Frugal Frank Fritz Math??

 First, if you don't know who Frank Fritz is, you may be more out of the loop than Joe Biden. Fritz was the co-star of the "American Pickers" television show for about ten years. Frank was famous for his beard and his legendary cheapness. He left the show about four years ago for a variety of reasons. Frank was the member of the team who actually had a personality. The star of the show, Mike, was not quite as interesting as Tupperware. But I digress.

Here's how Frank's technique in negotiating usually happened. The pair would be discussing the purchase of an item from someone. They would ask, "What do you want for it?" The potential seller would think for a minute and say, "$300."  Frank would counter and offer $100. At this point, the seller would respond "Okay, I will take $200". At this point, Frugal Frank's math would kick in and he would make a chopping motion with his hands and say, "Let's split it in half at $150." This completely ignores the seller's action of meeting Frank in the middle when he offered to take $200. 

Since it was television and not the real world, the seller would usually accept Frank's offer. I am sorry to break the hearts of television viewers, but this doesn't often work in the real world. I spent a couple of days at the Liberty Antiques Festival last week and I did my share of negotiating. It doesn't work in the real world like it does in television.

To start with, if you make that little chopping motion with your hand and say, "Let's cut it in half", the negotiation has just ended. I refuse to deal with an idiot aping a statement made on a fantasy show on television. You would be better off quoting Corporal Klinger from M.A.S.H. At least Klinger knew how to trade.

If someone makes an offer that is low but not absurd, I try to be polite and simply say, "No, thank you." I know that "polite" may surprise some folks. On Friday, a woman asked me, "What does 'No, thank you' mean?" So, I explained that I was simply unwilling to sell it at that price. She was free to make a better offer or pay the price that I originally stated. I have an unwritten rule that I will not negotiate on an item selling for $5 or less. I feel that those items are things that I have fairly priced, and I am not wasting my time negotiating on amounts that would involve paying with coins. 

I watch prices of items that I sell on several different markets. I watch auction prices and Ebay prices. I watch other online store pricing. I go into thrift stores and antique shops and check pricing; I just don't pull numbers out of my ass or the air when someone asks me for a price. 

I am always willing to listen to realistic offers, but people who want to make insulting offers are going to get a response that they will one day share with their children. The story will almost certainly start like this, "You won't believe what this old bastard at the flea market told me."

While there are days that I miss watching Frank Fritz on television, I will never miss his legion of imitators out at the flea market. Sorry, Frank.