The Old Fart's Manifesto

 This morning in the waiting room at my doctor's office, there was a guy with three smartphones. He was actually using all three. Get into a 12-step program!

I will never buy a phone that costs more than my first car, maybe my first bicycle.

If you buy your jeans with holes and tears already in them, stop reading this and go back to Tik Tok. Please!

I am not interested in wearing clothing with someone else's name all over it. I don't get paid to be a walking billboard. 

It's not like someone is going to see me in a football jersey and ask, "Are you really Tom Brady?"

How about those guys who buy or steal $300 hiking boots to wear walking down that sidewalk to the corner where they hang out? "Dem Tims?" 

Memo: If they want to actually hike somewhere they need to lace up and tie those shoelaces. Otherwise, they need to remain on flat surfaces.

Call me when you see LeBron James wearing a jersey that reads "Random Moments of Lunacy".

If I am wearing a shirt or hat that advertises some business, you can bet your ass that I got it free.

People don't know anything because their phone knows everything.

An ugly man who decides that he wants to be a woman, is just going to be an ugly woman. Isn't that right, Rachel Levine?

Athletes are going through a stage where they are putting hyphenated names on their jerseys. They are running out of space on the jersey. They are also including their family birth ranking. Unless your namesake is playing in the same game, there is no need to put Jr, Sr, III, or IV on the jersey. In a few more years, the names will run across the jersey and down the sides of their pants.

 If your last name is hyphenated, what happens with your children? Their names will be like someone in the British Royal Family. I am not sure that bodes well for anyone.

Old joke: How do you drive a Polack crazy? Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner. New joke: How do you drive a millennial crazy? Take his phone and tell him to dial his call on the payphone.

Monday morning at the doctor's office for lab work: "You are scheduled for a urine test. Will that be a problem?" Me: "Is that the only question on the urine test?"

Evidently, Merrick Garland has put Dr. Fauci into the Witness Protection Program. He hasn't been seen in front of a microphone in days.

I am so old that I remember when The Super Bowl (or Super Bore) wasn't even a sellout. Now you have to hock your house for a ticket.

Joe Namath who guaranteed a Jets victory over the Colts, is now hustling Medicare supplements on television. As least Joe can put together a complete sentence. Reporters now do double duty as translators when they ask players questions.

The Democrats are talking about holding their 2024 convention in Georgia. Georgia, too racist for the MLB All-Star Game, but just right for the Dims. You won't be able to turn on a radio without hearing Charlie Daniels singing "The Devil went down to Georgia." Of course. in Atlanta they won't be able to sling a dead cat without hitting someone trying to rob them or steal their car.