Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Super Bowl Thoughts

The Super Bowl is this Sunday, as if I care. The avalanche of hype that accompanies this game is next to any session of Congress, the largest waste of time and resources in history.

Dallas Cowboys running back Duane Thomas said it best years ago, "If it's the ultimate game, why are they playing it again next year?"

They have banned tailgating within a one mile radius of the stadium where the Super Bore will be played in Miami this year. As with everything else in this age, it is due to "security reasons". There is evidently a security risk in not purchasing ridiculously priced food being sold at an over-priced football game.

The Super Bowl is a place where semi-literate millionaires meet to taunt each other, jump up and down in unison, bump chests, slap each other on the butt, and perform dance routines after doing their jobs. And that's the clowns on the field. Those in the stands and the millions watching on TV around the world prove that Barnum was only partially correct. With the population explosion, there is MORE than one sucker born every minute.

The post game interviews are always the highlights of any sports production. To accentuate the intellectual quality of these interviews, the producers should bleep the phrase "you know" every time that it is used by a player. Answers to asinine questions from jocks-turned-reporters would go something like this, "BLEEP Billy, we just came here, BLEEP to show the world, BLEEP, that BLEEP we could get the job BLEEP done today.BLEEP" Tracking "you know" could become a new Super Bowl statistic.

Why do they call the winners of the Super Bowl "World Champions"? All of the entrants are from the NFL in the United States. Do you think anyone in Slovenia really cares? Is anyone in Iran watching?

The NFL passed on my idea for a Super Bowl commercial. I suggested a remake of the famous Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake halftime show. In my suggestion, after he rips her top away, instead of exposing her breast, the camera cuts to Timberlake who has a milk mustache as the screen flashes "Got Milk?".


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