American Idle

Yes, it's that time again. American Idol has returned to a television set near you. I guess that it could be worse, but I honestly don't want to imagine how.

My wife likes the show, so it's on the TV now. The early "audition" shows are the worst. Thousands try out, hundreds get ridiculed, a handful go to Hollyood for more detailed abuse. There is evidently a strong masochistic streak among "singers" or potential "Idols".

I really don't understand why people who sing (and I use the term loosely) so badly try out. Shouldn't their friends tell them that they suck before someone tells them and fifty million other people watching on television that they can't sing? How can they not know that they can't carry a tune? Are we so obsessed with self-esteem that we can't be honest with our friends?

The only thing worse than the contestants is the judges and I am using the word judges extremely loosely. Let's start with Randy Jackson. Randy, can you use a word other than "dog" or is it "dawg" when speaking to someone? How about using "dude" or "guy"? Even "man" would be an improvement. Frankly Randy, even as little as I watch, I'm tired of hearing "It didn't do it for me." Of course, nothing is as overused as "It was a little pitchy". What the hell does that really mean?

How about Paula? Has she ever seen a young male "singer" she didn't like? What's it like to be taken under her wing (or other body part)? If she were a school teacher, she would be on the six o'clock news.

Finally, we get to Simon. He's the core of the show. People are fascinated by a guy who is coldly critical, seemingly uncaring, and brutally honest. Why? This guy gets paid big bucks to be a prick, I've been doing it free for years. Simon, how about springing for something other than a T-shirt to wear? You're making millions, how about something with a collar and some buttons?

"American Idol", some kid who sings? How about somebody working a job, raising a family, and trying to leave the world a little better than they found it? That's what I am looking for in an "Idol". Yo Dog!! It's OK if they are "a little pitchy".