It's Tampon Tim Time!!!

 Forty years ago, I was the General Manager at the Casa Gallardo Mexican Restaurant and Bar in Greensboro. One Friday evening during the dinner rush time, I was walking through the kitchen and saw a waitress heading to a stockroom. Since that didn't make sense at that hour, I walked over to the stockroom door and looked in. 

The waitress's name was Jayne Ann, and she was in the stock room trying to get a large box of tampons off of the top shelf. We kept them in stock to fill the feminine products dispenser in the ladies restroom. We also had a large box of pads to fill the same machine. They were pretty good-sized boxes as they held at least a couple of hundred tampons or pads. I asked her, "What are you doing?" She replied, "I'm trying to get a tampon." I responded, "They are a dime in the machine in the ladies room. Go up front to the restroom and get one. Don't steal one from the box back here." 

She got a little testy and said, "I am not trying to steal one. I am getting one back here because I don't want to go to the restroom up front." I laughed and said, "What are you going to do with it? Are you going to find a quiet spot in the dining room or kitchen where you can put it in? Here's a dime. Go to the restroom!" She stormed away, taking my dime with her.

I decided to wait and talk about it on another day with her. I pulled out my spiral bound database (pocket notebook) and made a note about the incident. 

An hour or so later, one of the waiters came up to me and asked, "Did you really bust Jayne Ann trying to palm a tampon in the stock room?" I asked, "Where did you hear that story? " He said "Jayne Ann told me." I just shook my head and walked away. I found Jayne Ann and said, "Give me my dime back." She threw a dime at me. I walked away laughing.

A few weeks later, it was about ten P.M. on a Friday night, and I was in the kitchen talking to the cooks about closing duties. One of the cocktail waitresses came running into the kitchen. She yelled at me. "Gil, JJ is up in the lounge with tampons hanging out of his nose and telling people 'I'm a walrus!' Come do something!".

Our dining room manager beat me to the lounge and was barking at JJ, who was a busboy, when I got there. He had been assigned to clean and stock the restrooms and decided that he would invest a couple of dimes in an attempt to entertain customers and employees. I was actually impressed by his walrus impersonation. I commended him for originality and humor but instructed him to never do that again.

Until this week that was my funniest story about tampons. Of course that was before Kameltoe Harris picked Tampon Tim Walz as her Vice-Presidential candidate. Tampon Tim had tampon dispensers installed in the male restrooms in Minnesota public schools. He's concerned about menstruating young men.

In the real world of business before making that decision, we would do some kind of cost-benefit analysis to justify it. Did the Governor do that? Of course, not. How many people using the male restrooms need to purchase tampons? Did he do any kind of study? Why do a study? It's just taxpayer money.  How many tampons are they actually selling, or do they just give them away?  How many young men are getting tampons to do a walrus impersonation? How many are being used for their intended purpose? Would it be cheaper just to give a box to every guy who needs them when his period starts? I assume that they are also dispensing feminine hygiene pads. Are these doubling as first aid supplies for teenage boys? Before you discount that possibility, I cut my arm once and a women pulled a pad from her pocketbook and slapped it on my cut. The nurses were laughing at the emergency room when I got there, and they looked at my arm. Who knows how long those ER nurses told that maxi pad story?

I can't wait for more news from the Kameltoe/Tampon Tim campaign. If I were J.D. Vance, I would put a couple of tampons in my nostrils for the VP debate. Can you picture the response when Vance walks on to the stage and announces, "I'm a walrus!" 

We could have a guy dressed as Chumley, the walrus from Tennessee Tuxedo and his Tales, follow Walz around to his events. What if we played the Beatles singing their hit "I'm a Walrus"? What if we just paid people to stand in the crowd with tampons in their noses? It's Tampon Tim Time!!