I Love Stupid People Ver 1.18

 Scanning the news online this morning, I saw the most incredibly stupid headline that I have seen in years.

"Family of woman unalived by illegal migrant now suing Biden administration for $100 million"

This was from "The Independent News". In the story they later admitted that a young woman had been raped and murdered by an undocumented immigrant affiliated with MS-13. Later in the article they mentioned another person who had been "unalived" by an illegal immigrant from Romania.

"Unalived" may be the peak of the stupidity of political correctness. Everyone in the media needs to be compelled to watch one of George Carlin's presentations on words. Why describe someone as "murdered" when "unalived" is ripe for the using?

The article was quite a relief for me as I discovered that I will never die, I will just be "unalive". That means that I will be "Biden-like". Will I still get ice cream?

If you have seen one of those electronic highway message boards on a highway with a funny message from your state highway department, don't worry. It won't happen much longer. The Department of Transportation has issued new regulations to prohibit humor. The DOT order says “Messages with obscure or secondary meanings, such as those with popular culture references, unconventional sign legend syntax, or that are intended to be humorous, should not be used as they might be misunderstood or understood only by a limited segment of road users and require greater time to process and understand. Similarly, slogan-type messages and the display of statistical information should not be used.” 

Signs like “Only Rudolph Should Drive Lit,” are obviously too difficult for the average Democrat to understand, so they must be banned. I rarely travel outside of Dixie, but my personal observation is that Mississippi has the most entertaining signs. I doubt that are any funny signs in New York.

 People are speeding down the highway talking on their phones, watching videos, and arguing with their family, but somehow a funny sign on the highway is going to cause the end of civilization as bureaucrats know it. How does that happen?

Here's where I interject my experiences into the discussion. The rule on effective outdoor advertising is seven words. How long can it take to read seven words? Humor sells! Which sign will you remember, "Only Rudolph should drive lit" or "Don't drink and drive"?? Let's face it! You will tell your friends about the Rudolph sign. Nobody goes to work and tells their friends, "I saw a don't drink and drive sign on the highway today.".

The DOT is concerned that some people will not understand some signs. Basically, the DOT is telling us that people are stupid. Maybe people that stupid should not be driving. Forget about Rudolph, the sign that most people don't seem to understand is the one that says, "SPEED LIMIT". The sign that seems to take the longest time to understand is the one that reads "Lane Ends," as people tend to remain in that lane until it actually ends, and they swerve into your lane in front of you.

The Department of Transportation is telling us that some people are too stupid to understand the signs. The reality is that bureaucrats are too stupid to understand drivers. What's stupid is for us to keep paying bureaucrats to crank out hundreds of pages of regulations a year on the content, size and placement of highway signs. There is no facet of your life that is so inconsequential that the federal government doesn't want to control it.

Here's a part of the rules that makes me want to redefine "obsessive-compulsive".

2 Trapezoidal-shaped signs (see Figure 2M-2) may be used to display recreational and cultural interest area destinations on conventional roads.

Standard:

03 Whenever the trapezoidal shape is used, the color combination shall be a white legend and border on a brown background. When the trapezoidal shape is used for a sign with a directional arrow, a right-angled trapezoid with the wider dimension of the bases (parallel sides) at the top of the sign shall be used. The diagonal leg of the trapezoid shall be oriented in the same direction as the directional arrow. When the trapezoidal shape is used for an advance sign legend, such as with a distance or action message, an isosceles trapezoid with the wider dimension of the bases at the top of the sign shall be used.

Here's a link to more than seventy pages of bureaucratic BS on signs. Find your own gem in this bucket of slop!

. MUTCD 2023 Chapters 2H-2N (dot.gov)