Monday Maniac

Reading the news today, I found that Al Gore has secured almost 300,000 signatures on his Internet petition asking Congress to take action on global warming. Imagine that! The man who claimed that he invented the Internet has secured almost 1/10 of one per cent of the US population on an Internet petition. People must really be excited! That is not as many schmucks as paid to see his movie(?), but it is getting close. That almost rivals the petition to make Klingon the official language of Arkansas, which has only 500,000 signatures.

Al is trying to get another 50,000 signatures before he appears before Congress later this week. The only people impressed with that number will be from South Dakota.

The John Edwards campaign has announced that they will try to be "carbon neutral". Reports that the "Breck Boy" will give up hairspray are premature. He may have to go to "the pump". Bob Dole heard this report and offered John his old pump. (This one takes some thought.)

David Yemm, who reads this blog for no apparent reason, e-mailed me to report that the polar ice caps on Mars are melting. David offers the theory that the sun may be going through a warming phase. Rather than argue with the global warming Nazis, I think that the little green men long rumored to be on Mars produce methane gas at rates that would make a cow green with envy.

Al Sharpton continues his search for his family ties to Strom Thurmond. He was spotted in his office Friday downloading an application to join the Sons of Confederate Veterans.