Friday, May 20, 2011

Hey Arnold!!!

Hey Arnold!! Could you have been just a little more stupid?? You had an affair with your housekeeper?? Did it cause any scheduling problems when your wife and housekeeper gave birth at about the same time?? I realize that things are a little different in California, but this may be past my tolerance level.

Don't worry about your acting career Arnold, it's over. What husband is going to suggest to his wife that they go to one of your movies? One mention of your name and the rant on infidelity begins. Women are saints, men are scum, I am sure that you have heard the story. If not, turn on any of those television talk shows.

Arnold, there is some hope for your acting career. Was your baby's mama carrying a video camera like John Edwards' friend? Maybe your future is in low budget adult films. I have already seen a couple of references to you as The Pervinator and The Sperminator. Act fast while there's still some interest.

Speaking of John Edwards, there's a guy with class. Running for President, wife dying of cancer, still squeezes in a little time for an affair with a nutcase. What would it have been like if he had won the election?? Can you picture that woman as the First Lady? She would have made Mary Todd Lincoln look good. We would have all been sitting here missing Bill and Hillary Clinton.

Arnold, what was the hurry to tell Maria about the child? I hear that the Rapture is happening on Saturday. If I were you, I would have waited a week just on the chance the world was going to end. I realize that it's a long shot, but it beats the heck out of telling your wife that you knocked up the housekeeper. But I guess that based on your track record, you were pretty sure that you would not be among the raptured. By the way, at which Taco Bell did you meet your future love interest?

Rather than believe that all of the classless guys are Americans, read about Dominique Strauss-Kahn, head of the IMF. I understand that he is French, but even in France, I doubt that the hotel maids are there for sex. It's room service, moron. They are there to clean.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn is not only giving men a bad name, he's killing the International Monetary Fund. I got an e-mail yesterday suggesting that in his case, IMF may have another meaning. You will have to decode that one on your own or wait until it shows up in your e-mail. I have committed not to use at least one of those words in this blog.

I would cross racial lines and mention Tiger Woods, but there is no sport there. He hasn't played a decent round of golf since his problems all became public. I can't believe that he even had the energy to play golf. There had to be some kind of drugs involved with that.

I'm nothing, if not fair. How about a little recognition to our Islamic brethren? Osama bin Laden, three wives and a porn collection?? Who has that kind of time or energy? How could he be plotting terrorist activities with three wives around? His to-do list had to be filled before he got started in the morning. I am trying to picture any man telling three wives something like, "Hey girls. Go do the laundry while I watch a couple of videos." I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that one of his wives grabbed a gun from one of the Seals and shot him herself!

If you are a public figure and are engaging in the same kind of things these morons are doing, STOP!! It's getting tougher for the rest of us to be treated fairly with schmucks like you guys running loose.

Hey fellows! Cut me some slack, I have enough in life to do without having to stop and defend our gender. I've got the dog to walk and a pink shirt to iron!


At 8:53 AM, Blogger Elaine said...

Well, Gilbert, I doubt the world is ending today, but just in case...thanks to YOU for the laughs and the tears AND for listening! There have been many times that if I didn't share my stories with you, I would have had no one to share them with. Not saying that we won't go to the same place, but in case joining the Presbyterian Church recently has given you an edge, I'll miss you!!


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