Does Gov. Spam-burger blow?

 Somebody ought to sue Gov. Abigail Spam-burger of Virginia for fraud based on her campaign claims of being a "moderate". 

The grammar junkie in me has risen to the surface and I want to point out that Spam-burger used "moderate" as a noun when she actually should have used it as an adjective. What she should have said was "I am a moderate Communist" or "I am a moderate Socialist" or "I am a moderate Dimocrat". But unfortunately, all of those statements mean the same thing. Complete honesty would have required that she should have said, "I will be a moderate dictator."

Inspired by Governor Spam-burger's threats to pass more gun laws, a convicted felon shot and killed an ROTC instructor yesterday at Old Dominion University in Norfolk. Unfortunately for the liberals who support him, he was subdued and killed by a group of students, including at least one with a pocketknife.

 Look for Governor Spam-burger to move to outlaw or regulate pocketknives today. It's part of her leftist, lunatic strategy to only allow criminals to be armed.

As Governor Spam-burger also wants to outlaw gas-powered leaf blowers, I can only assume that somewhere in Virginia, some poor, unsuspecting liberal Virginian was robbed or accosted by a random desperado armed only with a Stihl BR 700 backpack gas-powered blower. Oh, the humanity! Governor Spam-burger is only trying to make Virginia safe for unblown leaves. 

My sources in Virginia tell me that the Virginia State Police detail charged with protecting Governor Spam-burger has created a 500-foot radius area around the Governor which is declared to be a "gas-powered blower" free zone. 

 I don't believe that the Virginia State Police actually understand the situation as there have been reports of several people being searched for gas-powered blowers at public appearances of Spam-burger. The head of Governor Spam-burger's security detail, Sergeant Dudley Do-right, was interviewed by an RMOL correspondent about these searches. Do-right refused to confirm or deny that troopers were frisking people looking for gas powered blowers. However, Do-right did accidentally disclose that the security detail's codename for Governor Spam-burger is "airhead". Do-right insisted that this codename has nothing to do with gas-powered blowers.

The owner of The Mower Store in Ridgeway, Virginia told RMOL that gas-powered blowers are flying off the shelves as people stock up for the next four years of mowing grass and dealing with fallen leaves. He even expects a black market to develop for gas-powered blowers. I think that he's running a Spam-burger Special right now on gas-powered blowers. 

At the nearby Rural King, an anonymous employee said that the gas blowers were flying off the shelf like toilet tissue during COVID. Don't get caught with your pants down again. Get a gas-powered blower today!! Tell them that Governor Spam-burger sent you.