I love stupid people- The Ebay Chapter

I sell a few things on eBay and have encountered more than my share of stupid people there. I guess it shows that it doesn't require a lot of intelligence to get online and buy something.

My latest case involves an attorney and a pair of US Army dress blue pants. Another person had purchased an Army dress blue coat and inquired to see if I had a pair of dress blue pants to go with it. I had a pair his size and emailed him with the details including condition. He agreed to purchase them and I listed them on eBay so that he could do that. I listed them as "US Army dress blue pants for *********". A couple of days later, I received notification that they had been purchased. But they had been purchased by someone other than the person intended. No big deal, I had another pair that size. So I shipped the pants to the new purchaser. A few days later, I received an email from the new buyer telling me that the pants looked like they had been worn. I explained to him the concept of military surplus, that he had paid $10 for a pair of pants that sold new for $80-100, and that if he didn't like them he could return them. A couple of weeks passed before I heard from him. He was going to return the pants but needed my address. It seems that upon receiving the pants, he had shipped them along with a coat that he had purchased elsewhere to Marlow White for tailoring. When I told him he could return them, he asked White to ship them back. This whole affair is the equivalent of buying a pair of pants at Goodwill or a yard sale and shipping them to Brooks Brothers to have them tailored and then complaining about the price. Made a note not to sell this guy anything else.

Got an email the other day from a guy in Denmark. "I wear a 32 Regular in green pants. What size would I wear in the blue pants?" Try to answer that question without using the word dumbass.

Last year I sold a pair of dress blue pants to a guy in Virginia. A few days later, I got an email from his wife telling me that there was a stain that they were unable to get out. I told her to return them. A few days later the package arrived and I refunded their money. A couple of days later, I opened the package to see if I should send the pants to the cleaners. There was a note, "I washed these five times and the stain would not come out." Attached to the note was a pair of 36" waist prunes. The idiot had washed a pair of 100% wool elastique pants labeled "DRY CLEAN ONLY" in hot water several times. I couldn't get a good shoe polishing rag out of what was left. I considered emailing him to tell him that his wife was an idiot but I figured that he already knew.

Last month a guy bought a pair of 35 Long pants. A few days later, he emails to tell me that they are baggy. Do I have any in a 32 Regular? If you wear a 32 Regular, why do you buy a 35 Long?? Here's your sign!