Election 2006- Still no cure for stupidity!

Mercifully, the 2006 elections are over. America has demonstrated to the world that we are either a nation in need of a massive air drop of medication for bipolar disorder or that the average IQ just dropped another ten points. Analysts have spent the last three days explaining the election results, it is time to turn it over to the comedians. Maybe they can make sense of it. But before that, I'll take a shot at it.

"The Republicans lost because of the war in Iraq." Sure that makes sense. Of course it doesn't explain why Lincoln Chaffee, alleged Republican from Rhode Island, lost to a Democrat named Whitehouse. Chaffee voted against the war and everything else the Republicans have done. So why take him out? You would have to ask someone from Rhode Island if you could find them. Rhode Island has two senators, one for about every thirty people. I have talked to hundreds of people a week for the last 35 years and never met anyone from Rhode Island. Eighty per cent of Americans probably can't find it on a map. I can't decide if they named the state after the chicken or the chicken after the state. Who cares what they voted for in Rhode Island??

How about Joe Lieberman in Connecticut? He supported the war and still does. He lost in the Democratic primary to an anti-war candidate, so he left the Democrats and ran as an independent. All of the Democratic heavyweights campaigned against Joe. So naturally enough he won. Does this count as Democratic anti-war victory? According to the Democrats it does.

George Allen lost in Virginia to porno writer Jim Webb. Jim scored big in the northern Virginia area around DC. It might be time for Virginia to return that area to the District of Columbia.

Several analysts keep mentioning Mark Foley, the IM idiot. If Foley were a Democrat, he would be a folk hero. Democrats attacking Foley are hypocrites of Clintonian scale. They celebrate homosexuality as a virtue, unless you are a gay Republican. Foley should have just switched parties instead of resigning.

This morning, I saw Nancy Pelosi and George Bush promise to work in a bipartisan manner. Wait! Nancy represents San Francisco. In San Francisco, bipartisan means that a couple of gay males have convinced a lesbian to be a surrogate mother, through artificial insemination of course.

Heath Shuler won a seat in the House of Representatives by beating Charlie Taylor. Shuler's political experience consists of a couple of bad seasons quarterbacking the Washington Redskins. Shuler pledged to take "mountain values" to Washington. Will that be the "moonshine making" values or the "marrying your cousin" values?

In my favorite election here at home, Vernon Robinson lost to Brad Miller in the 13th House District. The local news idiots keep talking about how Miller won by almost a two to one margin. Wow!! That is almost the exact proportion of Democrats to Republicans in this district that Miller gerrymandered for himself when he was in the state legislature a few years ago. Vernon must have thought that he would get at least a few black votes in the district. Sorry, Vernon. They are not voting for a Republican even if he is black.

Voting problems??? Why is it that when the Democrats win we never hear about voting problems? I guess that machines only malfunction when they lose?

Send in the clowns!!