I'm So Old?

 I woke up this morning feeling older than usual, but the good news is that I did wake up!! It's those small things that make life worthwhile.

On some days the age thing bothers me more than other days. Those are the days that I really feel old. So, what's it like getting older? If you are currently alive, do your own analysis. If you want my take, read on.

I'm so old that I remember when all of the questionable shows would be on cable. Today, you can see the same crap on broadcast television. 

I am so old that I remember when there were real Republicans in California. I am not so sure now that there is real human life in that state.

I am so old that I remember when Democrats would work with a Republican President to accomplish things. Republicans actually worked with Bill Clinton to get stuff done. Of course, there was an ugly rumor that Newt Gingrich had Monica's dentist on the GOP payroll. 

I am so old that I liked the Ukraine better when they were part of the Soviet Union. Other than that occasional malfunction at a nuclear power plant like Chernobyl, things were pretty calm in that area.

Almost everyone in our country over the age of eight has a phone on during every waking moment. I am so old that I remember "party lines". You don't need a party line phone to listen in on the conversations of others. You only need to be in a public place while everyone shouts into their phones talking to others. By the time that you finish dinner in a crowded restaurant, you know more about some people than even their doctor knows. People don't need to "mute" their phones, they need to mute themselves. Trust me on the this, the rest of the world doesn't care who you are sleeping with or how many times you have sex. Most of us realize that you are making up those numbers anyway.

I am so old that I only need to receive one picture on my flip phone of your child performing some athletic accomplishment. I don't have the attention span for two or three pictures, much less a video. On my flip phone, pictures are about the size of a postage stamp. With that perspective, everybody's kids and new pets look strikingly similar. Trust me on this one!

I am so old that I have seen more than my share of pictures of pretty women. Even a closeup of your newfound babe's bosom is almost impossible to discern on my flip phone. I can wait until you take us to dinner to see those puppies. Unless we are meeting for dinner at a place that requires reservations, don't bother inviting us. I will work with the picture instead.

I am so old that I remember when people sent cards and letters. They would also call you on that thing that hung on the wall in the kitchen or sat on a table in the living room. Now, we all carry those phone things around, and no one actually "communicates".  Receiving a phone call used to be special. Now, your phone rings every five minutes and it's just a pain in your ass or wherever you keep yours.

I am so old that the word I use most frequently to describe interactions with others via the magic of cellular phones is "banality". Banality has gone from being the exception in describing phone conversations to being the rule in describing phone conversations.

I had to get my phone repaired the other day. Apparently, it has not been working right for more than a month. If my wife had not tried to call me, I would have never known.

I am so old, that when I was growing up, phone calls were a dime at payphones in Florida. If I could get phone service for a dime a call, my bill would be less than five bucks a month.

I am so old that I remember when the Democratic Party had members who could speak without shrieking and insulting their political opponents.  I will give them credit for one thing. They do excel in sticking to the script that someone is writing for them all.

I am so old that in high school a lot of the other students hated Richard Nixon, I didn't. In my thirties, a lot of people hated Ronald Reagan, I didn't. Now a lot of people hate Donald Trump, I don't. I am past giving a rat's ass about what people think. It's not like they are calling me. 

Finally, I am so old that when I was in school, we had more kids who could read than who couldn't read. We could write in cursive. We could do math without whipping out our phone to enter the numbers.

I am so old that I realize that we have taken our eyes off the ball.  I have to go; the phone isn't ringing!!