Saturday Morning Confusion, the Saga Continues

 Democrats are looking for a presidential candidate that their entire party can back. Call them if you are a transsexual, illegal immigrant of color with a minimum of thirty arrests in New York, Illinois, Minnesota or Washington, DC. If you have facial tattoos, it could put you over the top. Bonus points for being on multiple kinds of welfare programs.

Someone needs to teach Tiger Woods how to use a driver. Uber? Taxi? Limo? How many accidents do you have before it's time to turn in your driver's license and go to rehab? It's time, Tiger. People are saying now that he is the black John Daly!!

Tiger managed to roll his Land Rover in a 30 MPH zone. I am not going out on a limb here by suggesting that Tiger was speeding. That's a gimme!! This is his second arrest in Jupiter, Florida. Maybe he should move to a better neighborhood where people don't drive while under the influence of drugs. He passed the breathalyzer test but refused to provide a urine specimen for a test. This is his standard practice in his vehicle rollover incidents. Nothing screams, "I am on drugs" like refusing to be tested for drugs after rolling your SUV in a 30 MPH zone.

Maybe Tiger just does not understand the difference between golf and driving a car. In golf, they want to drive to the green. In driving cars, you want to stay on the blacktop and off of the green. Maybe if they painted the streets in Jupiter, Florida green, Tiger would stop wrecking his car.

Is Tiger the reason that the PGA doesn't let golfers drive golf carts in tournaments until they are on the Senior Tour? If he keeps this up, Tiger will be the first golfer on the Senior tour with a "designated driver".

The talking turds on television keep talking about all of the operations that Tiger has had over the years and how much pain he is in. Maybe it is just me, but if I made my living playing a sport that destroyed my health, I would consider other work. If he would give up the drugs, he probably has enough money to live comfortably for the rest of his life, provided that he stops driving a car. Let's face it, Tiger lives in Florida. He could easily find some rich, old, ugly white woman to support his driving habit.

Today is the monthly "No Kings Rally" across the liberal cities in the country. If you want to start a riot at one of those rallies, take a large banner that says, "No king, but Jesus." You will clear that crowd in seconds. Liberals will run away from that message. 

An example of a king would be people who lost an election but think that they are still in charge of the country anyway. Chuck "The Schmuck" Schumer comes to mind for some reason. Chuck is a walking case for voluntary euthanasia. His House sidekick, Hockhim Jeffries, is in the same sinking boat with Chuck but doesn't know it. Hockhim is a graduate of the Gavin Newsome School of Speech. I have seen people using sign language who don't wave their hands and arms as much as Hockhim does while speaking. We could shut him up with a pair of handcuffs. One would think that with all of the liberals scattered across the country, the Democrats could get some leaders from outside of New York City. 

More than fifty years ago I spent several years working for Quick Foods in Florida. We were the Waffle House's largest franchisee. Chuck the Schmuck and Hockhim were representative of the Yankee scum that we dreaded seeing show up in Florida every winter. If I had a dollar for every time that I told some Yankee, "I don't give a rat's ass how you do it in New York!", I could have retired twenty years ago.

Not to ignore the Republicans side of politics, how about the charisma and leadership qualities of that John Thune guy? I wouldn't let him lead our dog out into the front yard to take a shit. Senate Republicans must have thought that politics had evolved into a basketball game. The thought process, if there was one, must have been something like, "Let's make the tall guy the leader." There are days that I find myself missing mindless Mitch McConnell.

Out of solidarity with other short guys, I am going to give Mike Johnson a pass in today's rant. I will catch you on another day, Mike.

Finally, Jimmy Kimmel is making fun of Markwayne Mullin for having owned and operated a plumbing business. Obviously, Kimmel is jealous of anyone who has had a real job. Kimmel's biggest concern about Mullin is that as a plumber, Mullin knows what a real piece of shit looks like and may flush Kimmel sometime soon.