TV Tuesday

The man who described television as a "vast wasteland" had a gift for understatement.

Have you watched "Swamp People" on of all places, the History Channel? My wife loves the show. Her  family moved to Louisiana more than 25 years ago. I think that she watches in the hope of seeing a relative or friend. Evidently "Swamp People" is very popular. I see people wearing "Swamp People" T-shirts. I just don't understand why it's on the History Channel. All joking aside, the History Channel needs to consider a name change. This network is also home to such "historical" shows as Pawn Stars, Ice Road Truckers, American Pickers, Cajun Pawn Stars and Picked Off. That sound you hear is me gagging.

Over on the Animal Planet channel is "Call of the Wildman". This makes "Swamp People" look like Shakespeare. The star of the show is Turtleman. I'm not making this up. His name is Ernie Brown and he appears to have just enough teeth to work the midnight shift at the Waffle House. Watch this show at your own risk.

My wife laughs at me because I like to watch "NASCAR Race Hub". It's on the Speed Channel, which at least makes sense. She also hates the brightly colored shirts that the host wears. One evening she pointed out that both the host and I were wearing the same pink shirt. I am sure that in a few more years she will get over the pink shirt thing. Maybe?

The Hallmark Channel is the home to every "chick flick" ever made. The good news is that in the late evening they show "Frasier".  Frasier and Niles have got to be the two gayest characters on television.

There's a show about an auto parts dealer in the South Bronx called "Hard Parts", I think. A friend suggested that the star is simply the New York version of myself. I watched it once, maybe he's right.

The good news for me is that my wife gave up watching "Toddlers and Tiaras". Yes, it's about little girls and beauty pageants. The whole thing is kind of sick! Besides, everyone knows that women grow more beautiful with age.

So we have the Dish Network 250 channel package and at 5:00 A.M. , there's still nothing to watch except infomercials and the weather. Go back to paragraph one and read it again.