The New NASCAR??

NASCAR caved in to the liberal media today and banned "the Confederate flag" today at any future events. As an historical question, which of "the Confederate flags" are they banning? As a contemporary issue, what other flags and messages are they banning? Are African flags okay? Is the rainbow flag okay? Are Black Lives Matter banners acceptable? How about Mexican flags?

As a business decision, this is not New Coke, but it is in the same league. NASCAR has struggled with attendance and television ratings issues over the last several years. Now they have decided to blame it all on the Confederate battle flag. Yes, the Confederate battle flag, since NASCAR doesn't seem to grasp that there are several "Confederate Flags". I never fly a battle flag since I feel that the battle flag is damaged goods, but I think that people should have the right to express themselves.

At some tracks, they have removed seating or covered seats to give that "sold out" look. A few years ago at the Charlotte Car Show, I watched as a crane removed sections of seating from the speedway. I am not a marketing genius, but wouldn't it be easier just to reduce ticket prices and actually sell out?

What will the "NEW NASCAR" look like? Are they going to still compete for the Cup Championship or will they just use affirmative action and award it to Bubba Wallace?

NASCAR is working on a new car design that will be able to accommodate a huge sound system and ten speakers. Hydraulics systems will allow them to adjust the height of the car to suit the music being played. Also allowing the car to be jumping up and down during cautions will be entertaining.

As NASCAR allows five crew members to be "over the wall" servicing the car, they will pay tribute to their Mexican heritage and have the crew members all ride with the driver in the race car. Still only allowed one seat, though. The crew needs to carry their jacks, impact wrenches, and two cans of gas in the car with them. They will need to make those trunks functional.

NASCAR will have to experiment to determine how many laps can be run in the time allowed. Most races should run from Saturday evening until church starts on Sunday. They will need all of that time for the new racing rules package.

The new rules start with pre race inspection. If your car is discovered to be stolen, you get to move up in the starting order. The new rules also call for a timeout each time a driver passes another car. This will allow him to jump out of the car, beat his chest, point at the sky, and get back into the car. Clearing wrecks will take longer as every driver in the race will claim that they were injured in the wreck, whether or not their car is actually involved. Pit crew uniforms will change. No more pants that actually fit. Instead, your pants must sag, requiring crew members to work on the car with one hand and hold their pants up with the other

NASCAR will eliminate those "redneck" burnouts at the finish line. Instead, all of the winning team members gather at the finish line for a ten minute choreographed dance routine. The ten minutes will give the track crew time to remove the fence near the finish line and allow the dancers/crew members to leap into fans in the stands. Baby mommas will have priority seating at the finish line.

I am sure that the marketing masters at NASCAR can pull this off. Hey guys!! Don't forget to stock the concession stands with New Coke and some malt liquor!