays at the Grove Park Inn.

To the Sons of Confederate Veterans, it is 2011, write this down! The war is over!

Jeff, Walter, William, Bart, It took me this long to be the tall, skinny manager. Thanks!!

Mary, Thanks for dumping me. Life's been better.

Lacy, One day....

Joel, Thanks for the sarcasm pointers. Thank God, I didn't follow the hair advice.

Roland, Thanks for the letter!

To almost all of the women I dated, I'm sorry!

Vonda Kay, your parents knew as soon as they saw the air freshener hanging from the mirror.

Elaine, thanks for sharing your stories.

Bart, thanks for the job.

Rick, Ed, Gary, Alan, Thanks for the support.

John Brown, I'm taking the jam recipe with me.

John Taylor, Thanks for being the first to quit.

Charles, CBS cut out my comment about you. Yes, it was good.

Buffalo Church, I did enjoy cooking those dinners. Thanks for making me feel welcome.

Jesse, Good listener, thanks.

Barry, 28 years and you couldn't come 100 miles??

Mom, I love you!!

Walter, William, Sorry about that middle name thing. The guns are hidden in the..

Susan, Thanks for your love and patience. I won't mention the dog. Should I go in that pink shirt??