First of fall

It was a few days late, but fall finally arrived in North Carolina this week. This morning it was 50 degrees when I left the house at 5:30. It felt great.

I haven't been to an auction in several months so I headed to an early auction that John Pait was doing at 8:00 A.M. I knew when I saw the auction listing earlier in the week that it wouldn't last too long. Even by Pait's standards, it went pretty quick. It was over at 9:05. I picked up some deals. A Red-man picnic basket for $2, an old school desk for $2, several Victor mugs for $2, a rocking chair for $2, and a $2 bid for "everything in the corner" of the garage yielded a pruning saw, a Craftsman axe, a sausage grinder (still in the box), and some crap still to be examined. My older son was there and added to his wheelchair collection with a $2 purchase. If you are in the market for a good wheelchair, I think that it's already on Craig's List. It took us as long to load up as it took John to sell it all.

My wife had called me earlier in the morning and told me about a big yard sale and BBQ at a church in Greensboro. After loading up the minivan, there was still a cubic foot or so empty. So I headed out to the big church yard sale. They actually had some pretty good deals though some items appeared to have been priced by someone from Macy's. I bought about 30 NASCAR Christmas ornaments, new in the box. After packing those ornaments into the space available, I walked over to the tent where they were selling BBQ chicken. It wasn't a bad deal, $7.00 for a half chicken, slaw, and baked beans. I bought one and headed home.

A couple of miles down the road, my wonderful first day of fall went down the chute. The BBQ chicken smelled so good that I thought that I would taste it. I was sitting at a red light and looked in the bag. No plastic utensils! No problem, I'm a man, silverware is optional. The light changed, so I put my taste test on hold until the next red light. At that light, I reached into the container and tore the leg off of the half chicken. Actually, I TRIED to tear the leg off of the chicken! I realized instantly that I was not dealing with a run of the mill BBQ chicken. This was some type of BBQ chicken that I had never seen before. This was the toughest chicken that I have ever seen. That includes the chicken jerky that KFC tries to pass off as "grilled" chicken.

This chicken is my new standard for overcooked food. This chicken wasn't grilled by a cook, it was attacked by some kind of meat assassin. Crispy skin on BBQ chicken is good, crispy meat is not good. After trying a bite, I checked to see where my belt and wallet were, since it had a similar texture. I tried a second bite, but it was worse than the first. I gave up. I put the rest of the chicken back into the container. At every intersection on my way home, I looked for one of those guys with a sign telling you that they are hungry. They must have heard about the chicken and went into hiding or found jobs. On the way home, I did see several vultures in a field. I considered giving them the chicken but that might violate some federal environmental rule.

If your church is selling BBQ chicken, I beg you, use a thermometer. Chicken doesn't need to cook all day. When the temperature passes 165 degrees, find another place for it other than the grill. Call me if you need help, I would rather donate some time than see a chicken ruined.