Coming to a television near you!!

 The new season starts with a classic updated for younger viewers. Jim Nabors has gone to meet Jesus, so he is being replaced by Pete Buttgig. Pete will be the star in a new series called Homo Pyle, USMC. Updated from the 1960's, it will be set in the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" era. The part of Sgt. Carter will be played by retired Gen. Mark Milli Vanilli. In the first episode, Milli Vanilli attempts to overthrow the President and ends up in front of a firing squad. I am torn between the firing squad or having Milli Vanilli join a drag dance team. Stay tuned for updates. If all else fails, the show will end with Sgt. Vanilli asking and Pvt. Buttgig telling. They both get tossed from the Corps for violating the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

There is an updated version of The Real McCoys in the works. Sen. Mitch McConnell is slated to play the part of Grandpa Amos McCoy, made famous by Walter Brennan. McConnell has expressed concerns about playing such a young character. The part of Pepino, the farm hand, is still in casting as there are 14.3 million people in California who all look the part.

We are experiencing a similar problem as we try to put together a remake of The Dick Van Dyke Show. The studio has been flooded with thousands of women who believe that they are the Van Dyke we are looking for to play the male lead. That's the risk we took by filming in California. Hundreds have been ruled out due to facial tattoos. So far, all of the finalists have the same first name, Butch. I think that Butch Van Dyke just won't make it.

People's Court was considered for an update, but once again, casting was a problem. Judge Juan Merchan was thought to be the perfect candidate, but all of the test audiences complained that he didn't know enough about the law to even pretend to be a judge. We are now having Judge Jeanine screen possible candidates. 

Gilligan's Island has long been a rerun favorite. We are bringing it back with an unknown actor by the name of Joseph Robinette Biden playing the lead. Biden claims to have been first in his acting class at Syracuse. It seems that he used to be part of a touring comedy duo with a guy known only as Corn Pop. Donald Trump will play the millionaire, now renamed Donald Trump III. The role of Lovey Howell will be played by Jill Biden and DT3 will just refer to her as "bitch". Ginger's role will be updated to eliminate any speaking roles and her name will be changed to Brownie. Brownie will be played by Kameltoe Harris. Mary Anne will be played by the former squaw, Elizabeth Warren. Her contact prohibits wearing shorts. The "Professor" will be played by Vivek Ramaswamy. The cast is rounded out with Bernie Sanders playing "The Skipper". Good luck, little buddy!!  In the premier episode, the castaways find an enormous bag of crack on the island. They soon are confronted by some guy who claims to be a crack "Hunter". Coming to an island near you soon!!

To round out the schedule, the Wonderful World of Disney will present a new edition of "Old Yeller".  No, it's not a film about Joe Biden speeches. It will be titled Young Yeller, and the character of Travis (who has to put Yeller down) will be played by Kristi Noem. She claims that she can shoot the scene with a single take.