What me worry?

Anna Nicole Smith assumed room temperature earlier this week. Famous for her quart-sized breast implants and posing for Playboy, she was only 39. Packed into those few years was a list of activities that celebrity sluts like Paris Hilton can only dream about experiencing.

From her early days pushing fried chicken, "Will that be an all-breast dinner?" to her appearance before the United States Supreme Court,"Are they really the Supremes?", Miss Smith was always ready with an incoherent quip. Known by reporters as "The Ditz with the Tits", she was in constant demand by those looking to fill time on celebrity news shows. If she felt that no one was paying attention, it was not uncommon for Miss Smith to toss a breast over each shoulder to get a photographer's attention.

Her marriage to a man who appeared to be old enough to have served with Lee at Gettysburg only served to build Miss Smith's legend. She claimed that it was true love. His being a multi-millionaire probably had nothing to do with her attraction to him. Of course, if I find myself in that position at 90, that's a pretty good way to check out.

Sadly, it has all come to an end. Now all that remains is to determine the paternity of her new baby. The latest story to emerge from the ANS nightmare is the claim that the dead old man is the baby's father. Allegedly, she was impregnated with sperm from the old man that he had frozen. He was so old that his sperm couldn't have made the trip on their own. Do you think that he was looking at an old issue of Playboy featuring Anna while trying to come up with the sperm to have frozen?

This is America today. The headline story is that a stripper with humongus breast implants who married a 90 year old man has died of presently unknown causes. This just a few hours after some bull dyke named Rosie talked trash about her. Guys in line at massage parlors across the land mourn her passing.

Attention CBS, CNN, ABC, NBC, and others!!
Call me when you have real news.