Facebook

There's not much online that I despise more than Facebook. I'm a member because my high school class has a page there and I thought that it would be a good way to keep up with old acquaintances. That may be true, but it comes at a price.

Facebook must be in the definition of "banality" in the dictionary. If not, I'm going to put it there. I think that continued exposure to Facebook will lower your intelligence. It's not a website, it's a disease.

I rarely post anything on Facebook. Most of my posts are pictures of Alice, my prettiest grandchild.

I think that I have about sixty "Friends" on Facebook. That would be fifty eight more than I have in real life! Of these sixty people, there are about six or seven who fill my Facebook page with info. They do this EVERYDAY. These people must have no lives. There are several posts every day from these people. As best as I can tell, these people are walking around with a "smart" phone keeping us all posted on what they are doing. I know when they get up, go get groceries, get sick, play a game, what they had for dinner, if they farted afterwards, there's just no end!!

People on Facebook give out way too much information. I don't want to know if you are getting breast implants or how the Viagra is working. Guys, I don't want to see your new tattoos. Girls, I don't even want to know if you have a tattoo!  I'm either happy that you are pregnant or sorry that you are pregnant, you pick. All I'm sure about is that I don't need a lot of details. I don't want to see pictures of crawfish boils or pizza. I'm glad that you can afford sushi for dinner, but don't post pictures. I can't believe that they have a sushi place in Alabama. I'm from North Carolina, food is dirt grown and deep fried. Do I post pics from Donut World? Girls,stop wasting your time posting those beach pictures, everybody can tell that they have been Photoshopped.

Stop posting urban legends as fact and don't waste the keystrokes asking me to play a game. If you want me to post something to prove that I am your friend, forget it. I'm not sending anything to ten of my friends, I really don't have that many.

Friends? I see people who have hundreds of "friends". If we define "friend" as someone who would bail you out of jail, they are probably all down to two or three friends. It would be more honest if Facebook just labeled them as  "acquaintances".

I tell everyone that I only have two friends and I'm pretty sure that one of them wouldn't get me out of jail. They would probably just send a lawyer. I'm keeping them as a friend anyway.

The whole "friend" thing is strange. As I just wrote, I have a couple of close friends and we aren't "friends" on Facebook. My sons are both on Facebook and I'm not on their "friends" list. There is some stuff that I just don't want to know.

What do your "friends" say about you? I have a gay second cousin who is on Facebook a lot. He has more than 1100 "friends". From the pictures of his "friends", one might surmise that his "friends" are all young men who can't afford shirts and shave their chests.

I have been told that the rudest thing on Facebook is to "unfriend" someone. Count me in!! A few weeks ago I "unfriended" a former employee. He ranted for days after the amendment defining marriage in North Carolina passed. When I caught my limit on that, a few keystrokes ended my suffering.

Having said all of this, why do I even look at Facebook? It's like watching a train wreck. You don't want to, but you can't turn away. I am just going to ease my pain and check it only on Sunday night. That way, I have a week to get all of the profanity out of my system before Sunday School rolls around. Look for a picture of Alice on Sunday!!