Thomas Wolfe was Right!!

 It is widely accepted that Thomas Wolfe was North Carolina's greatest writer. While I have read some of his work, I am not an expert on Wolfe. In the interest of full disclosure, I obviously don't write in the style of Wolfe.  That's just in case you haven't noticed.

In early October of last year, I decided to attend the fifty-year reunion of my high school graduating class in Tampa, Florida. I debated over several weeks about whether or not to go, but eventually decided that I would give it a shot. My wife had some work commitments and was not able to go with me. I think that she had attended two of our previous reunions and just didn't want to go through that again. I don't blame her.

The reunion organizers had scheduled a Friday evening social and a Saturday night dinner. The cost was $35 for the Friday social thing and $95 for the Saturday night dinner. We were meeting at the Godfrey Hotel on Rocky Point in Tampa. I thought that it was a little pricey, but I went anyway. I stayed at a Country Inn and Suites rather than the Godfrey since I had made my reunion reservations close to the deadline. That was the best move that I made in this debacle.

A minor crisis at work caused me to have to leave early on Friday morning and drive the 675 miles to Tampa. I haven't been to Tampa in 15 years and hitting the city limits at 5:00 PM on Friday was about as bad as you would imagine. Anyway, I made it to my hotel and checked in. A classmate's family farm used to be where the hotel was located.  Yes, the neighborhood has changed. 

I headed over to the Godfrey and the social event. The registration said that we would have "light" hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar. We were gathering on the hotel pier for the evening. I checked in and got my name tag with a picture that no one could link to me today. I walked over to the bar and got a $5 bottle of water that I could hide in the palm of my hand. I didn't know that they bottled water in containers that small. Hell, I thought that it was some kind of communion cup. I have to produce more liquid than that bottle held to pass a urine test. I can't remember how many times that I have told people, "What America really needs is a good Five-dollar bottle of water." I thought that I was at a NASCAR race, an NFL game, or a movie. But wait, there's more.

I had only taken a couple of steps before a server offered me some food. She handed me a small plate with TWO shrimp on it. Two? That was 15 bucks a shrimp. I was almost afraid to eat anything in that price range. That shrimp must have been farm raised in Perrier water with an attendant on call to cater to their every need. I took two bites to eat each shrimp so that I could stretch out that culinary experience.

Then I looked around to see if I could recognize anyone who I knew. There were about 100 people there. You have all been to this kind of event. You look at name tags until you find somebody that you think you know. I look absolutely nothing like the senior picture on my name tag. Let me elaborate. At graduation, I was about 5'2" and weighed about 110 pounds and had hair. Today, I have very little hair, stand about 5'7" and weigh about 215 pounds. Yeah, I've changed a little. Anyway, I had to explain to several people that human growth does not end at high school graduation.

I stayed about an hour and a half before I had to leave. I had to go get dinner at a restaurant before I lapsed into some kind of starvation induced coma. Before I left, they announced that the next morning they would have breakfast available in a meeting room. They were serving Cuban coffee and Cuban bread with butter. I don't drink any kind of coffee and I require more than bread for breakfast. I told a few people that I would see them for dinner on Saturday. 

I got up Saturday morning and decided to ride around Tampa and see some old sites. There wasn't much there that I recognized. It was like visiting a foreign land. There wasn't very much property that was undeveloped. I think there is a T-Mobile store on every other corner in Tampa. Waters Avenue ran in front of my hotel. In 1971, it was a two-lane road, today it is six lanes. At the intersection of Waters and Dale Mabry, they were going to build an overpass in the late 1970's. Fifty years later, still no overpass. 

In our old neighborhood, some things had changed. Some folks had turned their front yards into concrete slabs. No need to mow the grass all year, just paint the slab every year. Democrats still run Hillsborough County and Tampa. Want proof? There used to be a big drainage ditch/canal on the edge of our neighborhood. It's still an open sewer, but now it has a name. But I didn't write that name down.  Also, it's no longer a ditch, it's a "slough". 

Still looking for friendly territory, I headed west towards Oldsmar. There has been a flea market there as long as I can remember. I found the flea market and started searching for something that I don't have. I ended up buying something to resell. I bought what the seller claimed was a quantity of 1500 socket wrenches. Later at home I counted almost 1700 sockets. Good buy!!

On my way back to the hotel, I stopped at a fast-food place selling grilled tropical chicken. Damn if I remember the name, but it was great chicken with interesting side items. It turned out to be the best meal that I had in Tampa.

After a nap to rest up for the evening festivities, I got dressed and headed to the Godfrey. I wore a sports coat and a tie along with the mandatory shirt, pants, socks, and shoes. If dinner is $95, I think you should at least put on long pants and a collared shirt. A few guys didn't agree with me. 

Arriving at the Godfrey, I found the event room. It looked like it would be a bit crowded for almost a hundred people. I found a table with some folks I knew and settled in for the evening. We had some time to talk before dinner time. I had to explain to several other people that some of us kept growing after graduation. Had I known my size was going to be such an issue, I would have put together a few brochures explaining that phenomena to bring with me.

Therre were eight of us to a table for dinner. The room seemed pretty tight for a hundred folks. Then I realized that they had set up a buffet for us to use.  The serving line started somewhere over my right shoulder. With the line formed behind me, it was like eating dinner on an interstate entrance ramp. It wasn't a $95 meal.  I ate salad, some kind of chicken and a few green beans that you couldn't serve in North Carolina. The dessert was good. While waiting for the post meal festivities, I began to plan on where I would stop for food on the way back to the hotel.

There was some good conversation at the dinner table.  It was an eclectic group ranging from a minister to an old bail bondsman to a foul-mouthed restaurant manager. I forgot the Navy pilot with the required military vocabulary. It was good.

The reason that the tables were crowded together was that they had set up a dance floor. A bunch of 68 year olds need dining space more than they need a dance floor. Who wants to watch a bunch of old white people dance? Also, being a few hundred miles from home and having too much alcohol has a tendency to enable some folks to make an ass of themselves. I thought some of those people were smarter than that. They proved that I was wrong.

I went outside with some other non-dancers to talk. I was telling one classmate that I thought that the event was hopelessly overpriced. Another classmate's wife standing nearby said, "You don't understand how catering works". I quickly explained to her that after more than fifty years in the food service business, I knew more about catering than anyone in that building. It kind of went downhill from there and she walked away. 

They had drawings for prizes. The minister at my table won a few hundred dollars in cash. I won a Leto High polo shirt in size Small. I gave it to my granddaughter. I am not sure it will fit her. 

Around 10:15 with the crowd all wandering away, I headed to my car. On the way out, I encountered a classmate who I have known since the seventh grade. I had not had a chance to talk to him earlier. We stood in the hotel lobby and talked for a few minutes. He started by asking, "Gilbert, are you still preaching?" I looked at him and  said, "What are you talking about?" He replied, "I thought that you had gone into the ministry. By the way, if anyone says anything about that to you, they probably heard that from me." I just said, "Well, thanks." I was still smiling when I got in the car.

I was so hungry on the way back to the hotel that I stopped at McDonalds and got something to eat. After a $95 dinner, I had to spend $12 at McDonalds to fill up.

When I woke up on Sunday morning, I realized that I was ready to go home. I had planned to leave on Monday morning, but I couldn't take another 24 hours in Tampa. I called my wife and told her that I was heading home.By 8:30, I was heading north on I-75. 

On the ride home, I had lots of time to think. Somewhere around Webster, I realized that Thomas Wolfe was right. You can't go home again.