Thursday, February 14, 2008

Just Thinking on Thursday

Last night as I sledded home, I realized why I think that "global warming" is media-induced mass hysteria. It took me more than twice as long to get home because I was traveling through about 4 inches of a "surprise snowstorm". Yes, "surprise snowstorm". Nobody called this one. On the news at noon yesterday, the forecast was for a 20% chance of evening showers, no snow mentioned. At work, the snow started falling about 7:30. When I left at 10:30, I had to get a broom to clean the snow off of the van. As I traveled the last 15 miles at a breakneck speed of 15 to 20 miles per hour, it came to me. The same weather experts who are telling me that the polar ice caps will be gone in 20 years couldn't tell me that snow was coming in the next 12 hours. This is some type of weather expert's Alzheimer's disease. They can tell you what the temperature will be in 2038, but can't tell you that it is going to rain tomorrow. Pack it in, guys!

You might be a redneck: About 5 miles from home, I saw several people standing a few feet off of the side of the road. A couple were holding flashlights and looking around. I slowed down (from 10 miles per hour) to see what was happening. I thought that they might have run off of the road. Not even close! At 12:30, there was a family out trying to sled down a hill, in the dark, towards a pond. They were taking turns using a blue plastic tarp as a sled. "Watch this, y'all". I guess that they were afraid that the snow would melt before morning. Either that or the beer would run out.

Today is Valentine's Day, a holiday designed by Hallmark, florists, and candy makers. I decide to get my wife a card early, so I went yesterday afternoon. I know that it was early because the card rack was surrounded by women, the men wouldn't be there until later. I tried to get through the crowd to the rack without much luck, the women were holding their ground near the card rack. After waiting a couple of minutes without any movement in the crowd, I loudly asked, "Excuse me, are the gay and lesbian cards in this area?". Like Moses parting the Red Sea, the crowd parted and I walked up to the rack and picked out a card. Happy Valentine's Day, darling.


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