Happy New Year!!

Yes, I celebrate the New Year with the same partying and revelry that I use to greet each new day.

Customer question that I overheard at work the other day, "What's the difference between a vegetable omelet and a vegetable omelet with cheese?" There's been no spike in the average IQ in the New Year!

A customer called last week to see if we would be open New Year's Day, I told her that we would. She then asked if we would be serving collards and black eye peas. I assured her that we would not be serving those. Why not? The smell of collards cooking makes me gag. I'm guessing that she ate somewhere else on New Year's Day.

The prevailing superstition in the South is that eating greens on New Year's Day will bring you riches. Just for the record, you will make more money going to work than sitting at home eating greens.

The Iowa caucuses are tonight. The state where hogs outnumber humans about 5 to 1 is trying to tell us who our next president should be. I would rather eat collards than pay attention to Iowa. John Edwards should win the Democratic side in Iowa. He's been there the last two years campaigning. If you live in Iowa and haven't met Edwards, you are in some kind of witness protection program. The Iowa caucuses are such a waste of time that I'm looking forward to the New Hampshire primary. That's the one where the 245 voters of New Hampshire offer us their opinions on the next candidates. Obama, Hillary, Breck Girl, offer the same range of choices as Larry, Moe, Curley. I won't even get into the lack of candidates on the Republican side. Hell, why not? Insane McCain, McCain-Feingold, any need to say more? Huckabee, sorry Huck Finn, but I wouldn't vote for another governor of Arkansas on a bet. Rudy, call me when you become a real Republican, northeastern Republicans are just Democrats in drag. Romney, nice guy, where did he get all those flip-flops? Watch as the automatron changes position without knocking a hair out of place. Fred Thompson, hot wife according to all who support him. Maybe she should run. Sorry guys, he's not another Reagan. Ron Paul, good ideas, some crazy ideas, should be writing a blog instead of running. No chance, but entertaining.

In the "news" the other day, Jessica Simpson is going to record a country music album. Having grown up listening to country music on the Waffle House jukebox, this is about as exciting as hearing that Tiny Tim albums are on sale at the Dollar Tree. I have seen Jessica's future and it can be found at www.jinglejugs.com , go see for yourself.

In just a few more days, all of the New Year's Day bowl games should be over. This is The Longest Day.